Well, life has it's way of getting busy when you want to slow down, doesn't it? I am in the process of preparing for my National Novel Writing Month challenge (nanowrimo) that starts November 1st and I am waiting for the second editing revision from the editor. Once I get the edits back, I will have about a month to turn it around, maybe less. As things get closer it feels like the pressure just increases. I do not have a release date yet but can imagine that I might have some more answers after this next part of the process.
School is going good. I am currently taking Child and Adolescent Psychology and Sociology. I am on the Dean's list for the second semester but amazingly that just adds more pressure as well. it is exciting to get that acknowledgment since I have always felt I missed out on a traditional higher learning experience when I was younger but now as an adult who is already established in her career, these types of events make me feel like I "have" to get a good grade or else it puts my experience in question. Silly, I know but it is just thoughts that come up. After this next semester is over..... in like 9 weeks, I will officially be a Junior in College. LOL!!
Things are shifting in other areas too. I am transitioning out of my position as the Clergy Weaver in FWTI so I can focus more on being the "Second" of the Board of Directors and acting Director of the Board right now. I am excited to hand that position over to a very well deserving and talented person! I am also getting ready to do my first ritual elevating someone to third degree. This is a huge experience for me and I am very excited. I am trying to plan it right now and look forward to the process.
other than that..... I am preparing for coming events. I am looking forward to closing the year and beginning anew. I am grateful for the opportunity to do so. Last Saturday night I went to my monthly tarot group (Berkane Babes) and had a great reading done for me. part of what the reading was saying was to feel confident that I could do this and also to step up to the plate and not be so concerned with others..... just do it. In the words of the reader, "man up!". So that is my mission over the next transition.
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Friday, October 02, 2009
Releasing shadows and holding onto purpose in the dark half
The click of the wheel descends into a darkening spiral as we move into another phase, the shadow side of our land and of our lives. With Samhain quickly approaching, it is the visual reminder that fall is here and death is coming. I am not talking of physical death but of the death of the old to make way for the new beginning that will come when the land is ready to receive.
For those who know me or have been reading my blog for a while, you know that although fall is my favorite time of year, the dark half of the year is always a hard time. I have worked very hard to take the anxiety out of that time and am somewhat successful but I keep it a conscious thought that the coin flips over and I better be prepared.
The inner reflection of the dark half is always hardest, looking inside at the emotions that are triggerd by the chain of events. And although we all know that these events stretch us and help us grow, that does not take the sting out at the time. Like with a tattoo, you know the ending will make a stronger and more beautiful you but the tattoo itself still hurts like hell.
I have already seen the dark half working it's magic and shifting shadows where things are now revealed. I already know that this will be a brilliant year for growth and pray it is not too painful for us all in the process but I feel the shift this year. I feel the shift, not only in the earth but also in the energy of the human spirit and the struggle.
As times are already hard while in the light, the anticipation of the dark is ever looming. This has already been a challenging year for so many.
As we prepare for the holidays, the death of the god, the dying sun.... let us remember that those things that keep us whole are the shields of love we build inside of ourselves and around us. All things start from within and yet cultivating and recognizing the love and strength we have built within with our families and friends is also essential. Take no one and nothing for granted, not even yourself and do whatever keeps you connected in love and joy. And if patience is the key to all things then let love, compassion, acceptance, honor and peace be the door we get to open.
May you be blessed this coming season.
For those who know me or have been reading my blog for a while, you know that although fall is my favorite time of year, the dark half of the year is always a hard time. I have worked very hard to take the anxiety out of that time and am somewhat successful but I keep it a conscious thought that the coin flips over and I better be prepared.
The inner reflection of the dark half is always hardest, looking inside at the emotions that are triggerd by the chain of events. And although we all know that these events stretch us and help us grow, that does not take the sting out at the time. Like with a tattoo, you know the ending will make a stronger and more beautiful you but the tattoo itself still hurts like hell.
I have already seen the dark half working it's magic and shifting shadows where things are now revealed. I already know that this will be a brilliant year for growth and pray it is not too painful for us all in the process but I feel the shift this year. I feel the shift, not only in the earth but also in the energy of the human spirit and the struggle.
As times are already hard while in the light, the anticipation of the dark is ever looming. This has already been a challenging year for so many.
As we prepare for the holidays, the death of the god, the dying sun.... let us remember that those things that keep us whole are the shields of love we build inside of ourselves and around us. All things start from within and yet cultivating and recognizing the love and strength we have built within with our families and friends is also essential. Take no one and nothing for granted, not even yourself and do whatever keeps you connected in love and joy. And if patience is the key to all things then let love, compassion, acceptance, honor and peace be the door we get to open.
May you be blessed this coming season.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Mabon; balance in a season of chaos
One of two times a year when the alignment of the world is in line with the things I am aspiring for in my own life. Everyday that passes is another chance to achieve the goals set before me and each day I continue to strive for just that. Finding the internal balance between what I expect of myself and what the world expects of me has been key in navigating what I need to do for my family and for those who depend on my sanity. (those poor souls)
In reality I think 2009 has shown me that balance is not something you achieve and then you are set. Balance is something that requires constant work and, like with a see-saw, it is a fragile act of give and take. Without the flexibility of empathy, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance and accountability, the tipping of the scale to either side could be a permanent shift that doesn't recover. the real art to balance is knowing that there is no such real thing. Balance is what we create, it is not a set pattern that exists the same for everyone.
My scale has been altered this year because of unforeseen circumstances and now the skill of redefining "balance" is what I am working towards. Each day I am closer, each day it makes more sense why I am in this battle to begin with.
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
In reality I think 2009 has shown me that balance is not something you achieve and then you are set. Balance is something that requires constant work and, like with a see-saw, it is a fragile act of give and take. Without the flexibility of empathy, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance and accountability, the tipping of the scale to either side could be a permanent shift that doesn't recover. the real art to balance is knowing that there is no such real thing. Balance is what we create, it is not a set pattern that exists the same for everyone.
My scale has been altered this year because of unforeseen circumstances and now the skill of redefining "balance" is what I am working towards. Each day I am closer, each day it makes more sense why I am in this battle to begin with.
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
stepping into the fold
Priestessing is a hard job. No one tells you the amount of responsibility that comes with becoming a High Priest or Priestess until it is far enough down the road that you know there is no turning back. and in reality, there is no way to possibly understand what that responsibility means until it is yours.
Walking in the role many times puts you at odds with people you love and can give you some sadness as well. It can also be a rewarding place to be when someone is fulfilling their destiny and you have the opportunity to watch. Regardless of the ups and downs of priestessing, the reality is that it is a hard job and one that can leave you feeling awfully isolated at times.
I think it is important for us all to remember that the Gods reasoning is not always ours and we will not always understand the road that lays ahead for ourselves or for those we support. It is the road with many beginnings and a myriad of possible endings but none the less it will be filled with the necessary lessons that need to be acquired. I may not understand those lessons but they are ever present and we all have to learn them; whether willingly or by being brought to our knees.
May we all learn the lessons without too many bruises.
Walking in the role many times puts you at odds with people you love and can give you some sadness as well. It can also be a rewarding place to be when someone is fulfilling their destiny and you have the opportunity to watch. Regardless of the ups and downs of priestessing, the reality is that it is a hard job and one that can leave you feeling awfully isolated at times.
I think it is important for us all to remember that the Gods reasoning is not always ours and we will not always understand the road that lays ahead for ourselves or for those we support. It is the road with many beginnings and a myriad of possible endings but none the less it will be filled with the necessary lessons that need to be acquired. I may not understand those lessons but they are ever present and we all have to learn them; whether willingly or by being brought to our knees.
May we all learn the lessons without too many bruises.
Saturday, September 05, 2009
A road of balance and fun
The business of family life, being a full time counselor, High Priestess, mentor and author is a hectic and crazy balancing act. I don't know how I got here but it has morphed into one of the most challenging of positions. I enjoy the challenge but know that the energy I spend fulfilling these obligations have to be replenished somehow.
The past two weekends have been doing just that for me. I went to a dreaded work retreat and was pleasantly surprised at the role this retreat played in helping me self care. I got put in a condo on the beach with a view of the ocean in a room to myself. I stayed up late eating cheetos and listening to the silence while I played on the computer. I slept soundly to the sounds of nature and the rolling waves while I was suppose to be preparing for the upcoming work schedule. The reality was that this moment of solitude was one of the most important reminders I could have gotten on how to take care of myself.
The next weekend was full of adventures that filled the driving force i have as a Pagan to connect with nature and with the Gods. My mom, melissa and two of the kids went to the Egyptian Museum in San Jose. it was beautiful and I promise to post some pictures in the near future. it was a great day of reflection, sights, bonding and relaxing. Seeing some of the images served as gentle reminders of what I do and what I am. I felt wonderful in the atmosphere of history and deities. On Sunday we went to Muir woods and sat in the woods listening to nature and seeing the wonders. My mom, Jon, Kev, Robbie, melissa and Nayeli went and had a ball. i bought a walking stick made of redwood to use as a staff and my mother got one too. Being in the redwoods always reminds me of my spiritual core and coming to a place of balance. it was beautiful. Thursdays fullmoon was celebrated on the labyrinth surrounded by candlelight. I walked the labyrinth and thoughts of all the accomplishments I have manifested this year and allowed the stress to roll away under Yemaya's moon.
this weekend is beginning to be in the same theme as the priors. Today was a tour of two metaphysical shops for Melissa, a nice lunch and spending time with the family. Tomorrow is Roberts Bday so we are planning on relaxing in the sun and spending time with my boy.
Take the time out to enjoy all the wonderful things that may seem small but hold so much weight in the grand picture of life. We all deserve happiness and balance in order to continue the road to fulfilling our highest good. I am trying to remember mine, do you remember yours?
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
The past two weekends have been doing just that for me. I went to a dreaded work retreat and was pleasantly surprised at the role this retreat played in helping me self care. I got put in a condo on the beach with a view of the ocean in a room to myself. I stayed up late eating cheetos and listening to the silence while I played on the computer. I slept soundly to the sounds of nature and the rolling waves while I was suppose to be preparing for the upcoming work schedule. The reality was that this moment of solitude was one of the most important reminders I could have gotten on how to take care of myself.
The next weekend was full of adventures that filled the driving force i have as a Pagan to connect with nature and with the Gods. My mom, melissa and two of the kids went to the Egyptian Museum in San Jose. it was beautiful and I promise to post some pictures in the near future. it was a great day of reflection, sights, bonding and relaxing. Seeing some of the images served as gentle reminders of what I do and what I am. I felt wonderful in the atmosphere of history and deities. On Sunday we went to Muir woods and sat in the woods listening to nature and seeing the wonders. My mom, Jon, Kev, Robbie, melissa and Nayeli went and had a ball. i bought a walking stick made of redwood to use as a staff and my mother got one too. Being in the redwoods always reminds me of my spiritual core and coming to a place of balance. it was beautiful. Thursdays fullmoon was celebrated on the labyrinth surrounded by candlelight. I walked the labyrinth and thoughts of all the accomplishments I have manifested this year and allowed the stress to roll away under Yemaya's moon.
this weekend is beginning to be in the same theme as the priors. Today was a tour of two metaphysical shops for Melissa, a nice lunch and spending time with the family. Tomorrow is Roberts Bday so we are planning on relaxing in the sun and spending time with my boy.
Take the time out to enjoy all the wonderful things that may seem small but hold so much weight in the grand picture of life. We all deserve happiness and balance in order to continue the road to fulfilling our highest good. I am trying to remember mine, do you remember yours?
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
Monday, August 24, 2009
Questioning
It is interesting how we all naturally question what is happening in our lives, especially when something comes up that we don't want to do. A recent work retreat has been such a hard event for me to come to terms with for various reasons and because of this, it felt like I was being forced to do something I couldn't do. After releasing that feeling and surrendering to the fact that I was going on this trip, I went and am glad i did.
This trip turned out to be in the belly of Yemaya, right on the beach with visions of the beach everywhere. after fearing having to share a room with people I didn't know, I ended up with my own room full of peace and inner reflection. What I realized once I was here was that I needed this. I needed to get away from the chaos and allow myself to just spend time with me. In the process, I am connecting to the Yemaya within and out in the oceans. I have missed her constant influence in my life since I have allowed my stress to block a lot of the messages she normally sends.
I went to the store and bought a spirit candle since I left mine at home. I am now sitting with the ocean at my back and peace in my mind. How exciting it is to have enjoyed and experienced this. I truely need it and will try to remember not to doubt my blessings in the future.
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
This trip turned out to be in the belly of Yemaya, right on the beach with visions of the beach everywhere. after fearing having to share a room with people I didn't know, I ended up with my own room full of peace and inner reflection. What I realized once I was here was that I needed this. I needed to get away from the chaos and allow myself to just spend time with me. In the process, I am connecting to the Yemaya within and out in the oceans. I have missed her constant influence in my life since I have allowed my stress to block a lot of the messages she normally sends.
I went to the store and bought a spirit candle since I left mine at home. I am now sitting with the ocean at my back and peace in my mind. How exciting it is to have enjoyed and experienced this. I truely need it and will try to remember not to doubt my blessings in the future.
--
"When you become aware of silence, immediately there is a state of inner still alertness. You are present. You have stepped out of thousands of years of collective conditioning" - Eckhart Tolle. "Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Changes that rock your core
Interesting how life just seems to shift without giving you a chance to catch up. It is like a wind that happens; pushing past the structures you have built, whizzing through your goals and stirring up your dreams. In one moment you find that you have to reassess where you are and where you thought you wanted to go. Interesting how life seems to shift you into another state of contemplation on your life and your journey.
In one year it my life has shift has been continuous and drastic and for a lot of people that I know. I am not alone in this re-shifting of the universe. Some people may attribute the changes to categories of good or bad but I am just trying to grasp the changes themselves, not judge them. As I am a firm believer that the Gods put you in a place to constantly revisit your needs and your commitment to your path; I know this is where I am in my life. I have, in many ways, taken on parts of the qualities of my Goddess.... becoming the mother figure to many inside and outside of my household. I never fully understood how taking on the vow to a deity could open that door. And as I am learning to adjust to this new found role, this new existence, the new expectations; I am also learning more about myself and who I really am at the core.
Learning to release to the will of my personal higher power is trying in many ways since it goes against my nature of needing to control the variables in my life; helping me to avoid being hurt. For this reason, I know I am being challenged to grow again and to become more of what I look to my Gods for.
Knowing that acceptance is the Key to Growth, I will honor this ever turning wheel of unexpected leaps in faith as I continue on this journey. With less than a year before the release of my book, I feel I a getting the opportunity to jump to yet another place that will increase my ability to be empathetic with my community and with those I might have the pleasure to support.
May you be blessed as I am learning to accept my blessings.
"Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
Crystal
In one year it my life has shift has been continuous and drastic and for a lot of people that I know. I am not alone in this re-shifting of the universe. Some people may attribute the changes to categories of good or bad but I am just trying to grasp the changes themselves, not judge them. As I am a firm believer that the Gods put you in a place to constantly revisit your needs and your commitment to your path; I know this is where I am in my life. I have, in many ways, taken on parts of the qualities of my Goddess.... becoming the mother figure to many inside and outside of my household. I never fully understood how taking on the vow to a deity could open that door. And as I am learning to adjust to this new found role, this new existence, the new expectations; I am also learning more about myself and who I really am at the core.
Learning to release to the will of my personal higher power is trying in many ways since it goes against my nature of needing to control the variables in my life; helping me to avoid being hurt. For this reason, I know I am being challenged to grow again and to become more of what I look to my Gods for.
Knowing that acceptance is the Key to Growth, I will honor this ever turning wheel of unexpected leaps in faith as I continue on this journey. With less than a year before the release of my book, I feel I a getting the opportunity to jump to yet another place that will increase my ability to be empathetic with my community and with those I might have the pleasure to support.
May you be blessed as I am learning to accept my blessings.
"Blessed Be oh Yemaya!! Yey Omo Eja" - "Mother Whose Children are the Fish"
Crystal
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