Sunday, January 21, 2007
11:11 PM | 
Posted by
Crystal Blanton
Sometimes the challenge of life can be confusing, especially when you follow a path of the universe and try to find the mysteries as they are brought to you. I find that many times, I am trying to connect the lessons I am suppose to learn with the events that are happening in my life and sometimes there is no other connection besides the fact that life sucks sometimes. And coming to a place to "live life on life’s terms" sucks, can be confusing and it hurts.
But I also find that there are those events that are just life in motion with no rhyme or reason, and we find that we still become stronger by just walking through the turmoil that is considered life. I am always a person that looks at someone and measures my insides by their outsides and then wonder why everyone else’s life is so smooth sailing. But I continue to come to a place of understanding that life is full of trials and no matter how someone elses life looks like it is smooth; they are learning their lessons too. And most likely they are looking at another person’s life and doing the same thing by judging their lives against another.
I have found lately that the more out of control my life feels, the harder I am working to control the areas in my life that I can control. The best example of this is my house. I have been cleaning excessively lately. I think it is like measuring how my life is based on how my house looks and the messier it is, the messier I feel inside.
It gives me a pretty clean house most of the time but doesn’t really address the feelings of uncertainty that are happening inside. I think there is a certain piece of acceptance that I am struggling with understanding. Accepting that life is full of mysteries and I am not meant to understand them all. Accepting that life is painful sometimes and that it is the journey that makes my soul grows, so either way I am still moving in the right direction. It is understanding that it is not always my issue that I am forced to deal with and I have a choice not to take on other people’s baggage. I have enough of my own and I don’t have to carry someone else’s too. It is accepting that everyone has an opinion and although it is right to them, that is their truth within their world view and has very little to do with me.
I am grateful that I have learned enough in my journey to get me this far in my understanding but I know I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go.
Sometimes these things happen and they have such spiritual significance that they can’t go unnoticed. Last week I started having these interesting dreams and two stick out immediately. One dream where I found out that my husband was cheating on me with a friend. I remember feeling such a sense of betrayal from both parties. It was such a real dream that I woke up and said to my husband, "thanks for cheating on me and ruining the family". Oh course he had no idea what I was talking about until I could calm down enough to tell him of the dream.
The second dream was a couple of days later and I dreamed I was seeing a person who is really close to my heart, although I don’t see him much. Paul was in my dream and he came over to me and we hugged for a while. And he told me how much he missed me and how I will always be an important person in his life. And I remember crying in the dream because I had missed him so much. And then I noticed that he had on a hospital gown and he told me he was really sick. I remember not knowing if that meant he was dying and leaving me again.
From there the dream changed a little and we were standing, arm in arm, in front of my old friend casket. I remember sobbing in Paul’s arms and explaining that I watched him die and could never forget the look on his face. I felt such despair for the loss I was feeling that it was overwhelming.
I woke up from this dream crying and had a hard time coping all day.
How interesting that those dreams mirror the feeling of loss that are creeping into my life right now.
When the universe speaks, I will listen. I am listening now although I am not sure what lesson it is I am suppose to be learning. But I am listening………………still listening.
But I also find that there are those events that are just life in motion with no rhyme or reason, and we find that we still become stronger by just walking through the turmoil that is considered life. I am always a person that looks at someone and measures my insides by their outsides and then wonder why everyone else’s life is so smooth sailing. But I continue to come to a place of understanding that life is full of trials and no matter how someone elses life looks like it is smooth; they are learning their lessons too. And most likely they are looking at another person’s life and doing the same thing by judging their lives against another.
I have found lately that the more out of control my life feels, the harder I am working to control the areas in my life that I can control. The best example of this is my house. I have been cleaning excessively lately. I think it is like measuring how my life is based on how my house looks and the messier it is, the messier I feel inside.
It gives me a pretty clean house most of the time but doesn’t really address the feelings of uncertainty that are happening inside. I think there is a certain piece of acceptance that I am struggling with understanding. Accepting that life is full of mysteries and I am not meant to understand them all. Accepting that life is painful sometimes and that it is the journey that makes my soul grows, so either way I am still moving in the right direction. It is understanding that it is not always my issue that I am forced to deal with and I have a choice not to take on other people’s baggage. I have enough of my own and I don’t have to carry someone else’s too. It is accepting that everyone has an opinion and although it is right to them, that is their truth within their world view and has very little to do with me.
I am grateful that I have learned enough in my journey to get me this far in my understanding but I know I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go.
Sometimes these things happen and they have such spiritual significance that they can’t go unnoticed. Last week I started having these interesting dreams and two stick out immediately. One dream where I found out that my husband was cheating on me with a friend. I remember feeling such a sense of betrayal from both parties. It was such a real dream that I woke up and said to my husband, "thanks for cheating on me and ruining the family". Oh course he had no idea what I was talking about until I could calm down enough to tell him of the dream.
The second dream was a couple of days later and I dreamed I was seeing a person who is really close to my heart, although I don’t see him much. Paul was in my dream and he came over to me and we hugged for a while. And he told me how much he missed me and how I will always be an important person in his life. And I remember crying in the dream because I had missed him so much. And then I noticed that he had on a hospital gown and he told me he was really sick. I remember not knowing if that meant he was dying and leaving me again.
From there the dream changed a little and we were standing, arm in arm, in front of my old friend casket. I remember sobbing in Paul’s arms and explaining that I watched him die and could never forget the look on his face. I felt such despair for the loss I was feeling that it was overwhelming.
I woke up from this dream crying and had a hard time coping all day.
How interesting that those dreams mirror the feeling of loss that are creeping into my life right now.
When the universe speaks, I will listen. I am listening now although I am not sure what lesson it is I am suppose to be learning. But I am listening………………still listening.
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