Rev. Crystal's Full Moon Blessings

And the Water Said....By Ifalade Ta'Shia Asanti

A Poem For the 2005 Hurricane Katrina Survivors

All Rights Reserved @August 2005





And the water said, "listen!"

I am coming to show you truth

I am coming to shake the grains of sands beneath you

Show you that which is hidden but in plain view

And the water told us why she had come--

I have come to stroke the skin tones of America

To comb the roots of racism

Expose the scalp of discrimination

Make it bare like the parts of newly plaited hair

"Can you hear me," the water asked?

I'm here to purify these nations

To wash the streets clean of their denial

To reveal faulty foundations and forked tongues

And I shall not be ignored

And her rain created cities of tears

Waves of brutal reality

Demanding transformation

Commanding our world undone

She woke us early

When the white house phone line was busy

About a quarter to one she woke us

Before our comfort arrived in monthly envelopes

Made us remember the unity of a million maafas

Showed us how genocides join sons

She carried our vision to rooftops

Where the shepherd revoked our salvation

FEMA dollars transformed into tombstones

Homeland Security became a funeral home

And the water returned to her garden

An ailing levee beckoned her backwards

Back to the streets

Back to our homes

She wasn't sure we had remembered

She was sure that we had forgotten

And the water rose

She embraced our memories

Ran up our steps to our doorbells

She knocked but we didn't answer

She stretched higher and higher

Found us waiting in the sunlight

Waving to strangers in electronic birds

Whose wings made us invisible beneath the sleeping sun

Do you remember now she asked?

Do you remember Rwanda & Benin?

Do you remember the captive passage?

And she beckons us to forward

To new land

Under new realities

She calls us to independence

Not theirs, but our own

She turns our eyes inward

She moves our hands together


And the water said: "seek one another!"

Hear as you've never heard

Understand how you've never understood

I am parting my tide for your safe journey

So you may discover what I already know

You have survived

Let this message wash your ears alive

I am here with your salvation

I have delivered it on the words flowing from my tongue

And She retreated from their doorsteps and porches

Let the son return

She sent them into the wilderness

With prayers already done

Daughters of the ocean

Sons of the storm

Our God has not forsaken you

But come to reshape your love..

Isn’t it interesting how we always try to control those circumstances in our lives that are seemingly outside of our control to start with? Whether it is the job, family issues, friends, etc.

For me it is all of the above and the need to have everything ok. I want desperately to make good choices that will make everyone’s lives good, including my own. I think one of the things I am learning this year is that sometimes those things are not within my reach, nor are they my job or my business.

I have to learn how to let go and let the Gods (like they say in AA but without the “s” on God, LOL)

I am learning to remember that everyone has a path and every path has a process, including mine. So with that in mind, how am I suppose to know if this thing I consider to be a “road block” is an important part of building my future path? I don’t know that either way. And I forget to have faith in the hardest of situations.

So today I am trying desperately to hold onto the faith that I have and allow the universe, God and Goddess to do their job. I am learning to step back and be ok with not having the answers for the future, allowing the future to happen the way that my elders see fit.

This is hard but I know it is a necessary part of my growth spiritually and as a human being. Wish me luck, LOL!

I didn’t know what to expect on my labyrinth experience for I have never done it before. Obsidian, Ariana and I went into a corner on the side of the labyrinth and blessed each other with meditation oils and then we headed for the opening.

There were several things that happened in the beginning of my walking meditation that became very profound in my meditation. As soon as I began walking the maze my lower back began to hurt. I was surprised by this and couldn’t understand why it was hurting.

As I was walking it was hard for me to focus my thoughts in the beginning. The beautiful live music was playing, candles were lit and the repetitive sound of stomping feet helped me begin the process of moving deeper into my meditative self.

I noticed as I was walking how much anxiety I had around going thru the maze, feeling scared that I would fall off the trail and mess everything up. I had this feeling like if I fell off the trail and messed up that I would be responsible for messing up everyone else’s path. I had a lot of anxiety over parts of the labyrinth that were harder to see, like I could not see the path clearly and didn’t know where I was going.

Walking the maze was hard, my back was still hurting and I was tired. Every time I thought we were at the end another curve would come and take me away from the middle, the prize. And finally I made it to the middle.

I felt such a sense of relief and accomplishment. We got to the middle; hugged each other and then I sat on the rock. I was thinking, “Whew, that was hard”. And then I had this realization that I had to go back and do it all over again to get out. It was at that moment that everything came into view. I understood what this meant and how it applied to my life.

It was showing me that I have to work hard and it is painful but it doesn’t stop. Once I finally reach the destination I can rest and regroup. I can revel in the accomplishment but then I have to get ready to get back into the fight. I don’t get to stay at the rock.

As that realization hit me I started to cry. I started to understand that my journey is in the journey. My lessons will come from the journey and not from the accomplishment. So who am I to think I have the answers or know what to expect when that is not in my control. What IS in my control is my ability to move forward and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

What also made sense to me was that I get focused on the outcome and don’t stay present in the journey. Instead of walking the maze and allowing myself to turn the corners with ease, I was trying to rush to the middle and would lose my balance. And just like in life I lose my balance with the twists and turns.

So I geared myself up, sat with my coven sisters and cried, then got up and started my journey again. This time I took my time coming out. I didn’t walk slower but I did take my time around the corners. My back didn’t hurt and I was able to enjoy the journey a little more. I got out of the labyrinth and felt that sense of excitement and joy once again but I knew that my journey had only just begun.

I sat with my husband tonight and we meditated for hours on our porch with the incense burning and music playing. It was interesting because when we were driving home I noticed the smell of fall in the air and the crispness of the air. But I felt such a heaviness on my chest, a sadness. As we were driving in the traffic we passed a overpass that had a ton of flags hanging and people standing there waving at the traffic. I knew in that moment the energy I was feeling was the residual energy of what many people were feeling and thinking about today. 9/11.

So tonight when I sat on the patio and allowed the elements to wash over and ground me, I knew the connection that I had with the divine energy was very strong in this moment. I could feel the collective energy of the community, I could feel my husbands energy, I felt the power of the earth/air/fire/water, and I harnessed the spirit within me. Interesting how in one moment I felt so connected to everything and to everyone.

It was also interesting that during the meditation, there was times when I could feel myself expanding my energy. Does that make sense....like pushing my energy field beyond that of my aura. Something I will continue to work with....

Blessings of new beginning, new power and the new moon to all.

Multicolored Momma
From the book Jambalaya by Luisah Teish (I strongly recommend)


My sweet coffee skin
Hold secrets in its shade,
Whispers silent warning
To a black and white world

Do not box me in
In your narrow racial jackets,
Too tight to move in,
Too thin to wear.

My brown pores bleed
With the sweat of many nations,
Generations of colors
Ooze down my arm.

My Bantu behind
Plays the drums of dancing griots,
Telling stories with my sway
Singing songs with each step.

My high Choctaw cheekbones
Love the Mississippi Delta.
Remembers Running Cloud’s daughter
And the Red Man gone.


My breast angle ‘round
Like the dark gypsy wenches.
Crescent moons touch my belly
Silver slithers on my throat.

My almond eyes sparkle
To the sound of Eastern jingles
Glass chimes dress my eyelids
Tinkling bells kiss my brow.

My dirty red hair
Speaks of crazy Cajun cousins,
Talks of faire Creole ladies
And their dark Spanish men.

My Tibetan thighs open
And the Red Sea splits.
My soft lips part
Between Dahomey and Brazil.

My sweet coffee skin
Holds secrets in its shade,
Whispers silent warnings
To a black and white world.

I will not wear
Your narrow racial jackets
As the blood of many nations
Runs sweetly thru my veins.

Finding words to express the frustration and anger I feel for the people of New Orleans is hard. I knew from the beginning of this trip that I wanted to see and experience the real New Orleans and not the tourist trap of the French quarter that everyone uses to represent the city. And in reality the quarter is a small part of a large community called New Orleans.

Growing up as a minority, specifically a black girl, we are raised and accustom to the concept of family and community going beyond bloodlines. So when I look at the devastation of a community like NOLA it is like watching my family suffer. I am not separate from that of the black community.

So in turn I found my continued frustration mounting as I watched people coming into the city, partying or vacationing in the French quarter while the people of New Orleans were living in trailers and run down buildings. I rode around with Jody and got to see what the people of New Orleans have to deal with on a daily basis and it felt like a crime to come into their city and not honor them by coming into their neighborhoods and supporting their local stores.

The conditions they have to live in are depressing and down right devastating but how could I ignore them? How could I act like my money is too good to be spent in their poor towns? How could I act like my partying or shopping in the French Quarter was supporting the families of New Orleans when in reality that is just selfish and self serving. Let’s be honest here. Being in the French Quarter, eating their food and drinking do not constitute supporting the families of New Orleans. It is not a selfless act.

I can not help all the families of New Orleans, even if my heart wants to. But what I could do was show some respect to them which is a lot more than they have received from the tourists and their own government. I could go to their neighborhoods, smile at them, buy coffee in a local shop and take the wool off of my eyes. Those people deserve the world to see how they have to live. They are not monkeys that tap dance in front of the tourists who throw money at them to survive. Or better yet, maybe they are. And who is responsible for that? I sure as hell will not be.

I made a pact with myself that I would not do to them what the world has done to them. I will not turn a blind eye to their community because it is too ugly to see right now. While people are coming in airplanes to party in one of the poorest cities with the highest crime rates in the United States, there are people who cannot afford to live.

A man working at the airport was telling us how his mortgage is 1050.00 a month for his 1300 sq. foot house. And after Katrina his payment raised to 1700.00 plus because of insurance. He talked about how the government has a clause that prevents interference into insurance matters in Louisiana. So they are stuck without a paddle and while cost of living goes up, the living wage stays the same.

On the flight home I sat next to this sweet boy, probably about 10 years old, who was flying home to his mom in Atlanta. Well, this was his new home because he was originally from New Orleans and was relocated after Katrina. He talked about wanting to go back home to NOLA but couldn’t afford it and there was nothing to go back to. Wow!!! And we have the nerve to think that everything is back to normal when there are still families displaced.

So next time you decide to take a trip to New Orleans, don’t shit on the locals by pretending that Katrina didn’t happen. Don’t turn your head from the devastation they see every morning when leaving their bed. Show them the respect that they deserve. Eat at their local restaurants, shop in their stores, smile and say good morning to them. Show them that we still remember what happened and we know they are still suffering.

And the Saga continues onto day two. We are up at 8am (6am California time and I am exhausted) and we are showered and out of the hotel to get to a café with free wifi. We are sipping our morning coffee drinks while Jody is making phone calls from the list and searching the internet. To make a long story short we did the following things within a very short period of time:

Walked and boarded Karma at the local vet
Café, phone calls and internet search
Set appt with real-estate agent
Searched and canvassed the neighborhood of this new apartment
Went into the apartment (door open) and looked around
Met with agent
Signed lease and got keys to the new place
Drove into downtown and ate lunch (Mother’s po boy sandwich)

All before 3:00!!!! Who said witches can’t make things happen…………

Being on the natural high of accomplishment, we did some shopping, more planning, eating (some of the best friend chicken and baked mac and cheese) and even went to see Jamil play some jazz at a local bar.

Saturday we kicked butt, woke up early and had beignets and frozen café ole’s. We managed to get shopping at Walmart, buy a new bed, eat a soul food lunch, get the bed delivered, more shopping and a dinner at the Gumbo shop. Things seemed to be calming down and although they were busy, things were ok.

Sunday we wake up early again, go to breakfast at Brennen’s and I had the best banana’s foster ever!! We decided to walk and get the car to park it closer to the hotel to load and while we were walking Jody told me about her dream that the car was towed.

Yup!!! You guessed it. We walked for about 15 minutes or so just to turn the corner and see an empty space where we left the car!!! The freakin car was towed.

We got back to the hotel, got a ride to the “pound” where they kept the car. About an hour later and 120.00 spent on fees, we were back at the hotel and loading up our luggage. From there the rush was on to complete everything and get the car returned and me back to the airport on time.

We made it. And I must say, this weekend was insane and stressful but nothing compared to saying goodbye to my sister. That was one of the hardest things I think I have had to do. I turned my face as I walked past the lady who checked my ID to attempt to hide my face for fear of making Jody more upset. (I don’t know if that worked)

I got thru the security and waved another hand at my friend that I love so much. Happy, sad, excited to go home and heartbroken all at the same time, I walked until I couldn’t see her anymore. I called Jon, did a little more shopping and boarded the plane for a safe flight home.

I am going to do several blogs regarding the experience of the last weekend in New Orleans. I decided to do that so that one blog would not be too long and therefore not scare people away from reading them, LOL.

For those who may not know, I went to New Orleans with one of my closest friends who was moving there. This has been a long and hard lead up to this trip that would bring closure to this move that has been a long time in the making.

We flew out of the Oakland Airport Thursday morning at 8:00am. We flew into Los Angeles and caught our connecting flight to New Orleans. This process went smooth and without a hitch but after this point in the trip almost nothing went as planned.

We got off the plane and went to get the rental car. That was a nightmare and after struggling with the bank and the change in costs for the vehicle, we decided to rent the car for the next four days and return it when I flew home Sunday. From the airport we went to Jody’s new apartment in New Orleans.

As we got off the freeway and drove further into the neighborhood, with every turn we took the atmosphere continued to change drastically. The further we drove, the more “in the hood” we got. Looking around we saw people standing on the corner drinking alcohol, drug deals right in front of us, tennis shoes hanging on the telephone wires, a kid riding down the street on a bike with no shoes on, abandon building all around us and the projects were 2 blocks away.

I was in total shock and afraid to speak what was on my mind for fear of upsetting Jody and insulting her new place where she had a new lease, so I kept mostly quiet. After meeting the landlord and leaving we were driving away and there were two guys (obviously high on what I would assume was crack) standing in the middle of the street. I think this is the thing that took the cake. We got several blocks away and Jody finally spoke. And her words were “Crystal, I can’t breath. I can’t live there”.

And from there the conversation began. We knew we had just entered the infamous “hoods” of New Orleans that are known for some of the highest murder and death stats in the United States. We knew that this was one of the worst situations we could be in at this very moment.

We drove to the hotel, got inside our room and low and behold the air conditioner was broken. After finding the number and calling the hotel owner we then sat there and waited in the terrible heat until he could come and fix the air. At about 9:30pm we had air and just enough energy to walk and get dinner.

Of course all the restaurants were closing and unable to serve us so we walked back to the hotel and got a cheeseburger across the street. Sitting in the burger shop we began talking to the two waiters and asking about apartments. Jody told them she thinks she rented an apt in a not so good area. One of the guys asked, “How far is it from Orleans Ave”. Jody told them 2 blocks and both guys said “Oh hunny that is the hood!!!” Needless to say, that was the confirmation we needed but was hoping wasn’t true.

The rest of the night was filled with lots of tears, hysterical laughter, brain storming, hugging, phone calls, holding hands, prayers………………until we fell asleep.

And this was my first night in New Orleans. What a welcome.……………………….. hot, hungry, sad, scared and trying to reassure my newly homeless and discouraged friend that I love dearly.

So many things have happened since I last blogged. I have been feeling a little unmotivated to blog or even update the podcast. As things are slowing down some I am working hard to get back on track with those things.

It has been a year of trials, rewards, surprises and grief. This week marks a very important end to a phase of my life. Jody and I fly out to New Orleans tomorrow and on Sunday I will leave her there and fly home alone. It has been a long countdown and one full of conflicting feelings and anxiety. I am excited to go with her, anxious to leave without her. But I am confident that the universe is working in our lives and we have to keep walking despite the confusion at times.

Several special things have happened in my life as well. Robert joined Spiral Scouts and we are having a good time being involved in meeting new Pagan families and giving him a forum to learn. That was something I have thought of off and on for the past several years and was excited that a local chapter opened.

Also, July 14th I recieved my green cord from the DSM tradition and was initiated to 3rd degree. I haven't really shared that with anyone since it happened for various reasons but feel like it is important to be able to share. I have not officially gotten my 3rd degree from FWTI yet and awaiting the opportunity to figure out the travel plans that will allow the official ceremony. I am hoping to do that this year sometime, if finances permit.

I also was blessed to be a part of watching three people attain thier 2nd degree initiations. That was such a rewarding and humbling experience. I guess it was interesting to watch others walk that journey with me to attaining degrees and feeling so happy and excited for thier accomplishments. And then I thought, how come I can't be happy and excited for mine? Hmmm, I am still pondering that thought.

Working towards my goals have always been so bitter sweet. I have experienced a lot of things in the almost 5 years of studying for my 3rd degree from others that I didn't expect and in turn got hurt or saddened by. The whole "crabs in a barrel, pulling eachother down" applies so much in this path.

I love being able to see others work hard and accomplish thier goals because it helps me remember what I am doing and why. And that is such a spiritual experience and a lesson to not allow others insecurities to make me question my own excitement.

So today I am living in the present and riding the surf board in the ocean of change. The waters are a little rough right now but every wave that I ride gives me a sense of completion and hope.

Until next time, "Hang loose dude". Or better yet, Blessed Be.

The year of 9, completion

So many things are happening in this year of 2007. It is interesting because it is the year of 9 in numerology and 9 is the number of completion. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, not sure where it is taking me but sure it is taking me somewhere.

There has been a combination of strides and losses this year so far on the quest of completion. We have moved (again), one of my best friends and spiritual sister is moving, loss of two people I cared a lot about and felt were my friends, promotion to director after a bumpy road, upcoming completion of 3rd degree, Jon got a new job with lots of promise, grandson was born, niece was born and the list goes on.

This year has been full of in your face realizations that have made me have to stop and re-evaluate myself and my place in the world. My spiritual mentor Dia has said a lot of things thru this transition and recently had a conversation with me about having to figure out my place and responsibilities as a 3rd degree High Priestess. At the time she was talking about something specific but I have sat with that thought since our conversation last week. Mainly because I never look at myself that way. I don’t look at myself as a 3rd degree, etc but also because I realized that I don’t know how to do that. And I think that is one of the reasons why the year of the 9 has been so life changing and powerful for me. It is time to change.

I am scared to death of what that means. I don’t know where this road is heading. But I do know that the time has come where all my work over the years is ready to be put into place. I think this year is meant to be a shedding of my old self and transition into the new. The universe is reminding me, thru all of my fears, that this path is mine and I must walk it. And although I will have people who love me and are here for me, I must walk it alone and find my destiny.

I think it is trying to help me find another way of looking at the people and things in my life and also to finding my own power. I need to come to the realization that my power is in me. I need to stop being afraid of it inorder to embrace my destiny.

Whew, even saying that brings up fear for me. But I do know what I need to do. And whether I like it or not, 2007 is the year to do it. And the universe is pushing hard.

Believe it or not, I got to see two of the most incredible singers in one month. And once again, Jody was awesome enough to take me with her.

Lisa Gerrard sang at the Palace of Fine arts in San Francisco. We got there and the venue was gorgeous outside. We got inside and saw the stage and it was so elegant. There was this soft white material draped on the stage. She came out, escourted by someone. She was in this beautiful blue dress and stood on the stage. She didn't say a word and just started singing some of the most beautiful words I had ever heard. (although I couldn't understand what they were saying)

She sang that way without talking thru any of the songs. She changed halfway thru the set into a beautiful white dress and continued to bellow out some of the purest sounds I have ever heard.

She didn't speak one word until the end of the show when she thanked her assistant and thanked the audience.

She had such a mysterious quality about her that intrigued me to want to know more about her story.

Another beautiful and spiritual night of live music. Thank you Jody.
Blessings.

I went to see Loreena at the Paramount with Jody (my birthday treat) and she was incredible!! I wasn't sure what to expect, all I knew was that I have loved her music for a couple of years now and never expected another album. And when I got the notice that An Ancient Muse was coming out, I was shocked. And when Jody told me she was coming out to Oakland for concert, I was further shocked.

The paramout was packed with people there for the same reason. She was beautiful and sang like an angel. I turned around and told Jody that this was like having a 2 and 1/2 hour spiritual experience. She was incredible.....words cannot describe.

She danced and sang and talked about the history of the celts and her travels that inspired each song. I was amazed by her stories and her travels.

Absolutely one of the best experiences of my life.

I am on the tale end of the 3rd degree studies and I am finding that I am not struggling with the work but instead struggling with my emotions around it.

So as you know or have read, I recently went through a situation with some "friends" who are no longer a part of my life. And with this crew many of the "issues" revolved around thier impressions that I was full of myself and fighting for power. Neither of which is true and I do understand that thier issues with me really have little to do with me and more to do with what they don't like when they look in the mirror. But never the less, these were the reasons used to portray me as someone I am not.

When doing work with my mentor around why I am stuck and sitting in this place where I just haven't finished my third degree requirements, I came to a good conclusion that it is situations like this that make it harder for me complete. I have created this core belief in my head that when I am successful at something, people will be upset with me.

I have less than a weeks worth of assignments to do and can't finish because I am afraid someone else will be upset with me for accomplishing my goals. Sounds ridiculous and sometimes core beliefs are.

I know that I only have myself to prove anything to. And I also know that it takes an extremely insecure person to be offended by another's accomplishments. And I don't care about the feelings of those who are not my friends anymore. So it is just a matter of removing those core beliefs that no longer serve me so that I may continue to grow.

Dia is hopefully coming out here late summer to do my initiation. I can't wait.

We moved in on April 7th. It is a nice home and we are all comfortable in it. Throughout all the stress and worry, we found a nice place that suites our family better than the one we just moved from.

So after a month in the new home, business is back to normal. We are all settled in and have even mowed the lawn twice. Robert is enjoying the backyard the most and loves to use his scooter on the back covered patio. My mom is enjoying the fact that it is one level and she isn't going up steps anymore. But she is still getting exercise by walking the length of the house since it is long and on a double lot.

I think the Jon, Kevin and I are just enjoying the fact that there is a family room with a seperate space for privacy.

The universe, Lord and Lady heard our prayers and answered. We were able to get enough money from various sources to pay for everything we needed. Including getting a lot of our security deposit back from the other house when it felt like the landlord was set on finding ways to keep our money. In the end, he was fair.

And once again we are renewed in our faith in spirit and in the power of manifestation.

I had the pleasure of meeting the author Kim Harrison tonight. She was great. She came to the Barnes and Nobles in Oakland as a part of her tour for the new book. She read a part of the new book to the audience and then did a question and answer session. She had a great sense of humor and was really down to earth.

I got some great pics of her and my book signed. I am excited to read the new book!

Thanks Kim!!
Blessed Be!!!!

I always find it interesting that people try to fight for power when there is no fight. I have come across these types of people who have a feeling of inferiority when around others who are outspoken or who are take charge people.

I would like to say to people like this, get over yourself. Other people are not doing things to challenge your place in the world. Sometimes people are just who they are and it is really your issue (not thiers) that you feel threatened by them.

It is actually sad and funny at the same time. I think my personality and drive to get things done seem to attract these kinds of people and then inevidably creates tension that is unwarranted.

Fortunatley I get that and I am not in the business of finding power by creating struggles with others. I am grateful that I do not feel the need to discover my own self worth by standing on the feet of others.

I wish everyone could find that within themselves and stop looking for your worth as a person or a leader through the eyes of another. If you need that kind of validation from others in order to be an upstanding leader, you will never make it. Good luck and Blessed be.

I had an incredible experience at Pantheacon on Saturday. Mica and Ariana came and picked me up at about 7:20 in the morning and we were on the way to pick up Jade and her friend. We arrived at the Double Tree hotel at about 8:20AM and parked and checked into the festival.

Being the witches that we are, we had already picked out and organized what we were going to participate in at the festival and that was a process in itself. With 13 choices to pick from in the 9:00AM timeslot, we felt it was necessary to do before hand. So, we already knew we were going to a ritual in the morning for awakening the self with the CAYA coven.

I have met the leader of this coven a couple of times and she is wonderful in my memory of her. And when we went into the ritual room, she was more incredible than I had remembered and that is saying a lot. The ritual was memorable for me. She was beautiful with such grace and presence. She sang with the most beautiful voice and it was so moving for me.

There was a part of the ritual where we were opening ourselves to ourselves and receiving whatever we needed, and the drum was playing in the background and we began to sing this beautiful song. I found myself sobbing and was quite taken aback from it in the beginning. There was something so profound within the ritual that was exactly what I needed in that very moment and asking for the way to be open to me. I realize it was a much needed cry and one that was full of gratitude and love for the beauty of this path that I have found in Paganism.

After the ritual and many tears later, I thanked her for her gifts. And we were off to our next amazing journey in the land of Pantheacon.

So our next seminar was with the beautiful soul called Christopher Penczak on the topic of Invocation, channeling and the oracular mysteries. And I can honestly say he was such a dynamic, down to earth and brilliant presenter. I am not sure how else to describe how great he was. I was so fascinated by not just the topic but his delivery and was unable to take effective notes, LOL!!

At the end of the session he guided us through a meditation to go into trance and speak with the gate keeper and possibly make contact with a spirit or deity to possibly build a relationship with for future invocation work.

I had one of the most interesting meditation experiences I have ever had. Several things presented themselves to me that had a lot of symbolism. The tree I visualized was huge and full of life and large bushy leaves. When walking past the stream in the meditation, a spider tangled in string, not web but man made string, was trying desperately to get to me. My gate keeper was clearly my spirit guide Halmina and she was her usual loving self. When I walked across the bridge to meet the spirit, there was no doubt that it was Cerridwen sitting in front of her cauldron. She was telling me that I needed to build my house. And then there were several flashes of a toilet that was broken. And she made reference to not being able to get rid of my waste, specifically emotional waste.

She talked about what she wanted from me was to give knowledge to others in exchange for her wisdom and guidance.

There is so much in that visualization and I knew almost immediately what a lot of it was referring to.

Before the seminar, Mr. Penczak signed a book for me. I thanked him for writing me an email once on one of my articles that he liked. I honestly didn’t expect him to remember me or anything remotely close, but wanted to say thanks for taking the time to write a personal message to someone like me regarding a piece of my soul he read via the internet. Those things are important to those like me who are just stepping out and learning to put their work out in a large medium. He immediately said, “oh yeah, Witchvox right? I remember that article, it was a good one”. I was so shocked because I hadn’t told him my name, the name of the article or where the article was. I had just said thank you and he actually remembered my work. What a nice blessing he gave to me and heprobably doesn’t even realize what it means to me.

After the seminar, Mr. Penczak let me take a picture of him, what a sweet man.

My next seminar was Margot Alder, writer of Drawing down the Moon. What a dynamic woman, full of unbelievable knowledge. She was able to talk about preparing the revision for the book after 15 years and all the new information, people, traditions and growth that the pagan community has made. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to her and all her knowledge. I was able to also get my book signed by her and a picture taken with her, which was an extra blessing.

The next seminar was on Gardenarian historical documents and information. It was an incredible and informative seminar that provided lots of information into the history of Wicca from the Gardner days.

We were so exhausted after 4 seminars that were 1 ½ hours long each that we decided to check out the vendors and then go do something we hadn’t done all day……….eat.

Of course there was lots of awesome vendors. I got my long desired amethyst runes and a Libana CD I didn’t have.

After shopping, we ended up at the Olive garden for dinner and then drove home.

What a beautiful day of exploration, community, knowledge and love. Thank the Gods for my ability to not only afford to go but also have wonderful coven sisters to go with and for having such amazing speakers to send a much needed message to my ears today.

Sometimes the challenge of life can be confusing, especially when you follow a path of the universe and try to find the mysteries as they are brought to you. I find that many times, I am trying to connect the lessons I am suppose to learn with the events that are happening in my life and sometimes there is no other connection besides the fact that life sucks sometimes. And coming to a place to "live life on life’s terms" sucks, can be confusing and it hurts.

But I also find that there are those events that are just life in motion with no rhyme or reason, and we find that we still become stronger by just walking through the turmoil that is considered life. I am always a person that looks at someone and measures my insides by their outsides and then wonder why everyone else’s life is so smooth sailing. But I continue to come to a place of understanding that life is full of trials and no matter how someone elses life looks like it is smooth; they are learning their lessons too. And most likely they are looking at another person’s life and doing the same thing by judging their lives against another.

I have found lately that the more out of control my life feels, the harder I am working to control the areas in my life that I can control. The best example of this is my house. I have been cleaning excessively lately. I think it is like measuring how my life is based on how my house looks and the messier it is, the messier I feel inside.

It gives me a pretty clean house most of the time but doesn’t really address the feelings of uncertainty that are happening inside. I think there is a certain piece of acceptance that I am struggling with understanding. Accepting that life is full of mysteries and I am not meant to understand them all. Accepting that life is painful sometimes and that it is the journey that makes my soul grows, so either way I am still moving in the right direction. It is understanding that it is not always my issue that I am forced to deal with and I have a choice not to take on other people’s baggage. I have enough of my own and I don’t have to carry someone else’s too. It is accepting that everyone has an opinion and although it is right to them, that is their truth within their world view and has very little to do with me.

I am grateful that I have learned enough in my journey to get me this far in my understanding but I know I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go.

Sometimes these things happen and they have such spiritual significance that they can’t go unnoticed. Last week I started having these interesting dreams and two stick out immediately. One dream where I found out that my husband was cheating on me with a friend. I remember feeling such a sense of betrayal from both parties. It was such a real dream that I woke up and said to my husband, "thanks for cheating on me and ruining the family". Oh course he had no idea what I was talking about until I could calm down enough to tell him of the dream.

The second dream was a couple of days later and I dreamed I was seeing a person who is really close to my heart, although I don’t see him much. Paul was in my dream and he came over to me and we hugged for a while. And he told me how much he missed me and how I will always be an important person in his life. And I remember crying in the dream because I had missed him so much. And then I noticed that he had on a hospital gown and he told me he was really sick. I remember not knowing if that meant he was dying and leaving me again.

From there the dream changed a little and we were standing, arm in arm, in front of my old friend casket. I remember sobbing in Paul’s arms and explaining that I watched him die and could never forget the look on his face. I felt such despair for the loss I was feeling that it was overwhelming.

I woke up from this dream crying and had a hard time coping all day.
How interesting that those dreams mirror the feeling of loss that are creeping into my life right now.

When the universe speaks, I will listen. I am listening now although I am not sure what lesson it is I am suppose to be learning. But I am listening………………still listening.

So I don't know if anyone else has the feeling of relief that comes at the end of the holidays but I do. I am so darned glad they are over that I don't know what to do. All the pressure, financial problems, parties, white elephant games, etc. I will just be glad to have weekends back to myself and less pressure to make the world happy.

New years was good for the most part. Spent it with family. Started off the new years with drama but thus is life. the family will be fine, like always.

A close friend's mom died this past weekend and that has made me very sad for her. Sometimes things happen and we fell so powerless in life.

I am looking forward to getting together wth the ladies to do a fullmoon ritual on Wednesday. I think we can all use it.

Well, life is full of curve balls and we can never anticipate the route that the universe has chosen for our lives at any given time. But besides all of that, life is good. I was driving back from the hair dresser yesterday and the thought crossed my mind that I am really happen with our new surroundings and the move. I feel good driving thru the city and looking at the neighborhood in which we now live. I feel such pride at being able to accomplish this for my family.

The holidays are here and with the holidays come such different ranges of stress. I can say that we luckily finished all of our shopping early this year and do not have to rush the last couple of weeks before the holiday. but it is such a hardship to worry about money, gifts, parties, visits, etc. I will be happy when the holidays are winding down and life goes back to some sense of normalcy.

Yule on the other hand, I am happy Yule is here. the coming of Yule brings the rebirth of the sun and the first glimpses of the growing of the sun back into our lives. and the opportunity for renewal and rebirth. I am looking forward to the new year and the possibilities it brings.
I send lots of yuletide blessings to all. May you find peace in the rebirth of the sun and the coming of the light.

Blessings!! Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays. Bring back the sun!

So, Robert was at a birthday party on Sunday. He was running and tripped and hit his mouth on the shoe rack and busted his mouth open. By the time he got home to me his tooth was hanging and we had to take him to an emergency dental appointment. So he is now missing his front tooth, swollen lips and a cut on his chin.

The big feasting holiday has past and it makes it all that much more real that Yule and the Winter holiday is that much closer. I hate how the Season has become more and more commercialized thru the years. It takes away all the specialness of the season and instead makes it more about money and shopping.

Thanksgiving was great as usual. Jon's family came over and Jody came over. We ate lots of food and wow the greens, mac and cheese and ham were so darned good. We just all sat around and talked the whole night. Banana pudding, pecan pie and my famous pumkin pie were deserts for the evening.

I spent the rest of the weekend reading for my degree studies, shopping and cleaning. I got word back from my second degree mentor from witchschool to tell me that i passed the 2nd degree final with a 97%!!! So I am finished with my degree studies with them and working on my third degree with FWTI.

I have been missing Marian and my dad lately. Two people I care a lot about and am not able to be with for one reason or another. I had plans on seeing Marian this weekend but Joey is sick and I wasn't able to come over. So I will shoot for next weekend.

Anyhow, that is a quick update on things, holidays and life. And the holiday crap has just begun!

Blessed Be

Ok, so we had the ancestor altar set up, the candle lit and did dinner to celebrate them. As we sat around the table, we told great stories of our family that had passed.

So, around 9:00pm I went into the kitchen to throw something in the trash and all was well. About 10 minutes later Kevin went into the kitchen and the front door was wide open. Our front door is not easy to open so we immediately felt strange. Jon got up and checked things out. I got out the sage stick and began saging the house.

When I came back downstairs from saging Jon said, "I don't wanna freak you out but someone knocked at the door". Obviously there was no one there. He said it was a wierd knock, like it was far away or something. And he said he definatley felt something when it happened. (for those of you who don't know, Jon is energy sensitive)

So, needless to say, we saged some more. We then broke down the ancestor altar, thanked them but sent them on thier way and then sat to watch a movie.

Everything else seemed fine and nothing else happened after that. But it was definatley a weird experience. LOL!

I am not sure why all of a sudden I am spirit sensitive, but it is creepy.
Many blessings.

Well, the new year is here. I am excited. I think this year has had a lot of things for me and I am looking forward to continuing the momentum of growth into the next year. There have been some good and definatley some bad but for the most part I can look back at the past year and see why I have had to go thru each and everything thing.

In ritual the other night we buried what we were giving back to the mother goddess (and keeping the lessons we have learned) and then put our wishes into the Cerridwen's brew to drink into the coming year. I see big things ahead for me this year.

I plan on finishing my book on balance and Walking the path of a true Wiccan. I see editing the kids book that i finished over a year ago on yule. (and hopefully some publishing stuff too) I see finishing the third degree. I see continued growth for the Danse of the Spirit Moon tradition, FWTI (Family Wiccan Traditition) and the Rise of the Phoenix Moon family trad that my family carries. Whew, that was a mouth full!!!

I see great growth with the FWTI and where that is going. I am nervous about the possibility of unexpected, fast growth but I know that we are going to take this to new places that other organizations in the Wiccan community have not gone. I am excited about that. I never expected to be nominated to become a board member of FWTI and am honored to serve.

I see continued stability for the family and where we want to go in our life. We are closer than ever and continuing to hang tight threw all the storms. The goddess put us together for a reason and we are all holding on tight.

So, this year should be great for everyone and I am looking forward to another wonderful year that will help me grow in my path to enlightenment. (I am working on it, LOL)

Many blessings to all. Blessed Samhain! Blessed Harvest!! Celebrate the cycle of death and rebirth.

Blessed Be
Rev. Crystal

So the people who are in my everyday life know the stuggle that has happened in the last several years. There have been many ups and many, many downs as well. And thus is life. I have been very grateful for the opportunities I have been given to grow within my spritual path because I feel like it has been the one consistent thing in the storms that have passed me and my family.

So, the time has finally arrived where I am studying for my third degree. It is strange because I am overly critical of myself and have held myself back for fear that I was not ready. But I am slowly coming to a place of understanding that I am ready. It has been a long time coming. And after talking to someone who is very special in my spiritual path (Thanks Dia) I am beginning to really understand that I am not that far away. There are some things I definatley have to work on but I am further a long than I gave myself credit for.

So right now, I am really settling into the place I am at in my journey. Between the SSC sisters, The Dance of the Spirit moon tradition (shout out to Jody) and FWTI, I am quite happy with wear my journey is leading me.

And not to mention, I AM WORKING ON THAT BOOK!!!

Blessed Be!

I am back from Salem and trying to adjust to California time. The jetlag this time was much worse than last, I am not too sure why.

The plane ride both ways was good, the landing into boston was a little rough (lots of fog and rain at the time). Everything went smoothly, the shuttle was ontime, no lost baggage, planes ontime, etc. We checked into the historic Hawthorne Hotel (I will do a seperate blog on that).
We ate lots of good food, lots of good shopping and plenty of walking a round. We met Laurie Cabot, she just happened to be in the store. I was "star struck", LOL! She was very nice and actually said goodbye to us.

People were much nicer this year. I think it was the difference between going on a off-week in October instead of the busy first week when the parade is going on. I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I didn't get too much for myself. I got an awesome pendant that broke the day after I got home, a cool shirt, an awesome bell for ritual and some misc stuff.

I think the most interesting thing I went to this time was a seance. It was interesting because it was neat to see someone else work in that capacity. There were 22 people in the seance and she felt like the real deal to me. She brought over 2 people that had family members in the audience. She then gave a "mini reading" to everyone in the circle.

When she got to me she talked about me being a leader, teacher or boss in some area of my life and that it was recent for me. She went on to mention that I have a lot of things in my head and that I need to write that book. And then said something about being on shelves.

Some people were disappointed with the experience, which I can understand but I was happy with it. I not only got something from what she said to me but mostly by watching her with everyone else. I thought it was a cool and different experience.

There is so much, and as I think of things, I will blog them.
Blessed Be!

I am back from Salem and trying to adjust to California time. The jetlag this time was much worse than last, I am not too sure why.

The plane ride both ways was good, the landing into boston was a little rough (lots of fog and rain at the time). Everything went smoothly, the shuttle was ontime, no lost baggage, planes ontime, etc. We checked into the historic Hawthorne Hotel (I will do a seperate blog on that).
We ate lots of good food, lots of good shopping and plenty of walking a round. We met Laurie Cabot, she just happened to be in the store. I was "star struck", LOL! She was very nice and actually said goodbye to us.

People were much nicer this year. I think it was the difference between going on a off-week in October instead of the busy first week when the parade is going on. I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I didn't get too much for myself. I got an awesome pendant that broke the day after I got home, a cool shirt, an awesome bell for ritual and some misc stuff.

I think the most interesting thing I went to this time was a seance. It was interesting because it was neat to see someone else work in that capacity. There were 22 people in the seance and she felt like the real deal to me. She brought over 2 people that had family members in the audience. She then gave a "mini reading" to everyone in the circle.

When she got to me she talked about me being a leader, teacher or boss in some area of my life and that it was recent for me. She went on to mention that I have a lot of things in my head and that I need to write that book. And then said something about being on shelves.

Some people were disappointed with the experience, which I can understand but I was happy with it. I not only got something from what she said to me but mostly by watching her with everyone else. I thought it was a cool and different experience.

There is so much, and as I think of things, I will blog them.
Blessed Be!

So we stayed in the Historic Hawthorne hotel. Prior to going to Salem, I had no idea about the history of the Hawthorne or any type of paranormal activity.

We checked in the first night to this beautiful place with loads of charm and uniqueness. I love it!! The lobby was decked out and classy looking, there was a altar with tons of pumpkins on it. And several f the pumpkins were huge!!

Our room was unique looking as well. It had two beds, a nice little desk, a TV, bathroom that consisted of a toilet and sink, a shower room that had only a shower in it and a closet.

That night we all went out to dinner at “the olde spot” formally McSwiggins. We got pumpkin icecream and went back to the hotel. Everyone went to bed around 10:00 and I was the last one down.

I turned off the lights after reading for a while and laid down. After a couple of minutes of laying down, I noticed two read dots on the ceiling. (almost like eyes, as crazy as that sounds). I tried to figure out the source of the lights but there was nothing. The room was pitch black.

From about 10pm to 4am I heard a series of running water/flushing sounds (which I assumed were the rooms above and on the side of us), had nightmares about a little kid (I think it was a boy) and a man (probably the father but not sure). I would dream, wake up, settle down and then start the dream all again. I was sitting there uncomfortable at the feeling of something pressing down on my chest.

At about 4am, Ariana got up to use the restroom and I asked her if she was able to sleep. She told me no and she was having bad dreams. When I asked her about what, she said a little kid. I am sure I don’t have to say how scared that made me.

When we woke up in the morning, the shower room door and the closet doors were both open and we are sure they were closed when we went to bed. We all talked about the experiences a little bit and then went on about the day.

The next night I took my candle and did a little blessing in all corners of the room. With a combination of the blessing, exhaustion and anxiety medicine, I slept thru the night.

On Thursday night we went on the haunted tour the guide asked if anyone was staying in the Hawthorne Hotel. She then proceeded to tell us that the hotel was haunted with a kid and a man. That the third floor was known to be haunted and there are reports of doors opening and closing on their own, things moving around the room and flushing toilets.

Should I know say that we were in room 309?

So after the tour I went to the hotel lady and asked. She said yes, it is all true. Scifi Channels, Ghost hunters were there 4 weeks ago and stayed for 2 weeks. It should air in January. She told us a lot of information about the hotel and past complaints and issues. In addition to telling us that the 3rd and 6th floors have the most complaints, including room 309, 321 and 324 or 325.

So, we will all make sure to watch the show in January!!

Well, I am have a massage permit in the city of pleasant hill, insurance, a business license and a office to work in. AWESOME!! The business is up and running in a functional kind of way, LOL. And this new office will lend the opportunity to teach classes or seminars too!

In addition, the goddess works in mysterious ways. Not only is the money part flowing but the clergy part is overflowing. I am still writing the two articles a month or paganpages.org and when i can for witchvox. I am mentoring students for our tradition. I am a Board member for the Wiccan Family Tradition international and working on developing two programs with the founder. My goodness!! I am also training to be a mentor with Correllian trad but am not sure of the status with that one yet. Things in my spiritual work are great.

So there is a quick update. More to come!!

Why is it that some people are so quick to grab and display that title without being ready to actually hold it? I am in a group of 481 "clergy" and can honestly say that there are so many in this group who have no tact, are rude and disrespectful or have no diplomacy to actually stand up to the title.

You cannot represent yourself as clergy but then act like an ass as soon as you open your mouth! Those two things don't go together. That doesn't make you clergy. It is only a lonely title that you have no idea of how to represent it. Anyone can have a title, it doesn't make you anything other than exactly who you are.

I have found (specifically in this group) that many are not fit to hold the title and need to be evaluated as such. They are not fit to teach or lead. And it makes it hard for those of us who are out here trying to walk our talk and actually be the role of clergy in our community.

Come on people, get over yourself. Your spiritual path is about you. Your clergy status is not about you, it is about the community and the people you serve (in the community!). You want to join a club and be cool, go back to highschool. You want to serve in the eyes of the goddess and walk and teach her people? Then humble yourself and do the job. Live up to the hype.

What is wrong with people???

So, recently I had a woman accuse me of being this person that I am not. It was amusing in ways because it was so far fetched that it could be taken as nothing short of a joke. And luckily I have decent self esteem and a bunch of people I trust that felt that this email was absurd and ridiculous too.

It is amazing how human nature works in people. Working in my job I see it everyday with people working towards recovery. But it is not just with them and with everyone. We as people hate others who have what we want or don't have. Why is that?

If someone else has more clean time then they are disliked by others who have less. If someone has completed college or massage school or whatever then there will be those who dislike them because they have achieved something that the other person has not. If someone has worked hard at achieving a career, spiritual foundation, becoming a better person, a good mother, whatever.................. there will be someone.........................you get the point.

And we wonder why groups and covens have such a track record of failing in the first 2 years? Instead of people hating others because they are something you want or have something that you don't, be inspired by it. Get information and hope from it. Grow from your feelings of inadequency and don't take it out on the world. It is these things that can help someone decide what they want in thier life and who they want to be.

Otherwise you will remain stuck in a life that is unhappy and unfullfilled. You will always be judging others by the standards that you don't feel you can live up too. It is not about anyone and all about you. What do you want in your life? You won't find it by trying to make everyone else wrong. Some act like crabs in a barrel, pulling eachother down to get to the top.

Don't hate someone because they have accomplished things or are what you are not.

If you look hard enough you will find the answers you need. If you don't.................... well, you make the choice.

Sometimes it is crucial for me to remember that life is but a lesson. I am here to further the development of my soul and to be of assistance to others and my community as it applies. So everything is but a trial to further my own growth. Every trial makes me stronger and more spiritual.

I thank those trials from the past, no matter how hard or painful. Those times have made me as strong as I am today. And for that I am grateful because I have the information and resources to deal with today.

And these trials today will prepare me for tommorrow.

The goddess works in mysterious ways, but never underestimate it. It isn't just her working but each of us working hard to learn the tools of life.

Blessed Be and Blessed Lammas!

I heard something from a fellow Wiccan that really bothered me. She was talking about how she spoke with an elder in the Pagan community and was told that many of the elders are "going into hiding" because of the influx of newbies joining the path with misguided information.

It made me angry to hear that someone told my friend this like it was ok. I mean, isn't that what is wrong with the movement as it is right now? It is right that the Wiccan community is growing by leaps and bounds right now, and as a result there are many out there who cannot find an appropriate teacher to study with. This is one of the many things that creates one to be "misguided" so to speak, because they are going to books that may or may not be accurate and are also settling for teachers who are not equipt to teach.

You can find information about invocations, goddesses, quarter calls, circle casts and whatever in books and on the internet but what about the ethics? Where do you find that in a way that it is completely explained? That is one of the major roles of the teachers and elders in the communities.

Elders have a duty to the community at large. So, in my humble opinion, if someone is quick to call themselves an elder but not willing to teach in the community................ something doesn't add up. There are many ways to contribute to the community and you can't find any?

Maybe those who are unwilling to support others in our community shouldn't complain about who is misguiding who. Why don't we ponder that for a while.......................

Sometimes I am saddened by the misconceptions of Wicca in the world and even in our own communities. It always amazes me how there are some that consider themselves Wiccan but yet misrespresent the beliefs to others. I have met so many like this throughout my journey and it makes me sad.

I have found myself pondering what my role is in this and what my role should be. I know that I am not responsible for others spiritual beliefs and for that I am grateful, it is enough just to take care of mine. But I do think that there are those of us in the community who should be of assistance if possible by helping to set the record clear and be an example (as much as possible) to the ethics in which make up the Wiccan faith.

Wicca is not about spellwork or being cool. It is not about revenge or anger. It is about spirituality and love. It is the connection to the god and goddess and the universe. One of the most important parts of the path of Wicca, not Pagan but Wiccan, is the Rede. It is an essential part of this path. If one does not follow the Rede then you may be Pagan but now Wiccan. And think about it, why wouldn't you want to follow a clause that ultimately protects you.
Wiccans should understand that we are a part of everything and everything is a part of us, as above so below. Whatever energy I send out is ultimatley tied to me. It is like throwing a tennis ball to a wall, it is coming right back.

There is a responsibility that comes with wearing that pentacle that goes far beyond being cool. It is the ultimate responsibility to this path and what we represent. I hope we can all remember that throughout our day and actually be what we are representing.

I remember my mom always telling me when I was younger how much of a daddy's girl i was. She never said it in a mean way but almost with a hint of jealousy in her voice because as a little girl there was always this longing for me to be close to him. As I grew up I finally got that wish. It took years to find the balance between being a daughter and respecting him as a father , and then being myself and appreciating him as my friend.

When I got the opportunity to build the bridges that have held me from him, it was freeing and liberating because I got the father I always wanted.

I got to spend the day today with a man that I respect but am terrified to lose again. I was finally able to be honest with myself as I drove away from him today and admit that I terrified to lose him again after I found him. I know that he will never truely leave me and that he never did but I find myself wishing that I could change things again and rewind time so I could spend just a little more with him before he goes so far away.

I am happy for him because I know he is happy, I guess I am just not ready to let go of being his little girl just yet. I am sorry that i couldn't tell you the goodbye that you truely deserved today, I just wasn't ready.

Have fun out there dad!! I am looking forward to seeing you next time, already.

I recently got the phone call from my dad saying that he got the house in Mississippi. So sadly I must say goodbye to a part of my life that has existed for 30 years. I don't know how to balance being happy and excited for him, and sad for myself and my kids. I guess it is not mine to figure out or try to control but sometimes I wish I could.

Jon and I have started attendent meetings to support us in our latest family saga. We are getting support from a lot of other parents who can relate. It helps ......................

Marian and James got Married on the 27th of May, I had the honor of performing the ceremony, and it was awesome. She was one of the most beautiful brides you could imagine.

And then there is Robert. So, last weekend I decided to take the family out to dinner at a really good Indian food resturant. I didn't expect that there was anything besides rice and bread that Robbie would eat. While we were eating our food, robert asked for a piece of my chicken pasanda.

So I put several pieces and his immediate reaction was, "my mouth is burning". I guess a little too spicy. So I gave him something to drink and continued eating, assuming he would finish his rice and Nan bread.

A couple of minutes later he tapped me and said, "I need more chicken!" I looked over and he had eaten all of the pasanda that I put on his plate. I would cut a couple more pieces and he would eat them immediatly. And after several pieces he would ask for some soda, guess his mouth would get a little hot. That kid ate so much chicken pasanda that we were laughing thru the meal. Who would have thought!!!

He is so my kid!
Blessed Be!!

It is so interesting how the universe throws curve balls to assist with learning and growing. And more often than not, those learning experiences are harsh and hurtful. So then the question really becomes, how do I want to deal with life in the face of such unfairness, hurt and pain?

Sometimes that question is hard to answer. I know that I would like to consider myself to always be exactly where I need to be, and sometime I know I am. But I also know that having faith can sometimes mean that I am just walking thru whatever is put in my way because the rewards are going to be great in the end. Even if nothing makes sense at the time.

I know that I want to always walk with the goddess at my side. I know I want to represent myself as a priestess in the eyes of the spirit. So that begins the process of leading me to a place of understanding that I must just continue to walk, despite the pain, despite the confusion, despite the lack of hope at times. A priestess just continues to walk, for it is her path to the Gods.

And so I walk..............................................

The universe has a way of twisting fates so that lessons are learned. Interestingly enough, sometimes that is a hard concept to grasp, especially when it is your fate and future in question.

So I have struggled off and on for a while now with the question of whether I should become not just a leader in the community but a teacher or mentor. After my first experience with someone who was suppose to be my "teacher", I just concentrated on my path and mine alone.

But after doing that series of meditations and connecting with Halmina my spirit guide earlier this year, I know that it is a part of my path. I know that by not taking this step I am hindering my own spiritual growth.

Many in the pagan/wiccan community have continued to support me and are supporting me with this decision as well and that feels good. I am thankful to my sisters in the coven because they are more than just friends but they are family. I am thankful to a new survivor of the old group that I am able to get to know and also to a old group member that I have been able to reconnect with. All of these things streghthen my closure of the old and blossoming of the new.

And I am grateful to the old group and my experiences there, good or bad, because I learned a lot about who I am and who I am not. I learned a lot about what is important and what isn't. And it taught me what kind of teacher or mentor I want to be.

Sometimes growth is hard but in the end, it is all growth baby!!!
Blessed BE!!!

P.S. Don't forget to live your truth!

Hey there all! So we moved this past saturday and everything is wonderful! Well, the move itself was stressful and lots of work. And we are still finishing some stuff at the apartment and unpacking at the new house. But overall things went very well and I can't complain about the work because the pay off is a great place in a great neighborhood with great schools!

Kevin started school today and said he really likes it. So that is good so far. Hopefully he will use this opportunity as turning a new leaf with new options.

My mom seems happy about everything but says she feels like she is on vacation and will still go back home. It hasn't sunken in that this new place is home now.

Me personally, I am just amazed the the sun comes up so early and bright out there and that so far everyone is so nice and pleasant. We went to Chilli's and the lady actually held the door open for us when we were leaving, thanked us for coming and hoped that we would come back again. Wow, what a difference.

And I went to the Barnes and Nobles there last night for the first time. It is a nice one and I am happy about that of course.

Well, after things are together, we will have a BBQ or something fun.
BB!!

Greetings all. Just thought I would update the blog and let everyone know that I am moving. We are finally moving out of the ghetto and to a nice area. So of course I am nervous as hell but it is good because we are going to be in a really good neighborhood with great school and less crime.

I am hoping that it is a big move up in life for the whole family. AND I will be able to host circle so I am excited about that.

Let's see, any other news? Robbie is close to being potty trained, yippee!! I am still working on creating my own tradition, super yippee! I am still writing monthly articles for Paganpages.org but haven't picked up my book in forever.

Getting geared up for moving, pagan pride festival on may 6th and a mother's day craft show. whew, I need a clone.

Blessed Be!

Greetings all!! Well, first lets start with welcoming the coming of spring. Ostara is a special time of the year and in reflection we can always see the impact that the growing stregnth of the sun has on our lives.

I for one am welcoming the coming of spring this year, for the dark half was a hard one. For this holiday I have spent some wonderful time with friends, the coven sisters and my family. We are continuing to try and keep the bond strong so that it may withstand the dark times.

So, good news............. I finished my program with the acupressure institute. I am very proud of that. My business is growing and I am scheduled to do something like 10 or 11 shows this year. In addition, a very close friend and I am jumpstarting another business venture with massage and actually looking for a space as well.

I am already in the planning phase for the Salem trip this year and looking forward to that. and it looks like the family might be going with me as well!!! That will be fun!

I recently took a class to connect with my spirit guide and learn to channel and it is awesome. I am working hard to developing that skill and so far so good. My spirit guide is awesome and it is amazing how connected you feel with the universe when you confirm that there is something else there. Awesome!!

The family is fine. I continue to send my wishes of support to the universe for each and every one of them. Hopefully the light has many good things in store for everyone.

So today I am grateful for the opportunity to see the coming of the light because it is that reminder that the wheel continues to turn and we are never truely stuck. Life will continue to manifest itself and we will continue to grow inside.

Blessings to all.
Crystal

So, a lot has happened, of course. My life just seems to work that way. Things at home are the same and we are still learning to live life on life's terms.

My business is taking itself into so many different areas. I am now making so many different things, including candles, that I actually have inventory!! I am already signed up to be a vendor at the Pagan Parade Festival in Berkeley and I am excited about that.

I have one more class left in school and I am taking it next weekend! Yippee!! It is an accomplishment for sure! I will actually be doing bodywork at the pagan parade in may! www.paganparade.org

So besides that, the coven is great. everyone is still together and we continue to grow together. We are truely an awesome, blessed group of women. Can't believe it has been almost 2 years together as a group after leaving the mess we left behind. What an awesome accomplishment. In addition, everyone is growing by leaps and bounds. So many of us are doing our own businesses and perfecting our crafts. It is beyond words.

Well, I must also include here that I have had the pleasure of reuniting with some old friends that I had lost contact with. My long lost friend, that is more like a brother to me, (JOHN) has found me and we are talking again like old times. it is a good feeling and I am so happy! I also got to go to dinner with Leah and that was great too.

These are the things that help me balance out the dark times.

Marian and the babies are good. They are gorgeous of course. I am so blessed to be in thier lives.

Robbie is peeing on the potty every morning now, yippee!! So we have progress. And it is amazing how he is so smart now. He thinks he is a CSI agent, which just cracks me up.

Anyho........... love, light and all that jazz. May the goddess bless you in the coming year. I am hoping the same.

Until next time,
Crystal

I am soooo excited that the holidays are over! The holidays always represent unreal expectations for people. That is one reason that I do not enjoy the commercialized mainstream holidays anymore. Everyone forgets what they are really about.

So since last blog post many things have changed. Neither of the older boys are home right now. It continues to be a hard road to travel but we have been hanging in there.

It is just Kevin and Robbie holding down the kid fort but we are doing ok.

On another tip, I have made a new friend in Georgia and what a wonderful person she is. She is the HP for a tradition and coven called the family wiccan tradition. I have been getting some much needed feedback from her about my spiritual path and it has motivated me to find some of the answers on my own. I have done a lot of meditating and feel that I truely know what my calling is and where my path is going. That is definatly growth for me! LOL

So, with that I am continuing to move forward on my quest to teach and heal. I am almost finished with acupressure school. I am very excited about that and actually met a teacher who inspired me soooo much. Her name is Alice and she is a wonderful human being. She spends her time between here and Africa helping the villiagers there. She was such a breath of fresh air and also a person who put some flame behind my spiritual behind, so to speak.

So, speaking on teaching....... I have a new article on witchvox and have been given two columns on a new ezine called paganpages.org. This month my two articles are pagan christmas and Wiccan ethics "Harm None". Check em out!

http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usca&c=words&id=10254

http://paganpages.org/

Well, turkey day was good. It was nice to have a day where we did nothing but cook and be with one another, although we are missing one. We are saddened by the turn of events with one son losing his mind to the streets and extremely happy about having Jonathan back home. It is so strange how fate and life works. We lose one son to the streets only to get our other one back.

I am hoping that the lord and lady are looking after my son while he is out there searching for the lessons he has to learn. I only hope he doesn't pay with his life.

During Thanksgiving we all sat around and went around the circle telling what we were thankful for. It was nice to have everyone in the same room and being grateful for one another.

The dark half of the year has definatly taken a toll on this family this year but there is always a ray of sunlight amongst the dark. I am so looking forward to the rebirth of the sun so hopefully it will symbolize the coming of the light back to this family.

I must say though, we are hanging tough and continue to hold onto one another. We are continuing to be by eachother's side throughout this all.

Thanks the goddess for the good times so we can get through the bad.
Blessed Be!!!
Crystal

I am having the hardest time getting Kevin into a suitable school that isn't full of kids who don't give a shit and an administration that doesn't either. It feels almost impossible to find a good school for our kids that is within our district or suitable. The red tape within our school system is ridiculous and impossible.

I am looking into Charter schools for I feel they are the wave of the future. Hopefully that will work out better than the crap public schools we are stuck with. We can continue to thank the terminator for the school improvement!

Crystal

Well, in light of my last post I thought it was a good reason to post this. For the last several nights Kevin, Robbie, Jon, my mom and I have been creating herbal bath salts and oatmeal milk baths for presents. It is such a great feeling to watch the kids get excited about creating things and working with herbs. Kevin did a great job and created some awesome recipes.

What a fun experience and something that any family can do. I don't know if the rest of the world gets such joy out of having herb time with the family but I do.

Blessed Be!
Crystal

For all the parents out there, I am sure this is a topic that hits home for all of us. It is an interesting thing to find spirituality and enlightenment and want to share it with those you love. But there is such a fine line between trying to raise your family with faith and enlightenment versus forcing beliefs on your family.

I know that I want my kids to feel the magic of life and know that there is something out there. I want to raise them in traditions that will pass onto thier families as they grow up. I want to give them the opportunity to find peace with the harsh lessons of life.

I find myself thinking about how to raise and run my family with tradition and spirit without forcing a path. I don't care what path they chose, just learning to do the footwork to find thier own spirituality.

So where do I start? I have been really thinking about what options I can chose to get them involved in activites that get them engaged in nature and spirituality. Hiking, picnics, cooking special meals, etc. Hmmmm............so much to think on.

I know that mainstream religious parents may not have the same trials that we do because thier holidays are open and recognized. It feels harder for me because I do not celebrate what the calender states.

The job of a parent never stops.
Crystal

Life is such an interesting journey. Sometimes it feels like a roller coaster that you can't get off of and yet you are not sure if you should get off.

In many ways I am very excited because my oldest son has come home. There isn't an emotion to describe the cross between excitement, happiness and fear but if there was then you would know how I feel.

I am hopeful at the thought that he is being given the opportunity to fix all the wrongs in his life. But of course we all know how hard it can be to appreciate the opportunities that are in our face. I hope he understands that everyone doesn't get a second chance and when you do you should grab it like there is no tommorrow.

How strange life is that I have felt saddened by feeling that I lost one son recently and then my oldest son reappears. I just hope that one day I will have all my family together again and healthy...........and whole.

My son Kevin is my rock. I don't know that he will ever fully understand that but I hope he knows how much I love him and look to his face for reassurance that things are ok. My son Robbie is my spirit. His excitement for life helps me face the world. Keith is always in my heart, no matter where he is. I can only hope that he learns his lessons fast and quick so he can move on and chose his fate instead of letting life take him hostage. Jonathan never left my heart. I shut the door to that part of my heart several years ago to shield myself from the pain and to perserve the image of that little boy I wanted to remember. I hope they all know that I am here for the long haul and once you become a parent, by blood or spirit, you can't just turn it off.

Although I feel all alone sometimes, I know that I am not. I can only hope that I can pass on some of the lessons I have learned in life to save my kids from learning them the hard way. Isn't that every parents hope? I can't always take away the pain but I can atleast give hope.

Today I am grateful to my faith, I know it is the reason I have continued to have the strength to open my eyes everyday and rise from the comfort of my bed to brave through a world that sometimes has no answers. I will continue to do the right thing when no one else is looking and face the storms of life, even when I feel I have no hat, coat or umbrella to shield me from the rain. I carry the power of the God, Goddess and Universe on my side, so I will march on.

Everyone deserves a second chance, I only ask that they take it. Once it blows away in the wind it is almost impossible to get it back.

Blessed Be.
Crystal

Well, It has taken me a while to post about the recent events of life. So much has happened and there is so many places I could start, so I will start with Salem and good friends.

My trip to Salem, MA was awesome and it is hard to describe how much fun it was. I was in a strange place with two of my closest friends. I was able to spend some time with just me and my needs for a change. Salem was beautiful and the atmosphere was amazing. I have never been in a place where there was so many pentacles and pentagrams everywhere. THE CITY LOGO IS THE FLYING WITCH FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!

Jody, Christine and I got to go to several museums, reinactments/plays, and a ghostly footstep tour where we got pictures of orbs and one of a possible spirit!! And of course we got lots of shopping done. I am very grateful for such awesome and wonderful friends.

Things at home have been up and down. I have been suffering with panic attacks and recently went to the doctor who is performing some tests and prescribed some medication. In addition, the family has been dealing with the struggles of raising teenage kids in todays society. It is amazing how the world has changed and scary to think of where we are going.

But to the credit of the family, we are hanging in there and trying to dodge the turmoil that may come our way. I especially want to say that my son Kevin is such a strong soul and inspiration for everyone to continue to survive in a world that can feel so uncertain. I am grateful for that in my life.

The twins are awesome and beautiful. There faces remind me that there is peace in the world. I can't believe how fast they are growing and sometimes want to freeze time so I can just hide in thier innocence. I hope they love me as much as I love them, although I doubt they could ever imagine how important they are to a person like me.

Robert continues to run circles around everyone like he is on speed. Sometimes I wonder how to keep him grounded but then I remember that it must be a wonderful thing to only have to worry about whether grandma is gonna take you to target or walmart for a hot wheels toy. And it is in those moments that I remember how important it is to be able to be so free and I envy him. It is a blessing to be able to be around such a free spirit and look into his eyes that look back at me like my own. It is like looking into a mirror but the reflection shows an excitement about life that I am missing sometimes. It is a good reminder of how my eyes slant and curl up at the ends when I am smiling or happy. Just thinking about it makes me smile now.

The dark half of the year is definatly apon us but the witch's new years is right around the corner and with it comes an opportunity to let go of the past year and welcome the new. It is now a good time of year to work the dark/crone energy and release some of the things that keep us down. I hope everyone takes advantage of that, I know I will be.

Blessed Samhain everyone. Thank the goddess for another chance to learn the lessons the universe has to teach. Thank her for another turn of the wheel.

Blessed Be!

Ok, so the kids are back in school. Keith's first year of highschool and Kevin's first year of Jr. High. So far so good. Little glitches along the way but that is to be expected.

Keith is playing JV football for school and we are super excited about that. We went to the scrimage last friday in Vallejo and he did really, really good. We are so proud.

I took some pictures and I will upload them to the site really soon. There is a game this Saturday so I will post how it went.

Robert turned 4 on Tuesday!!! I can't believe it!! And Keith's birthday is Sunday the 11th and he turns 14!! Everyone is growing so fast and it is exciting and scary at the same time. I want so much for my kids and of course I am terrified that they will get caught up in the streets and bad choices. I don't think I have ever prayed so much in my life.

And last but not least, for the first time ever............................. Robbie pooped on the potty last night!!! And then an hour later he pee peed! Hopefully we are turning a corner with this diaper thing!

Blessings are a coming,
Crystal

Well............. Jody, Christine and I are going to Salem, MA for vacation the first week of October. We decided to do something nice for ourselves and go across the united states to check out all the cool exhibits, tours and shops, in addition to the October Fest they have every year. The Harry Potter convention is the same weekend.

So I am super excited and scared at the same time. I haven't been on a plane since jr high school, yikes! And this will be the first time I have left my baby behind since he has been born, my mom since she has been disabled and the whole family for that matter. I don't think I have gone on vacation without them since the beginning................. over nine years. So I am super, duper nervous and feeling guilty. But I will be fine and I will enjoy it to the fullest!

Only one month away............................

Sorry to post so late. I decided that since so many things have happened since I last posted, I would post a series of entries to update everything, instead of having one super long post.

I went on vacation with the family, Christine and Jody to reno. We rented a really nice three bedroom house in the residential area of reno. It had a nice covered sun deck and a hot tub.

We relaxed a lot and of course went to the casinos several times. Robert loved Circus Circus and keeps asking to go back to this day, LOL. We went to several buffets and ate till I almost popped at the Peppermill. They had such good food!

We went to the mall out there and did school shopping and had the opportunity to go and check out the local reno pagan shop.

We had a grubbin BBQ and ate way too good. It was a damn near perfect trip and even got to stop in Truckee to go to the Sweets Candy shop!

What a good way to enjoy some time off!
Crystal

And the wonderful Joesph. I wish you could see his eyes but I will post another one of both the babies soon! 

Beautiful Gracie! She looks so much like her momma! 

This is one of the best pictures that Marian has taken of Robbie. 

Another pic of robbie! 

Robbie again on Halloween 

Keith and Kevin on Halloween 2004 

Robbie as Harry Potter on Halloween 2004 

So much has happened! The light half of the year has truely blessed us with the birth of Joesph and Gracie! They were born on June 8th at Kaiser Oakland. Joesph was 7 pounds and 20 1/2 inches. Gracie was 5 pounds 11 ounces and 19 1/2 inches. Wow, talk about some good sized twins!

Marian did awesome and is one of the bravest women I know. She was doubtful that she would be able to pull it off and she surprised herself. Hats off to her!!!!

Everyone is good and healthy, thank the goddess. And just like that, miracles are happening all around me.

A very special and awesome person came back into my life. She is more than a friend but a spiritual sister to me. She reunited with all of us from the group and it has felt so complete. What a blessing. And it is almost like we were never seperated. Everything fell right into step again, just like it was meant to be. Welcome back Jody! It is so great to have your awesome personality back in the mix!

Everything and everyone else is good. I finished my reiki classes and obtained level three, reiki master and teacher level. That was a good acomplishment for me!

I had another article posted on witchvox. It was on the front page for a week and now it is listed with the other articles. It was posted on May 8th and I meant to give out the info earlier. But you can still see it on the site with this link.
http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usca&c=words&id=9220

Hope you enjoy it! It was fun to write and I bet you could guess where a lot of my motivation came from, LOL!

I will be posting pictures of the twins soon!

Many blessings,
Crystal

I was going through some old disks and found a poem I wrote about a year ago. Or something like that. So I thought I would post it and share. Hope you enjoy!


Coming out of the closet

In my eyes I am whole,
I know how to heal my soul.
I am one with the universe and blessed with her grace
I have found myself and things have fallen into place

I now understand….I can see
I feel the changing of the seasons inside of me
Maiden, Mother, Crone…. inside of me I feel
Season’s change with each turn of the wheel

I feel the spirit in my heart
I see the god in the trees
I feel the goddess in the breeze
I am rejuvenated by water’s embrace
My blood warms with fire’s grace

I know I have been here before,
I know I will come again,
A place for me waits in Summerland

I am a woman, I am a mother,
I am a daughter, I am a sister,
I am a friend,
I am a goddess……..
I am a witch

Well, first off I will say...........Thank the goddess for the coming of the light! This has been a very interesting dark half of the year with a lot of transition and change. Some ups and downs, some more extreme than others.

Life is still super busy and stressful but I am hanging in there and doing a darn good job of it so far. I am still working and unsure if layoffs are going to happen in July. I have worked real hard at a plan and I feel confident in the plans I have now. Financially we will be good so I can atleast exhale.

Beltane was great. We had it at our friend Willow's house and everyone's family and friends were able to come and participate. Jon and the older boys came. We all had lots of fun doing the Maypole, ritual and a bonfire. The kids especially liked the maypole and the bonfire. It was nice having them there to be a part of the festivities and not be excluded from the celebrations.

All the women were great and supportive with everyone's friends and families. Keith called in the God with me and I was very proud of him. We called in the green man because he liked him the best.

Marian is still pregnant and ready to pop. She is 34 weeks and counting. It is getting really hard on her and I hope she has a speedy delivery. She's hanging in there like a trooper but it is taking it's toll on her.

I finished my first degree again!!! I was pleased about that and felt a real sense of accomplishment. So I am moving on in my studies to the second degree and almost finished with my requirements to get clergy through this tradition as well. I am glad to be moving on to the next phase. Although I went through the first degree with the last "group" I was in, I now know it was not an honest process. At first I was a little resentful to do it all again but I am glad I did, I learned what was missed by doing it the second time. If I hadn't I would have never known the wholes that had been left out. Interesting how life happens like that.

I finished reflexology class and that was fun. Lots of stuff to remember and work on. My next class in Intermediate Acupressure which is in May.

I got my second degree Reiki attunement about 2 weeks ago. In about a week or so I will be moving onto masters level Reiki. I am excited about that as well.

Well, until next time.
Blessings times 3!
Crystal