Rev. Crystal's Full Moon Blessings

Last night I went to the fullmoon labyrinth walk with Kat. We went to the last full moon candlelit labyrinth moon walk for 2007 and last night was the first one of the year for the 2008 season.

The night was cold with the kind of chill that makes your bones shiver and the anticipation of the cold was trying to convince me that tonight was not a good night to go. But I knew there were things I needed from the full moon walk and I knew I needed to go.

The labyrinth was darker than I remembered it from last years walk. There were three ladies on the maze as we walked up and they were talking while walking. I immediatley got irritated at their disrespect and said "Shhhh" before I started. They did stop talking but for the first section of the walk I couldn't pull my focus from them to me.

I then started thinking about recent choices I have made and why things have seemed so hard in this recent process. While doing that I grabbed my pentacle (which was the one that Kathryn and Ariana gave me when I got my third degree) and I thought "I love this pendant". And I questioned why I haven't been wearing it. I remembered when I first took it off and I remembered a statement that was made to me about the necklace from someone about how others "might have a problem with it" and at the time I didn't think they were related or affected me but they did. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks while walking.

Right after that I asked myself "why do I care?" About two steps after that I almost fell completely off the path. Not step off the path but fall completely over. I rebalanced and thought "god damn it takes hard work to stay on the path." AHA!!!!!!!

I think I am falling off the path. I don't think I allowed myself the time to become stable and secure in my place on my path before throwing a curve ball towards me. And at what point can someones statement or others views contribute to me pulling back from what I have worked towards for almost 6 years. If it was a master's degree in college, would I allow others thoughts to invalidate my degree? I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me and that is something I need to remember.

This is what I got on the trip inward on my journey. Interestingly when I got to the middle I felt relieved. I felt like I got some answers. I have rushed myself, I have not stayed true to my path, I have allowed outside interference to affect me and have not stood as proudly in my accomplishments.

On the way out there were two things that were profound to me. One was that there was a lady who was walking also and was at a faster pace. In my mind I knew she needed to pass us but I had to start reminding myself "don't look back, don't look back". I realized how I concentrated on someone elses path instead of staying focused on my own. With the exception of those whom I am responsible for like my kids, or those whom have entrusted me to be their spiritual mentor, I should not be worried about other people's path.

And there was this part of the path that I couldn't really see and I found myself getting anxious. And then I had to think in this maze, I will just catch my balance. What is the worse that can happen. I just have to find the path when it is unclear and catch my balance when it is off.

This has been an interesting week. Isn't it amazing how a week can start off one way and drastically change direction within the course of several days? Or sometimes minutes?

This week has been full of disappointments, interesting dynamics, crazy work schedules, strange decisions and unanswered questions. As I finish off the week part of me is saying, "woohoo!!!" and the other part is reminding me to soak in the lessons of this week and not take them for granted.

Here is a short yet interesting list of some of the things I have learned or reminded of in the past 6 days:

* own your power
* clear communication is good communication
* don't over extend yourself
* trust your answers
* don't assume that things are ok
* relationships take work
* sometimes being fair takes conscious thought
* speaking your mind doesn't mean that it will be heard
* everyone sees life through a different set of lenses
* When you miss someone, call them
* trust my instincts
* Personal boundaries are some of the hardest to enforce

I am sure this list could go on and on. I am glad I am getting something out of the week of strange experiences, it makes it all worth it. I think my goal for this year will be to remember my own integrity and personal power so I can use it is a supportive and responsible way.

Blessed be!

This may be one of those blogs that turn into the oh so famous crystal articles.......... so interesting how that happens. I don't know where to start with this thought so I will just jump in anywhere. For those of us who practice the craft we always here the discussions about training or opinions on the "traditional" people versus the eclectic people. I gotta say I can't stand those conversations.

I am so irritated with hearing opinions of who thinks who is really trained or "what tradition is real witchcraft" versus the eclectics. Here is what i don't understand, who cares? Don't people get tired of being so worried about how other people's training add up to their ideals?

Let me be the first to say that I am a trained eclectic Wiccan practitioner who is proud to have trained in the manner in which I did. I have been trained in a tradition that is founded on respect, tolerance and differences. Because of this I find it so hard to understand when others think they hold the keys to the "right way" of practicing the craft. As I embark on continuing and branching out I am caught off guard at how often I am hearing comments speaking against eclectic paths. It is frustrating and amazing at the same time. I am amazed that people do not consider how offensive they might be. What community do we create when we can justify those types of divides within the community? What is the real purpose of doing such? Do people really think that they are the only ones who can measure others practice or training styles?

Here is how I view the eclectic versus the traditional saga. I see such strengths on both sides of training and practice. Being eclectic can be wonderful because it teaches you to be creative with your concepts of deity and worship. It gives a big enough box to work inside of so that one can explore different sides and angles of the craft. It takes a strong person to truly train in an eclectic tradition because it requires that someone be disciplined enough to learn in a tradition where there are many options and variables. More "traditional" paths have strengths too. There is a history of practice and knowledge. There is a uniformity to practice that can lend to a common expectation of the followers of that path which can lend to the power of the work.

There are disadvantages to both sides too but I think that defeats the point of where I am going here. For those who are busy making judgments of the eclectics of the craft I think it is a strong possibility that you need to go back to your training guides and review the sections on working with others, creating community, tolerance, humility, respect, being open minded to differences and whatever else you may or may not have received the first time. If those things are not a part of your training then now is a perfect time to create them. They can be passed down to those who come after us.

This is not coming from a place of anger but rather a place of sincere concern at the state of a community that so harshly judges each other instead of finding ways to bridge the gap among our own. I hope this continues to change as the pagan world progresses to higher places in our development as a community.

I chose not to stand on one side or the other but if I felt I had to, the choice is already made...............there is no choice. My foundation is that of a Wiccan High Priestess of two traditions that are based in love, balance, understanding, tolerance and honoring of the differences that make this community of talented people so great. Won't you join me?

I feel it is important to clarify my intentions and make a couple of things clear for those who I respect and love. I have been blessed with wonderful friends and coven mates for a long time now. I have been blessed to work in two traditions that trusted me enough to grant me to opportunity to train and become a High Priestess thru both of them.

I have recently made a decision to begin training with NROOGD. This is a huge thing for me, like all the other training decisions I have made. But it is important to say that I am not looking to replace the coven or either of the traditions I Priestess with. I am looking to add onto my training. To fill gaps so that I may be a better priestess for myself and anyone who comes to me.

I am adding to, not replacing. Solitaries of the Second Circle, Dance of the Spirit Moon tradition and Family Wiccan Tradition International are my foundations. I am excited about adding NROOGD to those other things that mean so much to me because I will have more knowledge and be able to be an even more productive member for everything else.

Thank you to everyone who continue to be supporters to me throughout the years. I love you.

This weekend was another pillar in my spiritual building. I got the chance to do three things that are inside of my passion. I have been working all week with another priestess of DSM to prepare a ritual for the SSC. In one weekend I got to have a dedication ritual with NROOGD, circle with the sisters of the SSC and perform a DSM ritual for people I love.

I went showed up at our elders place for the ritual on Saturday and had many different thoughts going in my head. I was not sure what to expect but had a calming sense that I was doing the right thing and that things were going to be as they were suppose to be. After getting there we went to get some food, which was good. It gave me a minute to ground and prepare myself emotionally.

After returning, we did the dedication ritual and I was honored to have some of the people I highly respect from three of the bay NROOGD covens come out to support this process for me. I know that they came out to support this process for Sacred Serpent but I also know that they came for me and that meant a lot to me.

Interestingly enough after Saturday morning, I sat there and processed going skyclad in ritual. I took my cleansing bath and during that I feel like I was finally able to wash those insecurities and fears down the drain. After that process I wasn't nervous anymore. I was going to do what I knew I had to do for myself. Being skyclad after that moment wasn't a fear that kept me bound and the ritual was not a source of uncomfortableness. I feel like I grew in that respect alone by being able to go thru with it and not allowing fear to take me over and make my choices for me.

On Sunday the SSC coven came to my house and Ariana and I led a DSM ritual. It was great to show the others who were here some of what DSM has been doing over the last 3 years. DSM has grown so much and the ritual showed that for me. I was excited to show it and share it. I think the only thing missing was Jody.

We dyed eggs with everyone and sat around on this beautiful spring day enjoying eachothers company. How amazing the connection is between all of us. Time has created that for us and it is wonderful.

It was also great to have the kids and my mom there with us. It was great. Gives me a lot of hope for what is to come. Embarking on a new journey and being able to honor the one that is my foundation.

Blessed Be!

So, for what seems like the 80th time, I watched What the Bleep last night with a friend. It never cease to amaze me how much one can learn by repeating the same thing over and over again.

I heard the same things tonight but in a different way. I guess I needed to hear it. In light of some recent life events, came to the conclusion tonight that (once again) I have some rewiring to do with my neuronet. I have done this several times before but now it is on a different side of the coin. It is rewiring some of the connections about some of the unwanted energies that I call into my life and the associations I create with them. How I need to change my reality and perseptions of certain things.

Interesting how life is, isn't it? So starting today I have a whole new set of things I will be working on. Wish me luck......

Some of you may already know what I am referring to but in the interest of the spirit of rewiring, I don't see the point in detailing it out.

Blessed Be!

This week has been one that cannot really be described in one blog or in words at all really. I am going to try to find a place to start and begin to talk about a process that has changed many things about how I have looked at the world until now.

After over two years of working with my spiritual mentor and High Priestess I was finally able to pick her up at the airport and look her in the eyes. There was that brief moment of questioning if I knew this woman at all but within moments I knew that this would change my life. Over the next couple of days we went to several pagan shops as she did seminars there, we took a trip to the Redwoods and San Francisco with two of my students and did a series of remarkable rituals.

I received my Third degree ritual to become the second High Priestess of the Family Wiccan Tradition International. Because the ritual itself is oath bound, I can just say that it was a moving experience full of fears, anxiety and triumph.

I was then privileged to work with Dia to do the second degree rituals for Ariana and Obsidian with her. That in and of itself was also an incredible and remarkable experience to stand side by side with her and do the elevation rituals.

We were able to spend some quality time together as family and it was a great and bonding experience. And this led us to PantheaCon!!

After years of working with Dia towards my third degree for FWTI, it is finally here and I will be getting my elevation this week. I am nervous and excited all at the same time. The universe always answers the call.
Thank you.

So on the day before the New Years I pulled my usual two Goddess cards for the day to reflect on. Interestingly today I pulled the Butterfly Maiden and Freyja.

Here is what the butterfly Maiden says “You are experiencing enormous change right now, which brings great blessings.” Her card talks of transformation, “don’t be concerned about the endings because they’re bringing in the new for you. Let go of the old. Don’t worry about these changes – they’re truly for the best”.

Freyja’s card says “Unleash your adventurous side! Take risks and be daring.” Her card talks about not playing it safe, being bold, taking risks and making a bold life change.

So here ya go. This is what I want and NEED to leave behind going into the New Year. Names are not necessary. Let this message get to the universe and aid in being able to finally close that door and walk forward.

You hurt me but I love you. You abandoned me and I don’t understand but I don’t have to. I honor what you gave me and the hard lessons you have taught me, I am stronger.

At first I thought I would never trust people as much as I trusted you guys but now I know that isn’t true. Instead I have learned how to love more and know that sometimes when we love people we have to release them. Both of you taught me how to release and I value that lesson.

I will love harder, be a better friend, hug more, laugh more, release when I need to and enjoy this moment in ways I couldn’t before. Because today I am moving to a place you can’t go and that is my own raised vibration of spiritual being that has been enhanced by your lessons.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I release you. I release you. I release you both.

I am in current negotiations (for lack of a better term) to do some work in a new metaphysical shop in the area. Looks like I will be doing tarot readings, doing workshops and helping to coordinate the schedule for the shop.

I am really excited at this potential opportunity and will keep you posted when things are firmed up a little.

Blessed Yule everyone. I want to first start this blog by saying I am grateful for the family and friends that I have. I have so much abundance in my life and I try to remember everyday to be grateful for those things. Sometimes it is easier to remember my blessings than others but I am not one of those people that believes that the holiday season is a time to be nice. I believe that everyday is as important and the other and everyday is full of magic and blessings.

I got some awesome presents this year including lots of clothes and DVD's that I have wanted, including the new Harry and the final season of Charmed.

Within the last several weeks I have been on Yule and holiday overload. I have attended or hosted 6 rituals since the 9th of December, 3 in the last week.

I can honestly say that I have felt more of a solid connection to my tradition the more that I am in ritual space. Interestingly enough, Yule is not one of my favorite of Holy days but the Goddess obviously has another plan for me, even if I don't know what it is yet. I distinctly have felt like the Goddess is trying to orient me for being able to let go of my biases for this Sabbat and to be able to feel ok during the dark half. (for those who know me, you know that the dark half of the year is always super hard for me).

Since going thru all of the rituals, traditions and practices of this season, although it was one of the nicest Holiday seasons for me, I am glad it is over. AND on to the coming of the new year, 2008.

Thank the Goddess.

My Goddess Guidance Oracle card today is Brigit, "Don't back down". It says, Be assertive, don't worry about what others think, trust that your actions will work out fine, Speak your truth, stick to your opinions, put your foot down.

Ok, so I am sitting here on my lunch break thinking, that is what I am going to do today. I am going to make sure to speak my truth and not allow others to silence it. I am tired of feeling like speaking my truth will cause problems because others are unable to respect the viewpoints of others. Today I will speak my truth. And I am going to find a way to do that in those situations that I have worked hard to pull back on.

I am grateful for:
Life and health. For the most part I am healthy and able to enjoy
life in ways that others can't
My family. I am grateful everyday that I am able to have them in my life.
My husband. I know I am lucky to have found him and have him support
me in every way.
A job. Even though I am struggling with this, I am grateful to still
have a job and be making enough money to live a wonderful life.
My home. Jon and I have been talking a lot about his job and some of
the homeless situations he deals with and I am so grateful to have
what I do.
The Coven. No matter what I am soooo grateful for the sisters in the
coven and being able to have such solid connections with others of
this faith.
This tradition. I am so grateful that Jody and I decided to kick
start it and that now there are others to help develop and carry this
tradition on.
My spirituality. Without this I am just a shell.
Friends. I am grateful to have a support base and people to share my
life with.
The present. I am so grateful that I understand that no matter what
has happened in the past, I only have the present. And it I honor the
present, I can create the future.

Life is amazing, isn't it? There has been a series of recent incidents that have really stretched me and made me think outside of the normal box for me.

More recent incidents have really pushed me to not being able to deny the power of my own intuition. Many times I have thoughts and dismiss them quickly afterwards. But amazingly most of those "thoughts" are then confirmed and I am left thinking "why didn't I listen to myself before" or "I saw this coming". It is like the ultimate Godsmack, don't you just love that.

So, this year has been the year of so much change that it is hard to keep up with sometimes. I know that this year has made me stronger and given me more resources to cope with life and support others with life.....so I guess it is worth it in the end.

If my lessons can help me give to someone else then they are very valuable to me. It will also help to prepare me for future situations where I have to rely on either my knowledge of life or my instincts or intuition.

I am excited for the new year to come. I welcome a change in energy that will allow myself and those whom I care about to stabilize with the energy of the coming year. With a time period packed full of lessons, many of them the hard kind, a period of rest and reprieve is necessary. I feel like 2008 is going to be that year that brings about some rest and some much needed new beginnings for many people. 2008 will bring about the year of 10, or more commonly 1 (depending on the number system you use) which has a lot to do with rebirth. So still more active then balance but in the upward motion of creating the balance from this year.

I am looking forward to it. I am grateful for it. I know that I had to go through the lessons of this year to get to where I needed to go but I am glad it is coming to a end. I am ready to move past completion and onto renewal. I hope that everyone is able to get what they need out of the changes and energies this year. I hope everyone is actively working towards finding their center.

Blessed Be.

Life has been crazy and kicking my butt since the last time I have blogged. I do plan on doing some catch up blogging but have been busy trying to acclimate myself to a new job, working with my students, coven issues and family issues. I am glad that thanksgiving is over because it means we are that much closer to the end of the year.

I am preparing for the coming Solstice and Holiday. Whew, holidays are always stressful for me so I am always relieved when they are over.

Now that today is the last day for writing in Nanowrimo I will have more time to blog and catch everyone up.

Bear with me.
Blessings!

Thought I would chat about the transition of my job and adjusting to life. I will be transitioning out of one division and into another at the beginning of next month and it has been a super emotional trip to close the division that I have worked in for almost 8 months. I guess I didn't expect it to be as hard as it is.

I don't want to go into the details too much because at this point it is besides the point. The real point is that I have to adjust to what is happening regardless. Hasn't that been the huge lesson this year, taking the lessons of life and moving forward?

So I am preparing for the coming change. The weekend in the redwoods did me well because I got the chance to breath strong earth energy and cleaner air energy for 3 days solid. I was able to find my center and sit with it for three days without interruptions from the internet or cell phone. It did me good.

So I am on a rebirth of spiritual energy and motivation. I am an initiates of the Eleusinian mysteries, a believer of the redwoods and a student of the universe, so mote it be.

I wanted to share this journal entry from my camping trip to the redwoods.

10/6/07

I woke this morning from a long night in the cold, tired yet refreshed, home sick yet not ready to leave.

After several times of waking and falling back to sleep, I finally rose to the challenge of another day in the wilderness of the redwoods.

Sounds of laughter and community met my ears that promised love outside of my tent. I opened myself to the energy of the promise and found that piece of myself that commanded me to rise.

The moment of the coldness in the breath of the Goddess hit me like a hard reminder of my journey and the sleeping bag beckoned me to come back to safety where I can hide within myself. A thought passed that questioned whether I should stay here until tomorrow but I knew that my energy was moving outside of that tent, connecting to the wild pulse of the trees and this tent was too small to contain it.

With one foot in front of another I walk towards the embrace of the community waiting for me, and with silent kisses and energetic hugs they greet me by the fire.

With coffee in hand I sit inside the circle and greet the fire from the pit. "Oh great fire of the south, I am greeted by your warmth and embraced with your love. Oh great water of the west, I sip the warth of your liquid love and it runs thru me and reaches my core. Oh great earth of the north who greets me in her home among her redwoods and her children. Oh great air of the east, forever granting me with clarity and knowledge. You have not forsaken me and have come to open my mind."

Sitting here among the voices of my pagan brothers and sisters who are raising voices to the universe in all it's glory...I know I am alive. I am breathing and I can feel my soul. I can see the blessing in front of me and I can taste my future.

I hear you aging mother of the harvest. I hear you dying father of the coming winter. I hear you.

And the Water Said....By Ifalade Ta'Shia Asanti

A Poem For the 2005 Hurricane Katrina Survivors

All Rights Reserved @August 2005





And the water said, "listen!"

I am coming to show you truth

I am coming to shake the grains of sands beneath you

Show you that which is hidden but in plain view

And the water told us why she had come--

I have come to stroke the skin tones of America

To comb the roots of racism

Expose the scalp of discrimination

Make it bare like the parts of newly plaited hair

"Can you hear me," the water asked?

I'm here to purify these nations

To wash the streets clean of their denial

To reveal faulty foundations and forked tongues

And I shall not be ignored

And her rain created cities of tears

Waves of brutal reality

Demanding transformation

Commanding our world undone

She woke us early

When the white house phone line was busy

About a quarter to one she woke us

Before our comfort arrived in monthly envelopes

Made us remember the unity of a million maafas

Showed us how genocides join sons

She carried our vision to rooftops

Where the shepherd revoked our salvation

FEMA dollars transformed into tombstones

Homeland Security became a funeral home

And the water returned to her garden

An ailing levee beckoned her backwards

Back to the streets

Back to our homes

She wasn't sure we had remembered

She was sure that we had forgotten

And the water rose

She embraced our memories

Ran up our steps to our doorbells

She knocked but we didn't answer

She stretched higher and higher

Found us waiting in the sunlight

Waving to strangers in electronic birds

Whose wings made us invisible beneath the sleeping sun

Do you remember now she asked?

Do you remember Rwanda & Benin?

Do you remember the captive passage?

And she beckons us to forward

To new land

Under new realities

She calls us to independence

Not theirs, but our own

She turns our eyes inward

She moves our hands together


And the water said: "seek one another!"

Hear as you've never heard

Understand how you've never understood

I am parting my tide for your safe journey

So you may discover what I already know

You have survived

Let this message wash your ears alive

I am here with your salvation

I have delivered it on the words flowing from my tongue

And She retreated from their doorsteps and porches

Let the son return

She sent them into the wilderness

With prayers already done

Daughters of the ocean

Sons of the storm

Our God has not forsaken you

But come to reshape your love..

Isn’t it interesting how we always try to control those circumstances in our lives that are seemingly outside of our control to start with? Whether it is the job, family issues, friends, etc.

For me it is all of the above and the need to have everything ok. I want desperately to make good choices that will make everyone’s lives good, including my own. I think one of the things I am learning this year is that sometimes those things are not within my reach, nor are they my job or my business.

I have to learn how to let go and let the Gods (like they say in AA but without the “s” on God, LOL)

I am learning to remember that everyone has a path and every path has a process, including mine. So with that in mind, how am I suppose to know if this thing I consider to be a “road block” is an important part of building my future path? I don’t know that either way. And I forget to have faith in the hardest of situations.

So today I am trying desperately to hold onto the faith that I have and allow the universe, God and Goddess to do their job. I am learning to step back and be ok with not having the answers for the future, allowing the future to happen the way that my elders see fit.

This is hard but I know it is a necessary part of my growth spiritually and as a human being. Wish me luck, LOL!

I didn’t know what to expect on my labyrinth experience for I have never done it before. Obsidian, Ariana and I went into a corner on the side of the labyrinth and blessed each other with meditation oils and then we headed for the opening.

There were several things that happened in the beginning of my walking meditation that became very profound in my meditation. As soon as I began walking the maze my lower back began to hurt. I was surprised by this and couldn’t understand why it was hurting.

As I was walking it was hard for me to focus my thoughts in the beginning. The beautiful live music was playing, candles were lit and the repetitive sound of stomping feet helped me begin the process of moving deeper into my meditative self.

I noticed as I was walking how much anxiety I had around going thru the maze, feeling scared that I would fall off the trail and mess everything up. I had this feeling like if I fell off the trail and messed up that I would be responsible for messing up everyone else’s path. I had a lot of anxiety over parts of the labyrinth that were harder to see, like I could not see the path clearly and didn’t know where I was going.

Walking the maze was hard, my back was still hurting and I was tired. Every time I thought we were at the end another curve would come and take me away from the middle, the prize. And finally I made it to the middle.

I felt such a sense of relief and accomplishment. We got to the middle; hugged each other and then I sat on the rock. I was thinking, “Whew, that was hard”. And then I had this realization that I had to go back and do it all over again to get out. It was at that moment that everything came into view. I understood what this meant and how it applied to my life.

It was showing me that I have to work hard and it is painful but it doesn’t stop. Once I finally reach the destination I can rest and regroup. I can revel in the accomplishment but then I have to get ready to get back into the fight. I don’t get to stay at the rock.

As that realization hit me I started to cry. I started to understand that my journey is in the journey. My lessons will come from the journey and not from the accomplishment. So who am I to think I have the answers or know what to expect when that is not in my control. What IS in my control is my ability to move forward and keep putting one foot in front of the other.

What also made sense to me was that I get focused on the outcome and don’t stay present in the journey. Instead of walking the maze and allowing myself to turn the corners with ease, I was trying to rush to the middle and would lose my balance. And just like in life I lose my balance with the twists and turns.

So I geared myself up, sat with my coven sisters and cried, then got up and started my journey again. This time I took my time coming out. I didn’t walk slower but I did take my time around the corners. My back didn’t hurt and I was able to enjoy the journey a little more. I got out of the labyrinth and felt that sense of excitement and joy once again but I knew that my journey had only just begun.

I sat with my husband tonight and we meditated for hours on our porch with the incense burning and music playing. It was interesting because when we were driving home I noticed the smell of fall in the air and the crispness of the air. But I felt such a heaviness on my chest, a sadness. As we were driving in the traffic we passed a overpass that had a ton of flags hanging and people standing there waving at the traffic. I knew in that moment the energy I was feeling was the residual energy of what many people were feeling and thinking about today. 9/11.

So tonight when I sat on the patio and allowed the elements to wash over and ground me, I knew the connection that I had with the divine energy was very strong in this moment. I could feel the collective energy of the community, I could feel my husbands energy, I felt the power of the earth/air/fire/water, and I harnessed the spirit within me. Interesting how in one moment I felt so connected to everything and to everyone.

It was also interesting that during the meditation, there was times when I could feel myself expanding my energy. Does that make sense....like pushing my energy field beyond that of my aura. Something I will continue to work with....

Blessings of new beginning, new power and the new moon to all.

Multicolored Momma
From the book Jambalaya by Luisah Teish (I strongly recommend)


My sweet coffee skin
Hold secrets in its shade,
Whispers silent warning
To a black and white world

Do not box me in
In your narrow racial jackets,
Too tight to move in,
Too thin to wear.

My brown pores bleed
With the sweat of many nations,
Generations of colors
Ooze down my arm.

My Bantu behind
Plays the drums of dancing griots,
Telling stories with my sway
Singing songs with each step.

My high Choctaw cheekbones
Love the Mississippi Delta.
Remembers Running Cloud’s daughter
And the Red Man gone.


My breast angle ‘round
Like the dark gypsy wenches.
Crescent moons touch my belly
Silver slithers on my throat.

My almond eyes sparkle
To the sound of Eastern jingles
Glass chimes dress my eyelids
Tinkling bells kiss my brow.

My dirty red hair
Speaks of crazy Cajun cousins,
Talks of faire Creole ladies
And their dark Spanish men.

My Tibetan thighs open
And the Red Sea splits.
My soft lips part
Between Dahomey and Brazil.

My sweet coffee skin
Holds secrets in its shade,
Whispers silent warnings
To a black and white world.

I will not wear
Your narrow racial jackets
As the blood of many nations
Runs sweetly thru my veins.

Finding words to express the frustration and anger I feel for the people of New Orleans is hard. I knew from the beginning of this trip that I wanted to see and experience the real New Orleans and not the tourist trap of the French quarter that everyone uses to represent the city. And in reality the quarter is a small part of a large community called New Orleans.

Growing up as a minority, specifically a black girl, we are raised and accustom to the concept of family and community going beyond bloodlines. So when I look at the devastation of a community like NOLA it is like watching my family suffer. I am not separate from that of the black community.

So in turn I found my continued frustration mounting as I watched people coming into the city, partying or vacationing in the French quarter while the people of New Orleans were living in trailers and run down buildings. I rode around with Jody and got to see what the people of New Orleans have to deal with on a daily basis and it felt like a crime to come into their city and not honor them by coming into their neighborhoods and supporting their local stores.

The conditions they have to live in are depressing and down right devastating but how could I ignore them? How could I act like my money is too good to be spent in their poor towns? How could I act like my partying or shopping in the French Quarter was supporting the families of New Orleans when in reality that is just selfish and self serving. Let’s be honest here. Being in the French Quarter, eating their food and drinking do not constitute supporting the families of New Orleans. It is not a selfless act.

I can not help all the families of New Orleans, even if my heart wants to. But what I could do was show some respect to them which is a lot more than they have received from the tourists and their own government. I could go to their neighborhoods, smile at them, buy coffee in a local shop and take the wool off of my eyes. Those people deserve the world to see how they have to live. They are not monkeys that tap dance in front of the tourists who throw money at them to survive. Or better yet, maybe they are. And who is responsible for that? I sure as hell will not be.

I made a pact with myself that I would not do to them what the world has done to them. I will not turn a blind eye to their community because it is too ugly to see right now. While people are coming in airplanes to party in one of the poorest cities with the highest crime rates in the United States, there are people who cannot afford to live.

A man working at the airport was telling us how his mortgage is 1050.00 a month for his 1300 sq. foot house. And after Katrina his payment raised to 1700.00 plus because of insurance. He talked about how the government has a clause that prevents interference into insurance matters in Louisiana. So they are stuck without a paddle and while cost of living goes up, the living wage stays the same.

On the flight home I sat next to this sweet boy, probably about 10 years old, who was flying home to his mom in Atlanta. Well, this was his new home because he was originally from New Orleans and was relocated after Katrina. He talked about wanting to go back home to NOLA but couldn’t afford it and there was nothing to go back to. Wow!!! And we have the nerve to think that everything is back to normal when there are still families displaced.

So next time you decide to take a trip to New Orleans, don’t shit on the locals by pretending that Katrina didn’t happen. Don’t turn your head from the devastation they see every morning when leaving their bed. Show them the respect that they deserve. Eat at their local restaurants, shop in their stores, smile and say good morning to them. Show them that we still remember what happened and we know they are still suffering.

And the Saga continues onto day two. We are up at 8am (6am California time and I am exhausted) and we are showered and out of the hotel to get to a café with free wifi. We are sipping our morning coffee drinks while Jody is making phone calls from the list and searching the internet. To make a long story short we did the following things within a very short period of time:

Walked and boarded Karma at the local vet
Café, phone calls and internet search
Set appt with real-estate agent
Searched and canvassed the neighborhood of this new apartment
Went into the apartment (door open) and looked around
Met with agent
Signed lease and got keys to the new place
Drove into downtown and ate lunch (Mother’s po boy sandwich)

All before 3:00!!!! Who said witches can’t make things happen…………

Being on the natural high of accomplishment, we did some shopping, more planning, eating (some of the best friend chicken and baked mac and cheese) and even went to see Jamil play some jazz at a local bar.

Saturday we kicked butt, woke up early and had beignets and frozen café ole’s. We managed to get shopping at Walmart, buy a new bed, eat a soul food lunch, get the bed delivered, more shopping and a dinner at the Gumbo shop. Things seemed to be calming down and although they were busy, things were ok.

Sunday we wake up early again, go to breakfast at Brennen’s and I had the best banana’s foster ever!! We decided to walk and get the car to park it closer to the hotel to load and while we were walking Jody told me about her dream that the car was towed.

Yup!!! You guessed it. We walked for about 15 minutes or so just to turn the corner and see an empty space where we left the car!!! The freakin car was towed.

We got back to the hotel, got a ride to the “pound” where they kept the car. About an hour later and 120.00 spent on fees, we were back at the hotel and loading up our luggage. From there the rush was on to complete everything and get the car returned and me back to the airport on time.

We made it. And I must say, this weekend was insane and stressful but nothing compared to saying goodbye to my sister. That was one of the hardest things I think I have had to do. I turned my face as I walked past the lady who checked my ID to attempt to hide my face for fear of making Jody more upset. (I don’t know if that worked)

I got thru the security and waved another hand at my friend that I love so much. Happy, sad, excited to go home and heartbroken all at the same time, I walked until I couldn’t see her anymore. I called Jon, did a little more shopping and boarded the plane for a safe flight home.

I am going to do several blogs regarding the experience of the last weekend in New Orleans. I decided to do that so that one blog would not be too long and therefore not scare people away from reading them, LOL.

For those who may not know, I went to New Orleans with one of my closest friends who was moving there. This has been a long and hard lead up to this trip that would bring closure to this move that has been a long time in the making.

We flew out of the Oakland Airport Thursday morning at 8:00am. We flew into Los Angeles and caught our connecting flight to New Orleans. This process went smooth and without a hitch but after this point in the trip almost nothing went as planned.

We got off the plane and went to get the rental car. That was a nightmare and after struggling with the bank and the change in costs for the vehicle, we decided to rent the car for the next four days and return it when I flew home Sunday. From the airport we went to Jody’s new apartment in New Orleans.

As we got off the freeway and drove further into the neighborhood, with every turn we took the atmosphere continued to change drastically. The further we drove, the more “in the hood” we got. Looking around we saw people standing on the corner drinking alcohol, drug deals right in front of us, tennis shoes hanging on the telephone wires, a kid riding down the street on a bike with no shoes on, abandon building all around us and the projects were 2 blocks away.

I was in total shock and afraid to speak what was on my mind for fear of upsetting Jody and insulting her new place where she had a new lease, so I kept mostly quiet. After meeting the landlord and leaving we were driving away and there were two guys (obviously high on what I would assume was crack) standing in the middle of the street. I think this is the thing that took the cake. We got several blocks away and Jody finally spoke. And her words were “Crystal, I can’t breath. I can’t live there”.

And from there the conversation began. We knew we had just entered the infamous “hoods” of New Orleans that are known for some of the highest murder and death stats in the United States. We knew that this was one of the worst situations we could be in at this very moment.

We drove to the hotel, got inside our room and low and behold the air conditioner was broken. After finding the number and calling the hotel owner we then sat there and waited in the terrible heat until he could come and fix the air. At about 9:30pm we had air and just enough energy to walk and get dinner.

Of course all the restaurants were closing and unable to serve us so we walked back to the hotel and got a cheeseburger across the street. Sitting in the burger shop we began talking to the two waiters and asking about apartments. Jody told them she thinks she rented an apt in a not so good area. One of the guys asked, “How far is it from Orleans Ave”. Jody told them 2 blocks and both guys said “Oh hunny that is the hood!!!” Needless to say, that was the confirmation we needed but was hoping wasn’t true.

The rest of the night was filled with lots of tears, hysterical laughter, brain storming, hugging, phone calls, holding hands, prayers………………until we fell asleep.

And this was my first night in New Orleans. What a welcome.……………………….. hot, hungry, sad, scared and trying to reassure my newly homeless and discouraged friend that I love dearly.

So many things have happened since I last blogged. I have been feeling a little unmotivated to blog or even update the podcast. As things are slowing down some I am working hard to get back on track with those things.

It has been a year of trials, rewards, surprises and grief. This week marks a very important end to a phase of my life. Jody and I fly out to New Orleans tomorrow and on Sunday I will leave her there and fly home alone. It has been a long countdown and one full of conflicting feelings and anxiety. I am excited to go with her, anxious to leave without her. But I am confident that the universe is working in our lives and we have to keep walking despite the confusion at times.

Several special things have happened in my life as well. Robert joined Spiral Scouts and we are having a good time being involved in meeting new Pagan families and giving him a forum to learn. That was something I have thought of off and on for the past several years and was excited that a local chapter opened.

Also, July 14th I recieved my green cord from the DSM tradition and was initiated to 3rd degree. I haven't really shared that with anyone since it happened for various reasons but feel like it is important to be able to share. I have not officially gotten my 3rd degree from FWTI yet and awaiting the opportunity to figure out the travel plans that will allow the official ceremony. I am hoping to do that this year sometime, if finances permit.

I also was blessed to be a part of watching three people attain thier 2nd degree initiations. That was such a rewarding and humbling experience. I guess it was interesting to watch others walk that journey with me to attaining degrees and feeling so happy and excited for thier accomplishments. And then I thought, how come I can't be happy and excited for mine? Hmmm, I am still pondering that thought.

Working towards my goals have always been so bitter sweet. I have experienced a lot of things in the almost 5 years of studying for my 3rd degree from others that I didn't expect and in turn got hurt or saddened by. The whole "crabs in a barrel, pulling eachother down" applies so much in this path.

I love being able to see others work hard and accomplish thier goals because it helps me remember what I am doing and why. And that is such a spiritual experience and a lesson to not allow others insecurities to make me question my own excitement.

So today I am living in the present and riding the surf board in the ocean of change. The waters are a little rough right now but every wave that I ride gives me a sense of completion and hope.

Until next time, "Hang loose dude". Or better yet, Blessed Be.

The year of 9, completion

So many things are happening in this year of 2007. It is interesting because it is the year of 9 in numerology and 9 is the number of completion. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, not sure where it is taking me but sure it is taking me somewhere.

There has been a combination of strides and losses this year so far on the quest of completion. We have moved (again), one of my best friends and spiritual sister is moving, loss of two people I cared a lot about and felt were my friends, promotion to director after a bumpy road, upcoming completion of 3rd degree, Jon got a new job with lots of promise, grandson was born, niece was born and the list goes on.

This year has been full of in your face realizations that have made me have to stop and re-evaluate myself and my place in the world. My spiritual mentor Dia has said a lot of things thru this transition and recently had a conversation with me about having to figure out my place and responsibilities as a 3rd degree High Priestess. At the time she was talking about something specific but I have sat with that thought since our conversation last week. Mainly because I never look at myself that way. I don’t look at myself as a 3rd degree, etc but also because I realized that I don’t know how to do that. And I think that is one of the reasons why the year of the 9 has been so life changing and powerful for me. It is time to change.

I am scared to death of what that means. I don’t know where this road is heading. But I do know that the time has come where all my work over the years is ready to be put into place. I think this year is meant to be a shedding of my old self and transition into the new. The universe is reminding me, thru all of my fears, that this path is mine and I must walk it. And although I will have people who love me and are here for me, I must walk it alone and find my destiny.

I think it is trying to help me find another way of looking at the people and things in my life and also to finding my own power. I need to come to the realization that my power is in me. I need to stop being afraid of it inorder to embrace my destiny.

Whew, even saying that brings up fear for me. But I do know what I need to do. And whether I like it or not, 2007 is the year to do it. And the universe is pushing hard.

Believe it or not, I got to see two of the most incredible singers in one month. And once again, Jody was awesome enough to take me with her.

Lisa Gerrard sang at the Palace of Fine arts in San Francisco. We got there and the venue was gorgeous outside. We got inside and saw the stage and it was so elegant. There was this soft white material draped on the stage. She came out, escourted by someone. She was in this beautiful blue dress and stood on the stage. She didn't say a word and just started singing some of the most beautiful words I had ever heard. (although I couldn't understand what they were saying)

She sang that way without talking thru any of the songs. She changed halfway thru the set into a beautiful white dress and continued to bellow out some of the purest sounds I have ever heard.

She didn't speak one word until the end of the show when she thanked her assistant and thanked the audience.

She had such a mysterious quality about her that intrigued me to want to know more about her story.

Another beautiful and spiritual night of live music. Thank you Jody.
Blessings.

I went to see Loreena at the Paramount with Jody (my birthday treat) and she was incredible!! I wasn't sure what to expect, all I knew was that I have loved her music for a couple of years now and never expected another album. And when I got the notice that An Ancient Muse was coming out, I was shocked. And when Jody told me she was coming out to Oakland for concert, I was further shocked.

The paramout was packed with people there for the same reason. She was beautiful and sang like an angel. I turned around and told Jody that this was like having a 2 and 1/2 hour spiritual experience. She was incredible.....words cannot describe.

She danced and sang and talked about the history of the celts and her travels that inspired each song. I was amazed by her stories and her travels.

Absolutely one of the best experiences of my life.

I am on the tale end of the 3rd degree studies and I am finding that I am not struggling with the work but instead struggling with my emotions around it.

So as you know or have read, I recently went through a situation with some "friends" who are no longer a part of my life. And with this crew many of the "issues" revolved around thier impressions that I was full of myself and fighting for power. Neither of which is true and I do understand that thier issues with me really have little to do with me and more to do with what they don't like when they look in the mirror. But never the less, these were the reasons used to portray me as someone I am not.

When doing work with my mentor around why I am stuck and sitting in this place where I just haven't finished my third degree requirements, I came to a good conclusion that it is situations like this that make it harder for me complete. I have created this core belief in my head that when I am successful at something, people will be upset with me.

I have less than a weeks worth of assignments to do and can't finish because I am afraid someone else will be upset with me for accomplishing my goals. Sounds ridiculous and sometimes core beliefs are.

I know that I only have myself to prove anything to. And I also know that it takes an extremely insecure person to be offended by another's accomplishments. And I don't care about the feelings of those who are not my friends anymore. So it is just a matter of removing those core beliefs that no longer serve me so that I may continue to grow.

Dia is hopefully coming out here late summer to do my initiation. I can't wait.

We moved in on April 7th. It is a nice home and we are all comfortable in it. Throughout all the stress and worry, we found a nice place that suites our family better than the one we just moved from.

So after a month in the new home, business is back to normal. We are all settled in and have even mowed the lawn twice. Robert is enjoying the backyard the most and loves to use his scooter on the back covered patio. My mom is enjoying the fact that it is one level and she isn't going up steps anymore. But she is still getting exercise by walking the length of the house since it is long and on a double lot.

I think the Jon, Kevin and I are just enjoying the fact that there is a family room with a seperate space for privacy.

The universe, Lord and Lady heard our prayers and answered. We were able to get enough money from various sources to pay for everything we needed. Including getting a lot of our security deposit back from the other house when it felt like the landlord was set on finding ways to keep our money. In the end, he was fair.

And once again we are renewed in our faith in spirit and in the power of manifestation.

I had the pleasure of meeting the author Kim Harrison tonight. She was great. She came to the Barnes and Nobles in Oakland as a part of her tour for the new book. She read a part of the new book to the audience and then did a question and answer session. She had a great sense of humor and was really down to earth.

I got some great pics of her and my book signed. I am excited to read the new book!

Thanks Kim!!
Blessed Be!!!!

I always find it interesting that people try to fight for power when there is no fight. I have come across these types of people who have a feeling of inferiority when around others who are outspoken or who are take charge people.

I would like to say to people like this, get over yourself. Other people are not doing things to challenge your place in the world. Sometimes people are just who they are and it is really your issue (not thiers) that you feel threatened by them.

It is actually sad and funny at the same time. I think my personality and drive to get things done seem to attract these kinds of people and then inevidably creates tension that is unwarranted.

Fortunatley I get that and I am not in the business of finding power by creating struggles with others. I am grateful that I do not feel the need to discover my own self worth by standing on the feet of others.

I wish everyone could find that within themselves and stop looking for your worth as a person or a leader through the eyes of another. If you need that kind of validation from others in order to be an upstanding leader, you will never make it. Good luck and Blessed be.

I had an incredible experience at Pantheacon on Saturday. Mica and Ariana came and picked me up at about 7:20 in the morning and we were on the way to pick up Jade and her friend. We arrived at the Double Tree hotel at about 8:20AM and parked and checked into the festival.

Being the witches that we are, we had already picked out and organized what we were going to participate in at the festival and that was a process in itself. With 13 choices to pick from in the 9:00AM timeslot, we felt it was necessary to do before hand. So, we already knew we were going to a ritual in the morning for awakening the self with the CAYA coven.

I have met the leader of this coven a couple of times and she is wonderful in my memory of her. And when we went into the ritual room, she was more incredible than I had remembered and that is saying a lot. The ritual was memorable for me. She was beautiful with such grace and presence. She sang with the most beautiful voice and it was so moving for me.

There was a part of the ritual where we were opening ourselves to ourselves and receiving whatever we needed, and the drum was playing in the background and we began to sing this beautiful song. I found myself sobbing and was quite taken aback from it in the beginning. There was something so profound within the ritual that was exactly what I needed in that very moment and asking for the way to be open to me. I realize it was a much needed cry and one that was full of gratitude and love for the beauty of this path that I have found in Paganism.

After the ritual and many tears later, I thanked her for her gifts. And we were off to our next amazing journey in the land of Pantheacon.

So our next seminar was with the beautiful soul called Christopher Penczak on the topic of Invocation, channeling and the oracular mysteries. And I can honestly say he was such a dynamic, down to earth and brilliant presenter. I am not sure how else to describe how great he was. I was so fascinated by not just the topic but his delivery and was unable to take effective notes, LOL!!

At the end of the session he guided us through a meditation to go into trance and speak with the gate keeper and possibly make contact with a spirit or deity to possibly build a relationship with for future invocation work.

I had one of the most interesting meditation experiences I have ever had. Several things presented themselves to me that had a lot of symbolism. The tree I visualized was huge and full of life and large bushy leaves. When walking past the stream in the meditation, a spider tangled in string, not web but man made string, was trying desperately to get to me. My gate keeper was clearly my spirit guide Halmina and she was her usual loving self. When I walked across the bridge to meet the spirit, there was no doubt that it was Cerridwen sitting in front of her cauldron. She was telling me that I needed to build my house. And then there were several flashes of a toilet that was broken. And she made reference to not being able to get rid of my waste, specifically emotional waste.

She talked about what she wanted from me was to give knowledge to others in exchange for her wisdom and guidance.

There is so much in that visualization and I knew almost immediately what a lot of it was referring to.

Before the seminar, Mr. Penczak signed a book for me. I thanked him for writing me an email once on one of my articles that he liked. I honestly didn’t expect him to remember me or anything remotely close, but wanted to say thanks for taking the time to write a personal message to someone like me regarding a piece of my soul he read via the internet. Those things are important to those like me who are just stepping out and learning to put their work out in a large medium. He immediately said, “oh yeah, Witchvox right? I remember that article, it was a good one”. I was so shocked because I hadn’t told him my name, the name of the article or where the article was. I had just said thank you and he actually remembered my work. What a nice blessing he gave to me and heprobably doesn’t even realize what it means to me.

After the seminar, Mr. Penczak let me take a picture of him, what a sweet man.

My next seminar was Margot Alder, writer of Drawing down the Moon. What a dynamic woman, full of unbelievable knowledge. She was able to talk about preparing the revision for the book after 15 years and all the new information, people, traditions and growth that the pagan community has made. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to her and all her knowledge. I was able to also get my book signed by her and a picture taken with her, which was an extra blessing.

The next seminar was on Gardenarian historical documents and information. It was an incredible and informative seminar that provided lots of information into the history of Wicca from the Gardner days.

We were so exhausted after 4 seminars that were 1 ½ hours long each that we decided to check out the vendors and then go do something we hadn’t done all day……….eat.

Of course there was lots of awesome vendors. I got my long desired amethyst runes and a Libana CD I didn’t have.

After shopping, we ended up at the Olive garden for dinner and then drove home.

What a beautiful day of exploration, community, knowledge and love. Thank the Gods for my ability to not only afford to go but also have wonderful coven sisters to go with and for having such amazing speakers to send a much needed message to my ears today.

Sometimes the challenge of life can be confusing, especially when you follow a path of the universe and try to find the mysteries as they are brought to you. I find that many times, I am trying to connect the lessons I am suppose to learn with the events that are happening in my life and sometimes there is no other connection besides the fact that life sucks sometimes. And coming to a place to "live life on life’s terms" sucks, can be confusing and it hurts.

But I also find that there are those events that are just life in motion with no rhyme or reason, and we find that we still become stronger by just walking through the turmoil that is considered life. I am always a person that looks at someone and measures my insides by their outsides and then wonder why everyone else’s life is so smooth sailing. But I continue to come to a place of understanding that life is full of trials and no matter how someone elses life looks like it is smooth; they are learning their lessons too. And most likely they are looking at another person’s life and doing the same thing by judging their lives against another.

I have found lately that the more out of control my life feels, the harder I am working to control the areas in my life that I can control. The best example of this is my house. I have been cleaning excessively lately. I think it is like measuring how my life is based on how my house looks and the messier it is, the messier I feel inside.

It gives me a pretty clean house most of the time but doesn’t really address the feelings of uncertainty that are happening inside. I think there is a certain piece of acceptance that I am struggling with understanding. Accepting that life is full of mysteries and I am not meant to understand them all. Accepting that life is painful sometimes and that it is the journey that makes my soul grows, so either way I am still moving in the right direction. It is understanding that it is not always my issue that I am forced to deal with and I have a choice not to take on other people’s baggage. I have enough of my own and I don’t have to carry someone else’s too. It is accepting that everyone has an opinion and although it is right to them, that is their truth within their world view and has very little to do with me.

I am grateful that I have learned enough in my journey to get me this far in my understanding but I know I still have a lot to learn and a long way to go.

Sometimes these things happen and they have such spiritual significance that they can’t go unnoticed. Last week I started having these interesting dreams and two stick out immediately. One dream where I found out that my husband was cheating on me with a friend. I remember feeling such a sense of betrayal from both parties. It was such a real dream that I woke up and said to my husband, "thanks for cheating on me and ruining the family". Oh course he had no idea what I was talking about until I could calm down enough to tell him of the dream.

The second dream was a couple of days later and I dreamed I was seeing a person who is really close to my heart, although I don’t see him much. Paul was in my dream and he came over to me and we hugged for a while. And he told me how much he missed me and how I will always be an important person in his life. And I remember crying in the dream because I had missed him so much. And then I noticed that he had on a hospital gown and he told me he was really sick. I remember not knowing if that meant he was dying and leaving me again.

From there the dream changed a little and we were standing, arm in arm, in front of my old friend casket. I remember sobbing in Paul’s arms and explaining that I watched him die and could never forget the look on his face. I felt such despair for the loss I was feeling that it was overwhelming.

I woke up from this dream crying and had a hard time coping all day.
How interesting that those dreams mirror the feeling of loss that are creeping into my life right now.

When the universe speaks, I will listen. I am listening now although I am not sure what lesson it is I am suppose to be learning. But I am listening………………still listening.

So I don't know if anyone else has the feeling of relief that comes at the end of the holidays but I do. I am so darned glad they are over that I don't know what to do. All the pressure, financial problems, parties, white elephant games, etc. I will just be glad to have weekends back to myself and less pressure to make the world happy.

New years was good for the most part. Spent it with family. Started off the new years with drama but thus is life. the family will be fine, like always.

A close friend's mom died this past weekend and that has made me very sad for her. Sometimes things happen and we fell so powerless in life.

I am looking forward to getting together wth the ladies to do a fullmoon ritual on Wednesday. I think we can all use it.

Well, life is full of curve balls and we can never anticipate the route that the universe has chosen for our lives at any given time. But besides all of that, life is good. I was driving back from the hair dresser yesterday and the thought crossed my mind that I am really happen with our new surroundings and the move. I feel good driving thru the city and looking at the neighborhood in which we now live. I feel such pride at being able to accomplish this for my family.

The holidays are here and with the holidays come such different ranges of stress. I can say that we luckily finished all of our shopping early this year and do not have to rush the last couple of weeks before the holiday. but it is such a hardship to worry about money, gifts, parties, visits, etc. I will be happy when the holidays are winding down and life goes back to some sense of normalcy.

Yule on the other hand, I am happy Yule is here. the coming of Yule brings the rebirth of the sun and the first glimpses of the growing of the sun back into our lives. and the opportunity for renewal and rebirth. I am looking forward to the new year and the possibilities it brings.
I send lots of yuletide blessings to all. May you find peace in the rebirth of the sun and the coming of the light.

Blessings!! Blessed Yule. Happy Holidays. Bring back the sun!

So, Robert was at a birthday party on Sunday. He was running and tripped and hit his mouth on the shoe rack and busted his mouth open. By the time he got home to me his tooth was hanging and we had to take him to an emergency dental appointment. So he is now missing his front tooth, swollen lips and a cut on his chin.

The big feasting holiday has past and it makes it all that much more real that Yule and the Winter holiday is that much closer. I hate how the Season has become more and more commercialized thru the years. It takes away all the specialness of the season and instead makes it more about money and shopping.

Thanksgiving was great as usual. Jon's family came over and Jody came over. We ate lots of food and wow the greens, mac and cheese and ham were so darned good. We just all sat around and talked the whole night. Banana pudding, pecan pie and my famous pumkin pie were deserts for the evening.

I spent the rest of the weekend reading for my degree studies, shopping and cleaning. I got word back from my second degree mentor from witchschool to tell me that i passed the 2nd degree final with a 97%!!! So I am finished with my degree studies with them and working on my third degree with FWTI.

I have been missing Marian and my dad lately. Two people I care a lot about and am not able to be with for one reason or another. I had plans on seeing Marian this weekend but Joey is sick and I wasn't able to come over. So I will shoot for next weekend.

Anyhow, that is a quick update on things, holidays and life. And the holiday crap has just begun!

Blessed Be

Ok, so we had the ancestor altar set up, the candle lit and did dinner to celebrate them. As we sat around the table, we told great stories of our family that had passed.

So, around 9:00pm I went into the kitchen to throw something in the trash and all was well. About 10 minutes later Kevin went into the kitchen and the front door was wide open. Our front door is not easy to open so we immediately felt strange. Jon got up and checked things out. I got out the sage stick and began saging the house.

When I came back downstairs from saging Jon said, "I don't wanna freak you out but someone knocked at the door". Obviously there was no one there. He said it was a wierd knock, like it was far away or something. And he said he definatley felt something when it happened. (for those of you who don't know, Jon is energy sensitive)

So, needless to say, we saged some more. We then broke down the ancestor altar, thanked them but sent them on thier way and then sat to watch a movie.

Everything else seemed fine and nothing else happened after that. But it was definatley a weird experience. LOL!

I am not sure why all of a sudden I am spirit sensitive, but it is creepy.
Many blessings.

Well, the new year is here. I am excited. I think this year has had a lot of things for me and I am looking forward to continuing the momentum of growth into the next year. There have been some good and definatley some bad but for the most part I can look back at the past year and see why I have had to go thru each and everything thing.

In ritual the other night we buried what we were giving back to the mother goddess (and keeping the lessons we have learned) and then put our wishes into the Cerridwen's brew to drink into the coming year. I see big things ahead for me this year.

I plan on finishing my book on balance and Walking the path of a true Wiccan. I see editing the kids book that i finished over a year ago on yule. (and hopefully some publishing stuff too) I see finishing the third degree. I see continued growth for the Danse of the Spirit Moon tradition, FWTI (Family Wiccan Traditition) and the Rise of the Phoenix Moon family trad that my family carries. Whew, that was a mouth full!!!

I see great growth with the FWTI and where that is going. I am nervous about the possibility of unexpected, fast growth but I know that we are going to take this to new places that other organizations in the Wiccan community have not gone. I am excited about that. I never expected to be nominated to become a board member of FWTI and am honored to serve.

I see continued stability for the family and where we want to go in our life. We are closer than ever and continuing to hang tight threw all the storms. The goddess put us together for a reason and we are all holding on tight.

So, this year should be great for everyone and I am looking forward to another wonderful year that will help me grow in my path to enlightenment. (I am working on it, LOL)

Many blessings to all. Blessed Samhain! Blessed Harvest!! Celebrate the cycle of death and rebirth.

Blessed Be
Rev. Crystal

So the people who are in my everyday life know the stuggle that has happened in the last several years. There have been many ups and many, many downs as well. And thus is life. I have been very grateful for the opportunities I have been given to grow within my spritual path because I feel like it has been the one consistent thing in the storms that have passed me and my family.

So, the time has finally arrived where I am studying for my third degree. It is strange because I am overly critical of myself and have held myself back for fear that I was not ready. But I am slowly coming to a place of understanding that I am ready. It has been a long time coming. And after talking to someone who is very special in my spiritual path (Thanks Dia) I am beginning to really understand that I am not that far away. There are some things I definatley have to work on but I am further a long than I gave myself credit for.

So right now, I am really settling into the place I am at in my journey. Between the SSC sisters, The Dance of the Spirit moon tradition (shout out to Jody) and FWTI, I am quite happy with wear my journey is leading me.

And not to mention, I AM WORKING ON THAT BOOK!!!

Blessed Be!

I am back from Salem and trying to adjust to California time. The jetlag this time was much worse than last, I am not too sure why.

The plane ride both ways was good, the landing into boston was a little rough (lots of fog and rain at the time). Everything went smoothly, the shuttle was ontime, no lost baggage, planes ontime, etc. We checked into the historic Hawthorne Hotel (I will do a seperate blog on that).
We ate lots of good food, lots of good shopping and plenty of walking a round. We met Laurie Cabot, she just happened to be in the store. I was "star struck", LOL! She was very nice and actually said goodbye to us.

People were much nicer this year. I think it was the difference between going on a off-week in October instead of the busy first week when the parade is going on. I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I didn't get too much for myself. I got an awesome pendant that broke the day after I got home, a cool shirt, an awesome bell for ritual and some misc stuff.

I think the most interesting thing I went to this time was a seance. It was interesting because it was neat to see someone else work in that capacity. There were 22 people in the seance and she felt like the real deal to me. She brought over 2 people that had family members in the audience. She then gave a "mini reading" to everyone in the circle.

When she got to me she talked about me being a leader, teacher or boss in some area of my life and that it was recent for me. She went on to mention that I have a lot of things in my head and that I need to write that book. And then said something about being on shelves.

Some people were disappointed with the experience, which I can understand but I was happy with it. I not only got something from what she said to me but mostly by watching her with everyone else. I thought it was a cool and different experience.

There is so much, and as I think of things, I will blog them.
Blessed Be!

I am back from Salem and trying to adjust to California time. The jetlag this time was much worse than last, I am not too sure why.

The plane ride both ways was good, the landing into boston was a little rough (lots of fog and rain at the time). Everything went smoothly, the shuttle was ontime, no lost baggage, planes ontime, etc. We checked into the historic Hawthorne Hotel (I will do a seperate blog on that).
We ate lots of good food, lots of good shopping and plenty of walking a round. We met Laurie Cabot, she just happened to be in the store. I was "star struck", LOL! She was very nice and actually said goodbye to us.

People were much nicer this year. I think it was the difference between going on a off-week in October instead of the busy first week when the parade is going on. I was pleasantly surprised by that.

I didn't get too much for myself. I got an awesome pendant that broke the day after I got home, a cool shirt, an awesome bell for ritual and some misc stuff.

I think the most interesting thing I went to this time was a seance. It was interesting because it was neat to see someone else work in that capacity. There were 22 people in the seance and she felt like the real deal to me. She brought over 2 people that had family members in the audience. She then gave a "mini reading" to everyone in the circle.

When she got to me she talked about me being a leader, teacher or boss in some area of my life and that it was recent for me. She went on to mention that I have a lot of things in my head and that I need to write that book. And then said something about being on shelves.

Some people were disappointed with the experience, which I can understand but I was happy with it. I not only got something from what she said to me but mostly by watching her with everyone else. I thought it was a cool and different experience.

There is so much, and as I think of things, I will blog them.
Blessed Be!

So we stayed in the Historic Hawthorne hotel. Prior to going to Salem, I had no idea about the history of the Hawthorne or any type of paranormal activity.

We checked in the first night to this beautiful place with loads of charm and uniqueness. I love it!! The lobby was decked out and classy looking, there was a altar with tons of pumpkins on it. And several f the pumpkins were huge!!

Our room was unique looking as well. It had two beds, a nice little desk, a TV, bathroom that consisted of a toilet and sink, a shower room that had only a shower in it and a closet.

That night we all went out to dinner at “the olde spot” formally McSwiggins. We got pumpkin icecream and went back to the hotel. Everyone went to bed around 10:00 and I was the last one down.

I turned off the lights after reading for a while and laid down. After a couple of minutes of laying down, I noticed two read dots on the ceiling. (almost like eyes, as crazy as that sounds). I tried to figure out the source of the lights but there was nothing. The room was pitch black.

From about 10pm to 4am I heard a series of running water/flushing sounds (which I assumed were the rooms above and on the side of us), had nightmares about a little kid (I think it was a boy) and a man (probably the father but not sure). I would dream, wake up, settle down and then start the dream all again. I was sitting there uncomfortable at the feeling of something pressing down on my chest.

At about 4am, Ariana got up to use the restroom and I asked her if she was able to sleep. She told me no and she was having bad dreams. When I asked her about what, she said a little kid. I am sure I don’t have to say how scared that made me.

When we woke up in the morning, the shower room door and the closet doors were both open and we are sure they were closed when we went to bed. We all talked about the experiences a little bit and then went on about the day.

The next night I took my candle and did a little blessing in all corners of the room. With a combination of the blessing, exhaustion and anxiety medicine, I slept thru the night.

On Thursday night we went on the haunted tour the guide asked if anyone was staying in the Hawthorne Hotel. She then proceeded to tell us that the hotel was haunted with a kid and a man. That the third floor was known to be haunted and there are reports of doors opening and closing on their own, things moving around the room and flushing toilets.

Should I know say that we were in room 309?

So after the tour I went to the hotel lady and asked. She said yes, it is all true. Scifi Channels, Ghost hunters were there 4 weeks ago and stayed for 2 weeks. It should air in January. She told us a lot of information about the hotel and past complaints and issues. In addition to telling us that the 3rd and 6th floors have the most complaints, including room 309, 321 and 324 or 325.

So, we will all make sure to watch the show in January!!

Well, I am have a massage permit in the city of pleasant hill, insurance, a business license and a office to work in. AWESOME!! The business is up and running in a functional kind of way, LOL. And this new office will lend the opportunity to teach classes or seminars too!

In addition, the goddess works in mysterious ways. Not only is the money part flowing but the clergy part is overflowing. I am still writing the two articles a month or paganpages.org and when i can for witchvox. I am mentoring students for our tradition. I am a Board member for the Wiccan Family Tradition international and working on developing two programs with the founder. My goodness!! I am also training to be a mentor with Correllian trad but am not sure of the status with that one yet. Things in my spiritual work are great.

So there is a quick update. More to come!!

Why is it that some people are so quick to grab and display that title without being ready to actually hold it? I am in a group of 481 "clergy" and can honestly say that there are so many in this group who have no tact, are rude and disrespectful or have no diplomacy to actually stand up to the title.

You cannot represent yourself as clergy but then act like an ass as soon as you open your mouth! Those two things don't go together. That doesn't make you clergy. It is only a lonely title that you have no idea of how to represent it. Anyone can have a title, it doesn't make you anything other than exactly who you are.

I have found (specifically in this group) that many are not fit to hold the title and need to be evaluated as such. They are not fit to teach or lead. And it makes it hard for those of us who are out here trying to walk our talk and actually be the role of clergy in our community.

Come on people, get over yourself. Your spiritual path is about you. Your clergy status is not about you, it is about the community and the people you serve (in the community!). You want to join a club and be cool, go back to highschool. You want to serve in the eyes of the goddess and walk and teach her people? Then humble yourself and do the job. Live up to the hype.

What is wrong with people???

So, recently I had a woman accuse me of being this person that I am not. It was amusing in ways because it was so far fetched that it could be taken as nothing short of a joke. And luckily I have decent self esteem and a bunch of people I trust that felt that this email was absurd and ridiculous too.

It is amazing how human nature works in people. Working in my job I see it everyday with people working towards recovery. But it is not just with them and with everyone. We as people hate others who have what we want or don't have. Why is that?

If someone else has more clean time then they are disliked by others who have less. If someone has completed college or massage school or whatever then there will be those who dislike them because they have achieved something that the other person has not. If someone has worked hard at achieving a career, spiritual foundation, becoming a better person, a good mother, whatever.................. there will be someone.........................you get the point.

And we wonder why groups and covens have such a track record of failing in the first 2 years? Instead of people hating others because they are something you want or have something that you don't, be inspired by it. Get information and hope from it. Grow from your feelings of inadequency and don't take it out on the world. It is these things that can help someone decide what they want in thier life and who they want to be.

Otherwise you will remain stuck in a life that is unhappy and unfullfilled. You will always be judging others by the standards that you don't feel you can live up too. It is not about anyone and all about you. What do you want in your life? You won't find it by trying to make everyone else wrong. Some act like crabs in a barrel, pulling eachother down to get to the top.

Don't hate someone because they have accomplished things or are what you are not.

If you look hard enough you will find the answers you need. If you don't.................... well, you make the choice.

Sometimes it is crucial for me to remember that life is but a lesson. I am here to further the development of my soul and to be of assistance to others and my community as it applies. So everything is but a trial to further my own growth. Every trial makes me stronger and more spiritual.

I thank those trials from the past, no matter how hard or painful. Those times have made me as strong as I am today. And for that I am grateful because I have the information and resources to deal with today.

And these trials today will prepare me for tommorrow.

The goddess works in mysterious ways, but never underestimate it. It isn't just her working but each of us working hard to learn the tools of life.

Blessed Be and Blessed Lammas!

I heard something from a fellow Wiccan that really bothered me. She was talking about how she spoke with an elder in the Pagan community and was told that many of the elders are "going into hiding" because of the influx of newbies joining the path with misguided information.

It made me angry to hear that someone told my friend this like it was ok. I mean, isn't that what is wrong with the movement as it is right now? It is right that the Wiccan community is growing by leaps and bounds right now, and as a result there are many out there who cannot find an appropriate teacher to study with. This is one of the many things that creates one to be "misguided" so to speak, because they are going to books that may or may not be accurate and are also settling for teachers who are not equipt to teach.

You can find information about invocations, goddesses, quarter calls, circle casts and whatever in books and on the internet but what about the ethics? Where do you find that in a way that it is completely explained? That is one of the major roles of the teachers and elders in the communities.

Elders have a duty to the community at large. So, in my humble opinion, if someone is quick to call themselves an elder but not willing to teach in the community................ something doesn't add up. There are many ways to contribute to the community and you can't find any?

Maybe those who are unwilling to support others in our community shouldn't complain about who is misguiding who. Why don't we ponder that for a while.......................

Sometimes I am saddened by the misconceptions of Wicca in the world and even in our own communities. It always amazes me how there are some that consider themselves Wiccan but yet misrespresent the beliefs to others. I have met so many like this throughout my journey and it makes me sad.

I have found myself pondering what my role is in this and what my role should be. I know that I am not responsible for others spiritual beliefs and for that I am grateful, it is enough just to take care of mine. But I do think that there are those of us in the community who should be of assistance if possible by helping to set the record clear and be an example (as much as possible) to the ethics in which make up the Wiccan faith.

Wicca is not about spellwork or being cool. It is not about revenge or anger. It is about spirituality and love. It is the connection to the god and goddess and the universe. One of the most important parts of the path of Wicca, not Pagan but Wiccan, is the Rede. It is an essential part of this path. If one does not follow the Rede then you may be Pagan but now Wiccan. And think about it, why wouldn't you want to follow a clause that ultimately protects you.
Wiccans should understand that we are a part of everything and everything is a part of us, as above so below. Whatever energy I send out is ultimatley tied to me. It is like throwing a tennis ball to a wall, it is coming right back.

There is a responsibility that comes with wearing that pentacle that goes far beyond being cool. It is the ultimate responsibility to this path and what we represent. I hope we can all remember that throughout our day and actually be what we are representing.

I remember my mom always telling me when I was younger how much of a daddy's girl i was. She never said it in a mean way but almost with a hint of jealousy in her voice because as a little girl there was always this longing for me to be close to him. As I grew up I finally got that wish. It took years to find the balance between being a daughter and respecting him as a father , and then being myself and appreciating him as my friend.

When I got the opportunity to build the bridges that have held me from him, it was freeing and liberating because I got the father I always wanted.

I got to spend the day today with a man that I respect but am terrified to lose again. I was finally able to be honest with myself as I drove away from him today and admit that I terrified to lose him again after I found him. I know that he will never truely leave me and that he never did but I find myself wishing that I could change things again and rewind time so I could spend just a little more with him before he goes so far away.

I am happy for him because I know he is happy, I guess I am just not ready to let go of being his little girl just yet. I am sorry that i couldn't tell you the goodbye that you truely deserved today, I just wasn't ready.

Have fun out there dad!! I am looking forward to seeing you next time, already.

I recently got the phone call from my dad saying that he got the house in Mississippi. So sadly I must say goodbye to a part of my life that has existed for 30 years. I don't know how to balance being happy and excited for him, and sad for myself and my kids. I guess it is not mine to figure out or try to control but sometimes I wish I could.

Jon and I have started attendent meetings to support us in our latest family saga. We are getting support from a lot of other parents who can relate. It helps ......................

Marian and James got Married on the 27th of May, I had the honor of performing the ceremony, and it was awesome. She was one of the most beautiful brides you could imagine.

And then there is Robert. So, last weekend I decided to take the family out to dinner at a really good Indian food resturant. I didn't expect that there was anything besides rice and bread that Robbie would eat. While we were eating our food, robert asked for a piece of my chicken pasanda.

So I put several pieces and his immediate reaction was, "my mouth is burning". I guess a little too spicy. So I gave him something to drink and continued eating, assuming he would finish his rice and Nan bread.

A couple of minutes later he tapped me and said, "I need more chicken!" I looked over and he had eaten all of the pasanda that I put on his plate. I would cut a couple more pieces and he would eat them immediatly. And after several pieces he would ask for some soda, guess his mouth would get a little hot. That kid ate so much chicken pasanda that we were laughing thru the meal. Who would have thought!!!

He is so my kid!
Blessed Be!!

It is so interesting how the universe throws curve balls to assist with learning and growing. And more often than not, those learning experiences are harsh and hurtful. So then the question really becomes, how do I want to deal with life in the face of such unfairness, hurt and pain?

Sometimes that question is hard to answer. I know that I would like to consider myself to always be exactly where I need to be, and sometime I know I am. But I also know that having faith can sometimes mean that I am just walking thru whatever is put in my way because the rewards are going to be great in the end. Even if nothing makes sense at the time.

I know that I want to always walk with the goddess at my side. I know I want to represent myself as a priestess in the eyes of the spirit. So that begins the process of leading me to a place of understanding that I must just continue to walk, despite the pain, despite the confusion, despite the lack of hope at times. A priestess just continues to walk, for it is her path to the Gods.

And so I walk..............................................

The universe has a way of twisting fates so that lessons are learned. Interestingly enough, sometimes that is a hard concept to grasp, especially when it is your fate and future in question.

So I have struggled off and on for a while now with the question of whether I should become not just a leader in the community but a teacher or mentor. After my first experience with someone who was suppose to be my "teacher", I just concentrated on my path and mine alone.

But after doing that series of meditations and connecting with Halmina my spirit guide earlier this year, I know that it is a part of my path. I know that by not taking this step I am hindering my own spiritual growth.

Many in the pagan/wiccan community have continued to support me and are supporting me with this decision as well and that feels good. I am thankful to my sisters in the coven because they are more than just friends but they are family. I am thankful to a new survivor of the old group that I am able to get to know and also to a old group member that I have been able to reconnect with. All of these things streghthen my closure of the old and blossoming of the new.

And I am grateful to the old group and my experiences there, good or bad, because I learned a lot about who I am and who I am not. I learned a lot about what is important and what isn't. And it taught me what kind of teacher or mentor I want to be.

Sometimes growth is hard but in the end, it is all growth baby!!!
Blessed BE!!!

P.S. Don't forget to live your truth!

Hey there all! So we moved this past saturday and everything is wonderful! Well, the move itself was stressful and lots of work. And we are still finishing some stuff at the apartment and unpacking at the new house. But overall things went very well and I can't complain about the work because the pay off is a great place in a great neighborhood with great schools!

Kevin started school today and said he really likes it. So that is good so far. Hopefully he will use this opportunity as turning a new leaf with new options.

My mom seems happy about everything but says she feels like she is on vacation and will still go back home. It hasn't sunken in that this new place is home now.

Me personally, I am just amazed the the sun comes up so early and bright out there and that so far everyone is so nice and pleasant. We went to Chilli's and the lady actually held the door open for us when we were leaving, thanked us for coming and hoped that we would come back again. Wow, what a difference.

And I went to the Barnes and Nobles there last night for the first time. It is a nice one and I am happy about that of course.

Well, after things are together, we will have a BBQ or something fun.
BB!!

Greetings all. Just thought I would update the blog and let everyone know that I am moving. We are finally moving out of the ghetto and to a nice area. So of course I am nervous as hell but it is good because we are going to be in a really good neighborhood with great school and less crime.

I am hoping that it is a big move up in life for the whole family. AND I will be able to host circle so I am excited about that.

Let's see, any other news? Robbie is close to being potty trained, yippee!! I am still working on creating my own tradition, super yippee! I am still writing monthly articles for Paganpages.org but haven't picked up my book in forever.

Getting geared up for moving, pagan pride festival on may 6th and a mother's day craft show. whew, I need a clone.

Blessed Be!

Greetings all!! Well, first lets start with welcoming the coming of spring. Ostara is a special time of the year and in reflection we can always see the impact that the growing stregnth of the sun has on our lives.

I for one am welcoming the coming of spring this year, for the dark half was a hard one. For this holiday I have spent some wonderful time with friends, the coven sisters and my family. We are continuing to try and keep the bond strong so that it may withstand the dark times.

So, good news............. I finished my program with the acupressure institute. I am very proud of that. My business is growing and I am scheduled to do something like 10 or 11 shows this year. In addition, a very close friend and I am jumpstarting another business venture with massage and actually looking for a space as well.

I am already in the planning phase for the Salem trip this year and looking forward to that. and it looks like the family might be going with me as well!!! That will be fun!

I recently took a class to connect with my spirit guide and learn to channel and it is awesome. I am working hard to developing that skill and so far so good. My spirit guide is awesome and it is amazing how connected you feel with the universe when you confirm that there is something else there. Awesome!!

The family is fine. I continue to send my wishes of support to the universe for each and every one of them. Hopefully the light has many good things in store for everyone.

So today I am grateful for the opportunity to see the coming of the light because it is that reminder that the wheel continues to turn and we are never truely stuck. Life will continue to manifest itself and we will continue to grow inside.

Blessings to all.
Crystal