Sunday, April 20, 2008
2:09 PM | 
Posted by
Crystal Blanton
Last night I went to the fullmoon labyrinth walk with Kat. We went to the last full moon candlelit labyrinth moon walk for 2007 and last night was the first one of the year for the 2008 season.
The night was cold with the kind of chill that makes your bones shiver and the anticipation of the cold was trying to convince me that tonight was not a good night to go. But I knew there were things I needed from the full moon walk and I knew I needed to go.
The labyrinth was darker than I remembered it from last years walk. There were three ladies on the maze as we walked up and they were talking while walking. I immediatley got irritated at their disrespect and said "Shhhh" before I started. They did stop talking but for the first section of the walk I couldn't pull my focus from them to me.
I then started thinking about recent choices I have made and why things have seemed so hard in this recent process. While doing that I grabbed my pentacle (which was the one that Kathryn and Ariana gave me when I got my third degree) and I thought "I love this pendant". And I questioned why I haven't been wearing it. I remembered when I first took it off and I remembered a statement that was made to me about the necklace from someone about how others "might have a problem with it" and at the time I didn't think they were related or affected me but they did. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks while walking.
Right after that I asked myself "why do I care?" About two steps after that I almost fell completely off the path. Not step off the path but fall completely over. I rebalanced and thought "god damn it takes hard work to stay on the path." AHA!!!!!!!
I think I am falling off the path. I don't think I allowed myself the time to become stable and secure in my place on my path before throwing a curve ball towards me. And at what point can someones statement or others views contribute to me pulling back from what I have worked towards for almost 6 years. If it was a master's degree in college, would I allow others thoughts to invalidate my degree? I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me and that is something I need to remember.
This is what I got on the trip inward on my journey. Interestingly when I got to the middle I felt relieved. I felt like I got some answers. I have rushed myself, I have not stayed true to my path, I have allowed outside interference to affect me and have not stood as proudly in my accomplishments.
On the way out there were two things that were profound to me. One was that there was a lady who was walking also and was at a faster pace. In my mind I knew she needed to pass us but I had to start reminding myself "don't look back, don't look back". I realized how I concentrated on someone elses path instead of staying focused on my own. With the exception of those whom I am responsible for like my kids, or those whom have entrusted me to be their spiritual mentor, I should not be worried about other people's path.
And there was this part of the path that I couldn't really see and I found myself getting anxious. And then I had to think in this maze, I will just catch my balance. What is the worse that can happen. I just have to find the path when it is unclear and catch my balance when it is off.
The night was cold with the kind of chill that makes your bones shiver and the anticipation of the cold was trying to convince me that tonight was not a good night to go. But I knew there were things I needed from the full moon walk and I knew I needed to go.
The labyrinth was darker than I remembered it from last years walk. There were three ladies on the maze as we walked up and they were talking while walking. I immediatley got irritated at their disrespect and said "Shhhh" before I started. They did stop talking but for the first section of the walk I couldn't pull my focus from them to me.
I then started thinking about recent choices I have made and why things have seemed so hard in this recent process. While doing that I grabbed my pentacle (which was the one that Kathryn and Ariana gave me when I got my third degree) and I thought "I love this pendant". And I questioned why I haven't been wearing it. I remembered when I first took it off and I remembered a statement that was made to me about the necklace from someone about how others "might have a problem with it" and at the time I didn't think they were related or affected me but they did. That realization hit me like a ton of bricks while walking.
Right after that I asked myself "why do I care?" About two steps after that I almost fell completely off the path. Not step off the path but fall completely over. I rebalanced and thought "god damn it takes hard work to stay on the path." AHA!!!!!!!
I think I am falling off the path. I don't think I allowed myself the time to become stable and secure in my place on my path before throwing a curve ball towards me. And at what point can someones statement or others views contribute to me pulling back from what I have worked towards for almost 6 years. If it was a master's degree in college, would I allow others thoughts to invalidate my degree? I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me and that is something I need to remember.
This is what I got on the trip inward on my journey. Interestingly when I got to the middle I felt relieved. I felt like I got some answers. I have rushed myself, I have not stayed true to my path, I have allowed outside interference to affect me and have not stood as proudly in my accomplishments.
On the way out there were two things that were profound to me. One was that there was a lady who was walking also and was at a faster pace. In my mind I knew she needed to pass us but I had to start reminding myself "don't look back, don't look back". I realized how I concentrated on someone elses path instead of staying focused on my own. With the exception of those whom I am responsible for like my kids, or those whom have entrusted me to be their spiritual mentor, I should not be worried about other people's path.
And there was this part of the path that I couldn't really see and I found myself getting anxious. And then I had to think in this maze, I will just catch my balance. What is the worse that can happen. I just have to find the path when it is unclear and catch my balance when it is off.
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