Sunday, September 11, 2011

 It has been a rough two years for me that have been overwhelmed with various levels of grief and sadness. I do know that it is not just been a hard time for me but for many people who are dealing with the ups and downs of life these past two years, it has been very challenging.

My mother died in a tragic accident in January of 2010 and my aunt just died a bit over a week ago from a long battle with cancer. I am not sure what lessons I continue to learn from the last several years but I know that I am learning and growing through this process; it is a delicate balance though.

After nights back and fourth to the hospital and late nights, I decided to go to the gym and release some of the pent up stress from the last several days. I had this moment in the locker room where I made a last minute decision to go into the pool instead of run on the treadmill. The pool is notoriously not my thing, so to speak, but that night it felt important for me to just allow the water to cleanse me.

I stayed in the pool for about 40 minutes and then decided to go run. While changing I checked my phone and noticed a missed call from my other aunt and knew what news was awaiting me. Amazingly my aunt passed while I was floating in the water, within that 30-40 minute span. Was this a gift from Yemaya? I think so.

I felt prepared when I got the call, felt a bit as if I had been washed of fear so that I could be ready for that very phone call and that very moment. I felt warm still from the water, as if I was receiving a hug that was embracing me through this. I knew it was She.... I know her comfort and her ways.

While I think about all of the horrors of losing yet another person in my life, without the time to recover, I know that she is where she needs to be and I am as well. I have continued to hear and feel Yemaya coming back to my life as a strong presence, she knew I wasn't ready yet and now I am.

Brings me to wonder how the Gods decide what we are ready to handle and how sometimes their presence seems so far away and others it feels ever present. I have missed her from time to time and I am glad that she and I are reconnecting, like a distance relative that is familiar and comforting.

And I know that she is working with my aunt on her transition and that my mother is excited to have her friend with her. My aunt was trying to tell me goodbye and I just couldn't hear it in that moment. She told me that it would be ok, no matter what happens, that I would be ok. I told her that I knew that to be true and she very clearly looked me in the eyes and told me “I am excited to hang out with CoCo”. It broke my heart but I knew it to be true. She and my mom would be together again and I am grateful.

May Yemaya continue to grace them both with comfort and happiness....... and me as well.
Blessed Be


Hubbie and I

Hubbie and I