Monday, December 27, 2010
12:20 AM | 
Posted by
Crystal Blanton
I went today to get my first session of hypnosis and NLP (neuro linguistic programming) after much consideration and thought. I have looked into hypnotherapy a couple of times, starting about two years ago. What better time to do it than when things are at the most overwhelming and I have had so many things that I am working to overcome within the last year of chaos and upset.
I didn't know what to expect and was a little skeptical but I have trust with the person that I was going to and know that she also knows my situation. I have a level of trust with her that she would not use me to do something that was not effective, just to make some money. She wouldn't use me that way.
So I went to her office, went through the motions of idenitfying some of the things I am dealing with and talking about some of the dreams that I have feel have been stifled by the current chain of events that have been 2010. I sat in her special chair, allowed her to take me into trance and work some magic. Magic is what it truly is and I had several experiences that I still cannot describe or wrap my head around yet. I know that I had several interesting experiences, one of which connected me to my mother and felt very rewarding. One of the many times she "dunked" me under, I went to my place of healing and it is this very comfortable place where I was sitting on a white bench on green grass with flowers all around. There were no buildings or additional distractions, just greenery, flowers and lots of open blue sky. I went to this place in one of my times of going under but it was the next time that was really significant.
When I went under the next time and she took me to this place, she asked me to describe my healing place and I did. She asked me if there were any animals and of course there was not. She then asked me if there were any trees and I remember telling her "there were not until you asked me that". When she asked me, a tall and beautiful redwood tree sprang up by my bench and brought me to tears while under hypnosis. For those who do not know, my mother loved redwood trees. The first time we went to the redwoods together at Muir Woods, she feel in love with the beauty and serenity of the redwood forests. It was something we shared together.
We went together again and she bought things to remind her of the trees including incense, oils and even bookmarks. The redwoods represent her to me so when the tree came up, there was no doubt to me that it was her in my healing place. On the next time under hypnosis, she was there again and when it was time for me to listen for her messages, a thick fog came over me and I was not able to see the healing place clearly. The fog would come and go, giving me small glimpses of my special place, and giving me a clear message that I have been living in a fog that has blocked me from seeing what I need to see. The hypnotherapist told me afterwards that most people don't know they are walking in a fog, so this was progress for me to see exactly what is happening in my life and bringing it to my conscious mind.
I walked out of this session feeling strangely lighter and clearer than I have in a long while. Although I don't know all the ways that this will begin to effect my life, I know that it was one of the best things I could have done to give me a chance to clear the path for growth, clear the fog I have been living in, bring me closer to healing and to my mother and start again with manifesting my desires.
I am very excited to go to the next session and continue on this new found path. I don't know all the places that it will lead but I know it is going to help bring me back to me and to who I want to be. Thank you to my new hypnotherapist for knowing that I had secrets to unlock that will lead me back to success and for making it possible in many ways.
I will keep everyone posted on these developments as they unfold and as I grow closer to beauty.
Blessed Be
Saturday, December 25, 2010
I am not a huge around the thought of new years resolutions and wanting to be something different at the beginning of the year. I have the usual thought that people use that one point in the year to be different than they are instead of working all year at making necessary changes. This year I have the same beliefs and do not feel that I need the new year in order to make some decisions about myself. Instead I would like to enter the new year of 2011 with a clean slate, leaving behind some of the things from 2010 that it is time to release and move beyond.
Often people carry around the baggage that accumulates from events and carry them around everyday, weighing them down and tiring them out. This is something we talk about in rehab counseling all the time, finding a way to identify old baggage and then giving yourself permission to let it go. This is something I am very familiar with, not just from saying it to others but from living this in my personal life. I have always had the type of personality that thinks about things until I have processed it and then am able to start the process of release. This is not a pattern that I developed this year, but one that I have had for as long as I can remember.
So moving into 2011 is very important to me because it is another step towards the releasing of multiple layers of grief throughout the year and making a decision to not take it with me. That is very scary because it means that I am stepping into another unknown layer of my life. I know that the multiple stages of grief are not done and that is not something that can be controlled in that way but it does mean that I starting fresh knowing that the last year is taking me towards something I might not understand but a knowing that something is coming. By releasing I am opening myself to new experiences, new people and new opportunities to love and find love in the world.
As with Iyanla Vanzant's book In the Meantime, not all things or all people are meant to last in your life. These things are but stepping stones to different levels of living, whether the experience is good or bad. "When you are not happy where you are, and you are not quite sure if you want to leave or how to leave, you are in the meantime. Its a state of limbo. You are hanging on, ready to let go, afraid to fall, not wanting to hurt yourself, afraid you will hurt someone else. In the meantime, you pray the other person will let go first so that you will not feel guilty." - Iyalna Vanzant - In the Meantime.
I think that quote says it all. I know what my mom would want from me. She would want me to stay solid in who I am and in being proud of that. She would want me to be the best mother I can possibly be. She would tell me to love myself and say fuck it to those who are not with me. She would tell me to focus on being happy and whole, not allowing life or anyone to get me down.
So it is not a new years resolution, something I start on a day and then don't follow through with, like so many others. It is a reminder that the next phase has begun and the rest is now the past.... one of purpose and lessons but one that is now gone away.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I am excited for the end of 2009. I look back at this year and see total overhaul from the previous year and all the goals I set for myself were suddenly changed. While most of my goals last year revolved around completing my book and finding success in that accomplishment, at the end of 2010 most of my goals revolve around finding some level of peace and serenity. The addition of two children and the loss of my mom has changed life as I know it and the family is finding ways to settle into the new course we have been set on.
I never considered life without my mom, it was the unimaginable task and yet today I find I am living it. Although it doesn't feel real at times, I know that I am going through the stages of loss and contemplating who I am without her now. I remember saying to one of my therapist friends at work that I wanted to go back to being who I use to be and he told me something that was told to him by a therapist when he was dealing with grief. He told me that I was not that person anymore because that person had a mother. I know what that means today.
So, I have survived one of the most rewarding and horrific years of my life. I have written, completed and saw my book be published; a dream I have had for a long time. And I have also suffered a loss that was so heartbreaking and traumatizing for everyone in my family. As I move into 2011 I am working hard to hold on to all those things I love about this year and allow the universe to cleanse the rest. I hold on hard to the memory of my mother as well, the good ones, the ones she would want me to remember and not the images that I saw from the last two weeks of her life.
Maybe if I can do this then I can pull the rest of the family along to a place of healing that continues into 2011. That is the plan and the goal.
As the growing light of the sun creeps into longer days, it is the reminder that darkness and light exist because of each other. One does not exist without the other. So I will use the darkness to shed light on how grateful I am for the many blessings that I have and for the ones that have not come yet.
Blessed Yule, Solstice and New Years to everyone. May your dark times shed a beautiful light that illuminates everything that is wonderful in the world.
I never considered life without my mom, it was the unimaginable task and yet today I find I am living it. Although it doesn't feel real at times, I know that I am going through the stages of loss and contemplating who I am without her now. I remember saying to one of my therapist friends at work that I wanted to go back to being who I use to be and he told me something that was told to him by a therapist when he was dealing with grief. He told me that I was not that person anymore because that person had a mother. I know what that means today.
So, I have survived one of the most rewarding and horrific years of my life. I have written, completed and saw my book be published; a dream I have had for a long time. And I have also suffered a loss that was so heartbreaking and traumatizing for everyone in my family. As I move into 2011 I am working hard to hold on to all those things I love about this year and allow the universe to cleanse the rest. I hold on hard to the memory of my mother as well, the good ones, the ones she would want me to remember and not the images that I saw from the last two weeks of her life.
Maybe if I can do this then I can pull the rest of the family along to a place of healing that continues into 2011. That is the plan and the goal.
As the growing light of the sun creeps into longer days, it is the reminder that darkness and light exist because of each other. One does not exist without the other. So I will use the darkness to shed light on how grateful I am for the many blessings that I have and for the ones that have not come yet.
Blessed Yule, Solstice and New Years to everyone. May your dark times shed a beautiful light that illuminates everything that is wonderful in the world.
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Hubbie and I
