Wednesday, December 22, 2010
11:41 PM | 
Posted by
Crystal Blanton
I am excited for the end of 2009. I look back at this year and see total overhaul from the previous year and all the goals I set for myself were suddenly changed. While most of my goals last year revolved around completing my book and finding success in that accomplishment, at the end of 2010 most of my goals revolve around finding some level of peace and serenity. The addition of two children and the loss of my mom has changed life as I know it and the family is finding ways to settle into the new course we have been set on.
I never considered life without my mom, it was the unimaginable task and yet today I find I am living it. Although it doesn't feel real at times, I know that I am going through the stages of loss and contemplating who I am without her now. I remember saying to one of my therapist friends at work that I wanted to go back to being who I use to be and he told me something that was told to him by a therapist when he was dealing with grief. He told me that I was not that person anymore because that person had a mother. I know what that means today.
So, I have survived one of the most rewarding and horrific years of my life. I have written, completed and saw my book be published; a dream I have had for a long time. And I have also suffered a loss that was so heartbreaking and traumatizing for everyone in my family. As I move into 2011 I am working hard to hold on to all those things I love about this year and allow the universe to cleanse the rest. I hold on hard to the memory of my mother as well, the good ones, the ones she would want me to remember and not the images that I saw from the last two weeks of her life.
Maybe if I can do this then I can pull the rest of the family along to a place of healing that continues into 2011. That is the plan and the goal.
As the growing light of the sun creeps into longer days, it is the reminder that darkness and light exist because of each other. One does not exist without the other. So I will use the darkness to shed light on how grateful I am for the many blessings that I have and for the ones that have not come yet.
Blessed Yule, Solstice and New Years to everyone. May your dark times shed a beautiful light that illuminates everything that is wonderful in the world.
I never considered life without my mom, it was the unimaginable task and yet today I find I am living it. Although it doesn't feel real at times, I know that I am going through the stages of loss and contemplating who I am without her now. I remember saying to one of my therapist friends at work that I wanted to go back to being who I use to be and he told me something that was told to him by a therapist when he was dealing with grief. He told me that I was not that person anymore because that person had a mother. I know what that means today.
So, I have survived one of the most rewarding and horrific years of my life. I have written, completed and saw my book be published; a dream I have had for a long time. And I have also suffered a loss that was so heartbreaking and traumatizing for everyone in my family. As I move into 2011 I am working hard to hold on to all those things I love about this year and allow the universe to cleanse the rest. I hold on hard to the memory of my mother as well, the good ones, the ones she would want me to remember and not the images that I saw from the last two weeks of her life.
Maybe if I can do this then I can pull the rest of the family along to a place of healing that continues into 2011. That is the plan and the goal.
As the growing light of the sun creeps into longer days, it is the reminder that darkness and light exist because of each other. One does not exist without the other. So I will use the darkness to shed light on how grateful I am for the many blessings that I have and for the ones that have not come yet.
Blessed Yule, Solstice and New Years to everyone. May your dark times shed a beautiful light that illuminates everything that is wonderful in the world.
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Hubbie and I
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