Thursday, October 27, 2011
11:15 PM | 
Posted by
Crystal Blanton
Today was one of those days for me when I concentrate on the good in a sea of harshness. Two things happened that I want to reflect on. I went to the homecoming game for the middle school that I work for. It was incredible. The boys were on the court like professionals, in uniform and working as a team! From the outside you would not know that they were struggling, inner city kids that live in the hardest conditions in one of the hardest cities in the US. The team beat the other team 36 to 22. It was beautiful to watch and I was so proud to be a part of supporting hope to these kids.
In the rush and excitement of the game, I went to say hello to the kids on the team. It took me a couple of minutes after the kids came out of the huddle to realize what they were doing. The boys (excited and smiling) were taking off their shoes to return to others because they don't have their own basketball shoes. They were borrowing shoes to wear with their uniforms. It hurt my heart.
Such talent, such heart, such resilience.... such poverty, such disparity, such sadness.
After the game I was talking to one of my student. He was basically one of the MVP's of this game and was beaming. He wanted me to meet his mom and she was very pleasant. We all went outside and I heard my name in the distance, "Ms. Crystal!!" I turned around to see one of my old students from 3 years ago. She is now in the 11th grade. I hugged her, asked how she was and I truely felt joy in my heart!!
She tells me about her life and school and says, "that's my brother over there!". I looked over to see her speaking of my student that I was just referring to, the MVP. Right after she said that, the mother said, "yeah, that is my other kid". I was floored as this sunk in. I have been a counselor to both of these kids, siblings, in the last 3 years and never made the connection. How crazy is it to work in a community where I continue to treat siblings and the pain is so deep, so entrenched.
I hope to be around to support generations of kids coming through the doors of this community. I love that I have been a consistent face that they can come and see and I am still there. I am humbled that I have the chance to be that very person that has the trust of so many kids who struggle with trusting others. I am humbled.....
And while I was heart broken to see this student take off the shoes he had on after his winning game, his sister (my old student) was a reminder that there is still hope despite disparity and adversity. One day, he might just have the rights to own his own pair of shoes.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
It has been a rough two years for me that have been overwhelmed with
various levels of grief and sadness. I do know that it is not just
been a hard time for me but for many people who are dealing with the
ups and downs of life these past two years, it has been very
challenging.
My mother died in a tragic accident in January of 2010 and my aunt
just died a bit over a week ago from a long battle with cancer. I am
not sure what lessons I continue to learn from the last several years
but I know that I am learning and growing through this process; it is
a delicate balance though.
After nights back and fourth to the hospital and late nights, I
decided to go to the gym and release some of the pent up stress from
the last several days. I had this moment in the locker room where I
made a last minute decision to go into the pool instead of run on the
treadmill. The pool is notoriously not my thing, so to speak, but
that night it felt important for me to just allow the water to
cleanse me.
I stayed in the pool for about 40 minutes and then decided to go run.
While changing I checked my phone and noticed a missed call from my
other aunt and knew what news was awaiting me. Amazingly my aunt
passed while I was floating in the water, within that 30-40 minute
span. Was this a gift from Yemaya? I think so.
I felt prepared when I got the call, felt a bit as if I had been
washed of fear so that I could be ready for that very phone call and
that very moment. I felt warm still from the water, as if I was
receiving a hug that was embracing me through this. I knew it was
She.... I know her comfort and her ways.
While I think about all of the horrors of losing yet another person
in my life, without the time to recover, I know that she is where she
needs to be and I am as well. I have continued to hear and feel
Yemaya coming back to my life as a strong presence, she knew I wasn't
ready yet and now I am.
Brings me to wonder how the Gods decide what we are ready to handle
and how sometimes their presence seems so far away and others it
feels ever present. I have missed her from time to time and I am
glad that she and I are reconnecting, like a distance relative that
is familiar and comforting.
And I know that she is working with my aunt on her transition and
that my mother is excited to have her friend with her. My aunt was
trying to tell me goodbye and I just couldn't hear it in that moment.
She told me that it would be ok, no matter what happens, that I
would be ok. I told her that I knew that to be true and she very
clearly looked me in the eyes and told me “I am excited to hang out
with CoCo”. It broke my heart but I knew it to be true. She and
my mom would be together again and I am grateful.
May Yemaya continue to grace them both with comfort and
happiness....... and me as well.
Blessed Be
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Sitting in a terminal in LAX for the next two and a half hours and thinking about all the wonders of the process that I am in right now. As my plane touched down in LA and we were navigating the roadways to get to the gate, I looked out of my window at all of the wonders that sat before me. The mist created a shadow onto everything that was on the ground and made the planes we passed look like the biggest of birds that were sitting for a rest on the ground.
The shapes of the planes, the mist, the flashing lights and sure size of the machinery that I was viewing and sitting on made me really think about the incredible wonder of our age and what we have come to take for granted here. I walk into a man made structure that is comprised of metal, wires, technology and steel wings, then I sit down and fly among the sky, above the clouds and into the lands that only the Gods naturally are able to soar.
I am amazed at how this happens and then we walk among one another on the ground and treat each other with no foresight into what great things we accomplish together as people. If only the world could acknowledge one another for his or her gifts and the collective intellectual and spiritual gifts we bring to this universe, we could not dishonor one another the way that we do.
All the thoughts of soaring above the worries of the mundane world became ever present in my mind when I looked down at the world beneath me and was reminded of how much bigger the world compared to the bills, common dissension, job woes, relationship mishaps and personal insecurities. While we become encapsulated into our own worlds of deficit thinking and pain, we are missing so much beauty in the world and the knowing that we are a part of something much bigger than ourselves.
So, I await the next flight here at terminal 6 and wonder if I will be able to stay in the present moment enough to let my own problems become just situations that I will overcome because in the moment, there are no problems that need to be solved. This very moment is the only thing that is real.
May everyone find their moment right now, acknowledge the sheer power and wonder of the human capacity to create and grow, and work your way towards being a part of collective healing and togetherness.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
I have found that life continues to move forward whether we will it to or not. It is the human nature to think that removing one person from the equation would be a pause where life would stop for that moment. Reality is that it doesn't stop and we have to evaluate our importance in any given situation along the way.
When we have the opportunity to reassess our priorities and where we place them in our lives, it is a chance to choose those things that we previously might have missed or overlooked. It is essential that we always remember that every moment we are alive gives us the chance to evaluate and choose what path or road we are going to take. It doesn't matter how far down the road you have already gone, you can turn around or do a detour.
So in light of several experiences this week and the death of a pop star to the overdose of drugs.... it just reaffirms that we make our choices, we have a chance to change them along the way and we ultimately will be responsible for the outcomes if we choose to ignore the open doors that are presented to us. Whether those open doors are extra time to be with loved ones, a chance to be happier in life, some special time with your children, making time to meditate or ...... fighting for your sobriety...... in the end, life will go on without us and we have a choice to choose our fate all the time, every moment we are alive.
May we all choose wisely.
Blessed Be
When we have the opportunity to reassess our priorities and where we place them in our lives, it is a chance to choose those things that we previously might have missed or overlooked. It is essential that we always remember that every moment we are alive gives us the chance to evaluate and choose what path or road we are going to take. It doesn't matter how far down the road you have already gone, you can turn around or do a detour.
So in light of several experiences this week and the death of a pop star to the overdose of drugs.... it just reaffirms that we make our choices, we have a chance to change them along the way and we ultimately will be responsible for the outcomes if we choose to ignore the open doors that are presented to us. Whether those open doors are extra time to be with loved ones, a chance to be happier in life, some special time with your children, making time to meditate or ...... fighting for your sobriety...... in the end, life will go on without us and we have a choice to choose our fate all the time, every moment we are alive.
May we all choose wisely.
Blessed Be
Saturday, June 25, 2011
I wrote this on my retreat with coworkers a bit over a week ago, just now ready to share.
.........Often times life is about being able to capitalize on the many different opportunities that randomly present themselves and today I am going to do just that. After a really challenging school year full of tears, laughter, confusion and trauma, I am heading to a overnight retreat in Sonoma with the school site staff. There are many things I am not able to do because of finances, kid obligations or even time. When the opportunity cea for an overnight get away, I am learning to take it and make it valuable for me.
The weather is nice and the sun is shining here in Sonoma. It feels like a whole different world that is not filled with chaos, busyness and expectations.
What I like about some of the things that I am experiencing what many people don't understand and the many sacrifices that are made to support the lives of others is exhausting and yet rewarding at the same time. I have been honored to work with some of the most fabulous people in the world and I have appreciated every moment of it.
.........Often times life is about being able to capitalize on the many different opportunities that randomly present themselves and today I am going to do just that. After a really challenging school year full of tears, laughter, confusion and trauma, I am heading to a overnight retreat in Sonoma with the school site staff. There are many things I am not able to do because of finances, kid obligations or even time. When the opportunity cea for an overnight get away, I am learning to take it and make it valuable for me.
The weather is nice and the sun is shining here in Sonoma. It feels like a whole different world that is not filled with chaos, busyness and expectations.
What I like about some of the things that I am experiencing what many people don't understand and the many sacrifices that are made to support the lives of others is exhausting and yet rewarding at the same time. I have been honored to work with some of the most fabulous people in the world and I have appreciated every moment of it.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
It has been an interesting last couple of weeks. While some things are getting easier and seem to be on track, others continue to be increasingly complicated. I have had the pleasure of turning in the manuscript for the Shades of Faith Anthology and have already gotten the copy editing sent back to me and returned. I am now waiting for the cover to be completed and whatever other ends need to be tied before I am looking at a release date. I am very excited about seeing it in print finally.... it has been a long time coming, with lots of work and coordination.
Two major contractual things have happened in the last few weeks and I am signing away here. We went to court last week and we have finally signed the papers for guardianship for our grandson. We are now officially responsible to raise him until he is 18....
The second one was the contract from the Sacred Harvest Festival in Minnesota, the contract arrived and I have been reviewing it this weekend. I plan to sign it and send it in Monday or Tuesday. I am very nervous about it since it will be the first time I have flown to another state to give workshops and be considered the "honored guest". I am so excited about the opportunity and know that it will be a pivotal moment in realizing the gifts that the Goddess has ahead of me. I am trying to hold a space where I can move forward in accepting the grown I am going through and also trying not to get discouraged by the new family obligations I have now.
I will also be doing a workshop in the Fresno Pagan Pride festival and will be preparing for that. As things get busy, I will be balancing a even more complicated walk but do so in service to the mother.
And finally, I turned 35 on the 28th of May and it was a decent day. I felt good in my spirit and was feeling some optimism. I miss my mother greatly and thought of her during the week more than usual. I wonder what she would have done if she were here and how she would always look for the wordiest card and then only sign her name. I am coming to realize more and more that I will mourn her every day for the rest of my life... hopefully I will slowly fill the voids so that I may find other ways to feel whole again.
many blessings of love and honor. ...
Saturday, May 14, 2011
For those who don't know, I got into a car accident last year the day before my birthday, when a bee flew into my window and landed on my leg. And those who know me know that I don't do well around bugs. It is not my think at all.
So today was an interesting day that ultimately pushed me to look at the symbolism of bees and why I would see two in the same day and in weird circumstances. On my way to the bank there was a bee on my bumper. I (of course) being a little frightened, jumped in the car and took off. I figured it would fly away when the car moved and so I didn't worry about it anymore.
After coming home from the bank, I got out the car and walked towards the house only to find that the bee was in the same position.... on the bumper of the car. (YIKES!)
Fast forward to hours later, while at a family members house, and we were all hanging out at a going away party. We took the kids into the house to eat and about 10 minutes after being at the table, the same type of bee started flying around the dinning room light. Doubles YIKES
So on the way home I thought, "I have to think about what the bees were telling me". So, I am going to invest in being happy and acknowledge how all things are connected. I need to enjoy what I do, find happiness in all situations and let it into my life on a more consistent basis. Life is sweet, even when it stings and life will remain the substance and goodness of our reward for our hard work.
So I am going to concentrate on that this month. Not only is it the events of today but also a year ago this month that a bee tried to give me a lesson. I couldn't hear it last year, things were too fresh from my mom's death. This year I am ready to listen a little more.
And hopefully, since I got the message, the universe will not send me anymore right now..... (shivers)
Blessed Be!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Interestingly I could not always come up with specific examples of discussing money in my childhood, or memories around childhood. I think a lot of that was because my mother did not talk about money and we just new that we didn't have any. She didn't have to say anything and the responsibility was on me as a child to prioritize the importance of the things I wanted.
So as an adult, I find I am discouraged around the incredible amounts of money that is required to raise a family. How do you have hope for the future stability of money when you have to spend upwards of 2,100 a month for childcare without support? This is what we have been paying since my mother died and it is hard. What we discussed is opening up the possibility of having money by changing my limited beliefs around my relationship with money and what I feel is possible.
So, the next steps for me will be around balance, dreams and believes. I am going to do some fundamental things around balance.... like sleep. I will start to work on getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night and structuring things better so that Sissy can sleep through the night. When I have more sleep, I am more optimistic and am not calling for things that will reinforce my limited beliefs around sacrifice. I will redefine what my dreams look like, especially when it comes to having money and doing things that require money. And third I will continue to work on my limited beliefs and try to see myself with what we need so that I can continue to provide for all the children.
More to come.
Monday, March 21, 2011
After a wonderful Ostara ritual and time with the coven, I was sitting at home with the hubbie and trying to decide what to do. I posted such on facebook and the National First Officer of Covenant of the Goddess (and my friend) Peter Dybing posted commented and told me to listed to the Pagan's tonight show because they were doing a telethon for the Pagan Japan Relief. I tuned in to the show and listened while sitting on the couch and watching the kiddos.
While listening, I hear Peter mention my book and some of the community aspects of what I talk about. Funny enough, right before this I had asked the chat room how to call in. After Peter mentioned me and the book, the guests started telling me to call in. So I took my super nervous butt into the bedroom and called into the show.
I got the chance, for the first time, to talk on a live radio show about my book and have people want to hear what I was saying. Incredible feeling and very humbling at the same time. I realized in that moment that all the opportunities I have wanted to bring into fruition are coming to the surface and it is scary and exciting at the same time. I am honored to be able to create such supportive relationships with others who belief in my work and are being a voice for me in the community. It is all a bit overwhelming at times.
Tomorrow I am recording an interview with Modern Witch Podcast and next Wednesday I will be on the Sacred Feminine radio show on blog talk radio. This is truly incredible.
I will post as things are released. You can get the episode of Pagan's Tonight on itunes or at the website www.paganstonight.com. It is the episode with the Pagan Japan Relief/Doctor's without Borders episode. I am at the end of the second hour at the very beginning of the third hour.
I recognize the words of the Goddess as she lays the path before me and I am walking it.
Blessed Be....
While listening, I hear Peter mention my book and some of the community aspects of what I talk about. Funny enough, right before this I had asked the chat room how to call in. After Peter mentioned me and the book, the guests started telling me to call in. So I took my super nervous butt into the bedroom and called into the show.
I got the chance, for the first time, to talk on a live radio show about my book and have people want to hear what I was saying. Incredible feeling and very humbling at the same time. I realized in that moment that all the opportunities I have wanted to bring into fruition are coming to the surface and it is scary and exciting at the same time. I am honored to be able to create such supportive relationships with others who belief in my work and are being a voice for me in the community. It is all a bit overwhelming at times.
Tomorrow I am recording an interview with Modern Witch Podcast and next Wednesday I will be on the Sacred Feminine radio show on blog talk radio. This is truly incredible.
I will post as things are released. You can get the episode of Pagan's Tonight on itunes or at the website www.paganstonight.com. It is the episode with the Pagan Japan Relief/Doctor's without Borders episode. I am at the end of the second hour at the very beginning of the third hour.
I recognize the words of the Goddess as she lays the path before me and I am walking it.
Blessed Be....
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I truly believe that there are no such things as coincidences and that all things happen as they are suppose to. Although I have a hard time applying this theory to my mothers death, I do usually apply that to most of the events that happen in life. One day I am sure I will be able to see that as it applies to her as well.
Yesterday was an interesting day for me. I reached my 11 year anniversary at my current place of employment and it felt strangely unfulfilling to me. I went into the office and three things happened that pointed my attention to the fact that the universe was pointing me in a direction that I needed to pay some attention to.
I reconnected with a acquaintance from about 5 years ago and she spoke with me about putting in a proposal to come to convocation next year. After some discussion, it appears as if it might be doable and this has been something I have been wanting to do for a while. This was very exciting to me and felt like a break in a path that I have been trying to manifest.
After that a coworker, who is a hypnotherapist, informed me that she is going part time at her corporate job and has these wonderful things manifest in her hypnotherapy business. So inspiring that someone gets to manifest their work in those ways and make it all happen!
I then got a phone call from an old tarot client, from about 3 years ago or so. She called wanting to reconnect and get a reading done....
And then while I was waiting for Rob in class, I saw on facebook that the new Circle Magazine is out and I clicked on the link to see the table of contents. I was published again and once again I didn't remember submitting to the magazine.
And with all of these interesting things happening in one day..... it leaves me wondering where I am going and what the universe is trying to tell me. I am listening......
Thursday, March 03, 2011
I have continued to be very excited and amazed at all the incredible response I am getting post Pcon, including the write ups that are being published. I thought it would be great to list everything that I could find so that it is accessible for anyone (including myself) who might be interested in reading the reactions that are out there.
http://doingmagick.blogspot.com/2011/02/roberts-review-of-pantheacon-2011.html
http://pncminnesota.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/pantheacon-thoughts-walking-your-talk/
http://www.thorncoyle.com/musings/?p=984&cpage=1#comment-6279
http://www.pagandad.com/2011/02/bridging-gap-by-crystal-blanton-review.html
http://doingmagick.blogspot.com/2011/02/roberts-review-of-pantheacon-2011.html
http://pncminnesota.wordpress.com/2011/03/02/pantheacon-thoughts-walking-your-talk/
http://www.thorncoyle.com/musings/?p=984&cpage=1#comment-6279
http://www.pagandad.com/2011/02/bridging-gap-by-crystal-blanton-review.html
Friday, February 25, 2011
There are so many wonderful people I got to meet or spend some measure of time with at Pantheacon. Every year I feel like I meet great people but this year is different because it was around a lot of networking and quality discussions... not just a chance hello or introduction. Of some of the people that I got to meet, I would like to give a shout out to some that really stuck out to me; Peter Dybing, Star Foster, Jason Pitzl-Waters, T. Thorn Coyle, Luisha Teish, Starhawk and other great people.
I also enjoyed my conversations with Don Frew, Anna Korn, Rabbit, Gwen, Jennifer and Amory, Rachel and many others. Thank you everyone for making this such a milestone event in my career and in my healing. Last years Con was full of sadness and walking around in a daze after my mothers memorial a week earlier. This year I was present and have many memories to help sustain me. And I am so lucky to be able to share year after year of Cons with my coven sisters and friends.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
After the seminar I spent time shopping, volunteering time at the charity auction, bidding on items in the auction, a book signing in the vendor room and spending time with my friends and family. Jon decided to stay another night and we spent time hanging out and going to see Pandemoneom perform for a bit. We spent time laughing and hanging out with our friends in the hotel. It was so wonderful to just be able to be present in that space and not worry about the demands of the world around us.
The next morning I got up early and went to the Pagan Newswire Collective seminar. I am very excited about the opportunity to have media that is Pagan centered and what we might be able to build with those resources at our fingertips. Wonderful things are happening! In addition, I got to meet Star Foster and Jason Pitzl-Waters. Very exciting stuff and incredibly awesome people. I think Jason is a wonderful speaker and very professional in his delivery of information. Star is vibrant, beautiful and fun. I thought she had such great energy and it felt like we were old friends. I look forward to building connections and friendships with both of these great people!
After the seminar I went for my book signing slot, then ate lunch with Jon and hung out in the hotel room. When it was time to say goodbye to Jon, I had a hard time. We had so much fun together and much needed bonding time. After that I went back to shopping, spending time with friends, and hanging out in the live charity auction. Amber K and Azriel were the auction presenters and Amber K is hilarious!!
We were quite successful at the auction and Kat is the master bidder! She won a sword, harp and kilt. Talk about a good time!!
The night ended with a Morrighan ritual done by T. Thorn Coyle and Sharon Knight. Then off to see Haggis Revenge..... that is a whole other blog in and of itself.
More to come!
I arrived at the Con on Friday about 12 and we checked in with little lines and got to our rooms to settle in. After a small hotel room assignment mix up, we were on our way and I was excited to finally be at the event that I look forward to all year long. My first seminar was at the 3:30 time slot and I thought that it would be a small crowd since people are just arriving and some are still working at that time. To my surprise, the room was packed! Thank goodness my husband, friends and other awesome people helped to put out more chairs and support the process. I was so surprised by the amount of people that I became a little flushed and overwhelmed. LOL!
The workshop (circle restore; Restorative practices in covens and circles) went very well and it seemed that people were interested, engaged and could relate to the issues at hand within the community. This was exciting for me since it was validated to confirm that the lack of conflict resolution methods and training in our community has led to such hurtful situations all around. Everyone participated and I got some great feedback. I sold some books and it felt as if there was a nice buzz around the types of concepts we could extend into our community.
For the first time, I got to meet Peter Dybing (National First Officer of Covenant of the Goddess) in the workshop. Peter reached out to me a couple of months ago after buying my book and has been such as awesome supporter for me since then. He attended the workshop and was able to give me some constructive feedback to support making it even better. (Thanks Peter!)
It was wonderful to have my friends and Jon there at the workshop to support me. I felt great about the experience, even though I was so nervous I was sweating. :)
After the workshop, I got to hang out with everyone, shop in the vendor area, eat dinner with the hubbie and go to the Pomba Gira (I waited all year for this). We dressed up and went dancing for an hour. My husband had such a great experience in the Pomba that I spent a lot of time trying to keep him on this side of the plane instead of being ridden all the way by the Umbanda Gods for the first time. He loved it and I loved seeing him so engaged in the spiritual aspect of himself. Pcon has a way of doing that for people.
After Pomba, we went to the room, hung out and spent some quality time nursing our feet after almost 2 hours of dancing. I loved every minute of it.
That was the first day of a wonderful 4 day weekend experience. More to come.
Monday, February 07, 2011
The last year changed life for me and the family dramatically. The new year has brought a lot of beautiful things along with some sad moments of realization, understanding and facing of mortality once again. While there continues to be a lot of adjustment on the parts of almost everyone in our home, there is still a lot to do in the area of healing and adjusting to all the changes that have happened in our lives over the last year and a half.
A year ago my mother died and this past week I have gone to the hospital twice to visit my aunt. She was in remission from breast cancer and it has returned. In addition, she is very sick with other issues that are even more pressing than the cancer and the doctors are battling several issues at once.
I won't go into all the gruesome details of my feelings and the reminders of sitting in the hospital with my mother. Instead I will say that it is a wake up call that the ebb and flow of life's trials are constant and it is not about being able to stay at one place in life for long. Change is the only constant, right?
I have been working hard at coming back to my spiritual self over the last year and have made great strides in the past several months. Hypnotherapy is one of the things that has really pushed me beyond the limits that I set myself within. Once again I am looking at my aunt and thinking that I must prepare to fall back into the faith that I have been rebuilding. The Gods are guiding me in learning how to love, live and let go. Some of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn.
So while I am considering what it means to hope you are not looking at the end of someone you love, I am also putting my faith in overdrive and pushing forward. I know it is important for me to be present in this process with her and although it is a harsh reminder of the memory of my mother dying, it is also a honor to be there and sharing love when I can.
Finding spirit in the tough times can be one of the biggest and most difficult challenges there are but ones that can also propel us towards understanding things on a whole different level of spiritual connection.
A year ago my mother died and this past week I have gone to the hospital twice to visit my aunt. She was in remission from breast cancer and it has returned. In addition, she is very sick with other issues that are even more pressing than the cancer and the doctors are battling several issues at once.
I won't go into all the gruesome details of my feelings and the reminders of sitting in the hospital with my mother. Instead I will say that it is a wake up call that the ebb and flow of life's trials are constant and it is not about being able to stay at one place in life for long. Change is the only constant, right?
I have been working hard at coming back to my spiritual self over the last year and have made great strides in the past several months. Hypnotherapy is one of the things that has really pushed me beyond the limits that I set myself within. Once again I am looking at my aunt and thinking that I must prepare to fall back into the faith that I have been rebuilding. The Gods are guiding me in learning how to love, live and let go. Some of the hardest lessons I have ever had to learn.
So while I am considering what it means to hope you are not looking at the end of someone you love, I am also putting my faith in overdrive and pushing forward. I know it is important for me to be present in this process with her and although it is a harsh reminder of the memory of my mother dying, it is also a honor to be there and sharing love when I can.
Finding spirit in the tough times can be one of the biggest and most difficult challenges there are but ones that can also propel us towards understanding things on a whole different level of spiritual connection.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
This weekend marked the one year anniversary of my mother's tragic death and it was a relatively good weekend. I did not think it would be but I am coming to remember some of the deeply spiritual things that I use to love about this time of year and I am trying to infuse them together with the memories of what I have lost. I have been working a lot with the hypnotherapist around removing blockages and not allowing those old memories to taint the hope that I once carried so firmly. It is working and little by little I am feeling more myself and more able to belief in the power of my own manifestation again.
So this weekend I celebrated the turning wheel of Imbolc by going to the gym and being present in the needs of my body. Three days in a row at the gym was very uplifting and I feel great! I have stopped smoking and tomorrow will make one week. Thanks to Jenny (the hypnotherapist) planting the seed in my head that it would be a great present to my mother on her death anniversary.... it stuck and took hold. I feel good about it and it is one more thing I am letting go of that is a result of her accident. I started smoking again when she was in the hospital. It was one of the only vices I had to take care of myself while dealing with the horrific situation.
I spent some time with a witchy friend and reconnected with her over coffee. It was wonderful. I have spent some time taking care of business at home and preparing for Pantheacon. All things I needed to do for one reason or another.
So, with this turn of the wheel and the creeping energy of the sun peeking through, I chose to enjoy my weekend the best I could and honor the Gods for giving me another year to remember my mother with. I know that if I continue to honor her in her life with me then she will truly live forever; as do the Gods and the ancestors.
May your Imbolc be blessed and filled with the knowledge that the dark half is ending and the light will once again return.
So this weekend I celebrated the turning wheel of Imbolc by going to the gym and being present in the needs of my body. Three days in a row at the gym was very uplifting and I feel great! I have stopped smoking and tomorrow will make one week. Thanks to Jenny (the hypnotherapist) planting the seed in my head that it would be a great present to my mother on her death anniversary.... it stuck and took hold. I feel good about it and it is one more thing I am letting go of that is a result of her accident. I started smoking again when she was in the hospital. It was one of the only vices I had to take care of myself while dealing with the horrific situation.
I spent some time with a witchy friend and reconnected with her over coffee. It was wonderful. I have spent some time taking care of business at home and preparing for Pantheacon. All things I needed to do for one reason or another.
So, with this turn of the wheel and the creeping energy of the sun peeking through, I chose to enjoy my weekend the best I could and honor the Gods for giving me another year to remember my mother with. I know that if I continue to honor her in her life with me then she will truly live forever; as do the Gods and the ancestors.
May your Imbolc be blessed and filled with the knowledge that the dark half is ending and the light will once again return.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Sometimes a chain of events will lead to what feels like moments of chaos and unexpected series of events. That is what this week has been for me. With the combination of coping withtje anniversary of my mom's accident, dealing with sick kids, huge decisions and a stressful week at work, I am more than ready for a week of calming energy ti help rejuevinate the soul. While 2011 is going in the right direction to bring closure to the hos of last year, it is weeks like this that serve as reminders of what was almost all of last year.
I'm the new year I have made it a conscious decision to acknowledge that I am grateful those days are done and hopeful that when periods like this do happen, I know it is just a moment. I have been doing a lot of internal work to recharge the batteries that became so drained from the emotional demands of last year and those are the things I want to continue to be grateful for. Today I feel like I have some direction again and even though it is not all the way clear, I have some ideas as to where I am going.
Redefining a dream for myself has been one of the biggest challenges I have struggled with, my old dream depended on having my mom here and freedoms I no longer have. With that, it has been hard to see the visual but it is getting a little easier now.
So this weekend I am focusing on decluttering the last week from my energy, planning next moves and staying in a state of mindful gratefullness so that I cam be in a place for manifestation. And just maybe the full moon will support my weekend journey.
I'm the new year I have made it a conscious decision to acknowledge that I am grateful those days are done and hopeful that when periods like this do happen, I know it is just a moment. I have been doing a lot of internal work to recharge the batteries that became so drained from the emotional demands of last year and those are the things I want to continue to be grateful for. Today I feel like I have some direction again and even though it is not all the way clear, I have some ideas as to where I am going.
Redefining a dream for myself has been one of the biggest challenges I have struggled with, my old dream depended on having my mom here and freedoms I no longer have. With that, it has been hard to see the visual but it is getting a little easier now.
So this weekend I am focusing on decluttering the last week from my energy, planning next moves and staying in a state of mindful gratefullness so that I cam be in a place for manifestation. And just maybe the full moon will support my weekend journey.
Sunday, January 02, 2011
This has been an overall good weekend. I was able to spend some time at the movies with the hubbie on Friday and going out to lunch since we had daycare. It was nice to get out and be just adults. Friday night (new Years eve) we stayed at home and drank sparkling cider with the kids and my two nephews. Jon, Robbie and I did our little new year prayer for peace and happiness in the new year and then we lit candles.
Saturday morning I got up and went to my second hypnotherapy/NLP session with Jenny Knowles to work on releasing, opening up to new information and finding balance. It was a good session. We did a technique that I have never done before (although I have heard of it) called Emotional Freedom Technique or "tapping". I liked this although it was uncomfortable at times and hard to deal with because part of this was getting into the emotional state that I struggle with and then use this technique to support breaking of patterns. Wow, that was powerful and emotional. A lot of work was done around feeling the helplessness from what has happened in the last year.
Amazingly I was able to support my son with using the tapping techniques later that night when he got pretty emotional thinking about my mother. It seemed to help both of us.
The end of New Years day ended with tarot readings and laughs with my friends in the Berkano Babes group. We ate chinese food, home made cupcakes and did tarot readings for hours.
Interestingly I got a very clear message in both of the events throughout the day (hypnotherapy/NLP and tarot) was that I need to allow myself to be in the moment and not worry about fixing things in the future. Using resources that I have right now is important and more productive than the pressure of finding solutions to all that is happening. So I am taking this into the new year and working on being in today.
I am entering the new year with some hope and openness of what is to come.
P.S. I would like to give an honest referral to those who might be looking for a way to change old patterns, support new and positive thoughts and open the way to manifestation and goals. Jenny Knowles is the hypnotherapist that I have been seeing and she is very good. I recommend her with high enthusiasum. She is honest, open, empathetic and has a great gift for supporting the discovery of what the client wants and needs instead of inserting what her goals might be. Her website is http://effectivehealinghypnosis.com/.
Happy New year everyone.
Blessed Be
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Hubbie and I
